Advice on what to tell young children....

Theresa, and anyone else with young children, I haven't told my kids anything yet about having surgery, and I'll probably wait just a bit longer. What did you tell your older children? My oldest is 7 y.o. next I have a 5 (soon to be six) and also a 3(soon to be 4 y.o.)... It's kind of funny that when we went to my consult my youngest was the one concerned with the fact that I had a "boo-boo"...I told her that I didn't but that I was ok and I was just having a "check-up". I've held off on telling my oldest cause he's the "thinker"....so much that it keeps him up at night, I didn't want to burden him with more worry..... My 5y.o. is big....he always has been, right from birth. We have done our best to maintain a "healthy" approach to him being big. We use words like "strong"...which he is. He's bigger than his older brother, even in height. He's jovial about his belly, and the most tender hearted, compassionate 5y.o. In telling him about my surgery, I in no way want him to think he will need to have it done too......Does anyone understand me????!! I'm not quite sure I want to tell them the surgery has anything to do with weight loss. Rather, when they start noticing that I am losing weight, I can reaffirm the idea that I am getting healthier...and surgery helped me do this......... As you can tell, I am struggling with how and what to tell my kids. I'd love to hear what others have told their kids..... As always...THANK YOU for everything!

Hmmm Lauren, There may not be a "right" or "wrong" way to tell them. My kids are Kayla (almost12) Tyler (8) and Kelso (6).. My kids all know. I also have a physical disability and we have leaned towards the surgery helping me to MAYBE walk better in the future. They do however know that the surgery is for my weight issue, but they still lean towards "we hope mom can walk better after she has surgery" On the other hand, Kayla (who is not real big but I could see her going that way when she is a little older) knows that it is a good idea to try to be healthy at a very young age to maybe avoid the possibility of surgery. Tyler is our adopted son. He is, however blood related to me.. He could have a weight issue, and there will come a day where he will have to weigh his options to also avoid the possibilty of surgery. Kelsi (also adopted but blood related) is a peanut. I understand she could also be big when she gets older. I do NOT see that happening though. BUT one can be small but not be a healthy eater. She tends to want to live off junk food, so they all will have a decision to make when they need to. I can give them advice on healthy choices, but I in no way can tell them what to do or what not to do. "you should have practiced what you preach mom" is basically what I would deserve to be said back. I do think you are handleing it in a good way. And each parent handeling it differently could also be the right way. All kids are different and we raise our kids differently. My kids knew right from day one. Tyler woke up one morning and said "Mom I had a dream that you had surgery and when you came home you were skinny" That was when i explained that I will have the surgery, then it is up to me to lose the weight!! I think whatever you feel in your heart is the right way to go about it. I have met you and can see that you are most likely a wonderful Mom!!!!

Thanks Kelley! You always have something good to say. Oh I know the "practice what you preach" feeling, as I said that often in my head when my mom was harping on me to do this...and that...... Yesterday, I wasn't so "wonderful".....woke up tired, had an asthma attack over the kittens we have to get rid of, tried to hold off a nap from Lizzy so she'd go to bed better.....Matty (Matthew) informed me I was too cranky. He was right, so I put a smile on for the rest of the day..... How are you? Hope all is well. Would you consider going to a Sat. support meeting in Bangor? I'll drive. We can maybe organize a get together with the other Mainers....I remember a post listing the meetings, I'll look for it. Let me know. I'd have to plan ahead so my husband would be prepared!! Marie could come too if she feels up to it! Lauren

Hi Lauren, going to a Saturday support group meeting woud be great but Dec. 20 is the next one on a Saturday and hubby has to work. I heard there is one Friday Jan 2 but I dont think I will feel up to going to that one.. he he (I'll probably still be seeing double!!!) When I am back on my feet and feeling good, then I'd like to start going regularly maybe once a month!!!!! I know what you mean about having a rough day.. There is no school here today due to parent/teacher conferences...... Calgon....... take me away!!!!!!!!!!! Kell

Hey Kelley, Is there a week day meeting you'd be able to swing? I just thought it'd be nice to go to one before surgery..... Let me know. I buy calgon in bulk......really though, I have an issue with my bathtub! Lauren

Hi Lauren, I am so sorry I have not responded sooner, looks like Kelley helped you though. I'll tell you how I handled it but I am pretty different I think. My kids were 11 and 9. We are very open about most anything. I let them know what I was going to do and why. I told them that I wanted to lose weight so I could be more active, play with them like I used to and be healthier. I was very honest that I worried if I gained more weight I would have health problems and I wanted to be healthy to see them and their sisters get married and to spoil my grandchildren. They were all for that. I left it at that but knew they would absorb it then come to me with questions. Only took my 9 yr old about an hour to have questions, then her brother chimed in. My daughter thought of superficial thing. like how small would I be, what things would I do with them, wanted me to promise things. My son on the other hand has always been pretty sensitive to my health. He asked me if I could get sick from it. I was honest and said yes, but chances were good that I wouldnt, that in the future I would have a bigger chance of getting sick if I did not lose the weight. That was fine for then. Few days later when we were alone he asked very specific questions. I tried to answer honestly, but wanted to keep it pretty light that far out. In fact I did not tell them there was always a chance I could die from it till a day before surgery. BUT, I also let them know that I had no intention of dying. I felt showing a positive attitude was really important. That made my son feel better, but he was still very relieved to hear my voice when I got back from surgery. I called them within a hour of getting to my room. Mom said they had been fairly quiet till after the call, then they were VERY rowdy for the rest of the day. Hub brought them up to see me the next day. They said they KNEW I would be fine and never worried. YEAH RIGHT! So anyway, that is my story. Not sure if it helped, but I hope it made you feel a bit better. You will be fine, but as a mother I know you have to prepare for all events. Just keep up the positive attitude!!! Hugsss Theresa