"The Easy way Out"

This was not wrote by me but names and situations have been changed to fit me.

Speaking of the easy way out, that was just said to me. I had to rant about it, and I am going to post it here for all of you to view.

First and foremost, I'd like to clarify that getting a bypass is not a bigger persons only option, and MANY people are able to complete the goal of losing weight and getting healthy on their own terms. But, having said that, people need to understand why we choose to have the surgery. I can not speak for everyone, so I'll speak for myself.

I chose to have a gastric bypass for three basic reasons, in this order. Health, Comfort, Vanity.

Health. Every since I was about 8 I have had weight issues. This eventually led to massive Emotional problems. . I suffered massively with emotional issues and it's all a downward spiral. I did this for all aspects of my health. Physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Comfort. Have you ever worn a size 24? I sure hope you never have to. Being that large is highly uncomfortable. You don't fit anywhere. You break chairs, many many chairs. You feel like an elephant in a room, mostly because you usually ARE the elephant in the room. And you just have an all around sense of not belonging. The world is not made for people of that size to enjoy life. Not in any way, shape, or form.

Vanity. Anyone who says they didn't have this surgery to look better is a damn liar. It comes in to play in one way or another. I myself have always been in my sisters shadow, (I love you Kaylee, but you know I'm right ) and I have never wanted anything more than to be level with her and adored the way she was for the reasons she was, which is cause she was pretty. I know that without this surgery, I would have never achieved that goal. I feel I have now. I feel that when I see my sister again and we get a picture together, it's going to be a picture of two equally beautiful girls, not Kaylee and her fat ugly sister. Sounds harsh, but it's the truth! More importantly though, not only do I feel an equal, I can look in the mirror and SEE that I look beautiful. I FEEL beautiful. I turn heads. I feel like a woman. I feel like a woman should.

Now that I have said my piece, here are the honest reasons as to why this surgery is NOT easy:

Food: Everyone needs it, it's an unavoidable part of life. For normal people this is true. For people like myself it is not. The reason for this is because it is not a 'part' of life. It IS life. For food addicts or people who use food as a shield, or a comfort, a spine, or a crutch it is a constant. We think about what we are going to eat for lunch while we are eating breakfast. Eating when we are hungry and only until we are full does not exist in our world. We live to eat. So imagine the trauma, both physically and emotionally, that we inflict upon ourselves when we wake up from surgery and it dawns on us that we can no longer use food as our crutch or best friend. Imagine the will power it takes to accept and adhere to this. NOT EASY. Food is everywhere and constantly shoved into every ones faces. It's like a straight edge person shooting up heroin in front of a recovering addict. That is what it feels like for us to watch normal people scarf down a whopper. Imagine the strength it takes to say no. Every. Single. Day. For the rest of our lives.

Complications: Not only can we not eat normal meals, we often pay the price if we take a chance. A lot of people who have the surgery develop serious food related complications. A major, and most common complication is called Dumping Syndrome. What this is is a reaction your body has to either fatty, fried, or sugary foods. It can also be caused by over eating, eating too fast, or your new stomach/body just saying NO WAY. The food literally 'dumps' from your tiny little stomach into your intestines, and your intestines then flip out and put you in agonizing pain for an hour, and you usually have to sleep it off afterward. Also overeating feels like a concrete brick in your entire abdominal cavity. NOT FUN. I don't eat bread, oatmeal, waffles/pancakes, or much pasta because I just feel like **** afterward. My body just does not appreciate those foods anymore. I can live with these because they are all avoidable.

Besides that, many people develop strictures, which is where the the opening to the stomach closes. People also develop seizures, blood sugar issues, sleeping problems, extreme hair loss, etc. The list goes on and on.

Vitamins and Routine: How many of you have said you were going to diet and quit after a week? How many have started to have a vitamin regimen and then forgot all about them? How many of you say 'I am going to exercise 5 days a week' and never even get to the first day? Well hey guess what. We have to take vitamins every single day for the rest of our lives. And not just a couple Flintstones, I take ten pills a day. Every day. And exercise? Me? Seriously? Um, yea. EVERY DAY. Now imagine going from someone who weighed 300 and didn't do **** all day every day to someone who has a strict food and vitamin regimen and exercises daily LITERALLY overnight. It is not easy, and trust me you most likely would NOT do it. And there is no cheating! There is no I'll do it tomorrow! There is none of that because we know and we FEAR that if we do not do this we are going to go back to what we were. This surgery is a massive motivation and tool and godsend that is NOT EASY. It's grueling and hard and traumatic and I bet you that if half of you tried to live your lives now the way I do and live on the small amounts I do and do the things I have to do you would cry yourselves to sleep at night. Then you would go to dairy queen and get a blizzard and a big ass cheese steak from VNS because you could. I can't. Ever. But god damn do I think about it. I live a life of 'No'. It is NOT EASY.


The Aftermath: This is the part no one seems to realize. I have lost over 100 lbs in 5 months. Let that sink in a little bit. Think about what that has done to me. Consider that I am not done losing weight yet, I still have a good 30-50 lbs to go. Do you think the fat just melts away and you're left with a super model body? Uh, NO. One of the worst side effects of this surgery is that you end up losing your fat but keeping the suit on. What I mean by this is that I am now a little girl trapped in a big girls skin. Extra skin my friends, it ain't pretty! Not only it is uncomfortable, it makes you feel bad! We want to enjoy our new found thinness but how the hell can you really do that when all this extra skin gives you rolls? Well, we love our slimmers. We have plastic surgery. We get our boobs done. But all of this is at a cost. Emotionally, physically, monetarily. It's a whole new battle. It takes a hit emotionally because it makes you feel like you're still fat. I look at myself in the mirror and I see my collar bones and my bony shoulders and my hip and rib bones protrude but I'll be damned if I don't have a big ass gut roll. Or two. Sometimes three. Are they anything compared to what it used to be? No. Is it ugly? Yes. Does Bellamy constantly squish my stomach and make fart noises? Yes. It's a small price to pay for the benefits, but it is hard to deal with regardless. I do plan on surgery later, but I want to have a baby and destroy my body a little bit more first

Another aftermath issue is learning who you are. This new person that I am now, I don't know her! I don't recognize myself or know how to live this way. I have a lifetime of habits to break and I make new discoveries daily. It's like being in a bad accident and having to learn to walk and tie your shoes again. I have to constantly remind myself of silly little things. Yes Jenna, you can fit there. Sit down, you aren't going to break that chair or get stuck in it. Yes Jenna, you can shop in that store. I see my reflection in a store window and double take. In my head I am still a much bigger person and It takes a lot of soul searching and force to come to terms with who I am now. I am learning to be out going and I am learning that I am okay. It is NOT EASY. It may even be the hardest part. It's like being thrown into daylight after spending your life locked in a closet. It's a lot to deal with and is extremely overwhelming and emotionally draining.


For as bad as it is, it's also the greatest thing I have ever done. I have changed myself, my mind, my life, my family, my outlook, and emotions and my appreciation of everything. I feel normal for the first time in my life. I feel equal. I feel like I blend in. I feel invisible in the best way possible. I don't stick out like a sore thumb anymore. I run, I hike, I ride a bike, I have a range of motion I never knew existed. I have bones, everywhere. (Still getting used to that one!) I have energy, I feel happy and healthy and alive. I have learned to enjoy food and not abuse it. I have been given a second chance and all the crying and worry and struggle and everything that I battle on a daily basis will never outweigh the life that has been put back into me. I'll never be that sad, miserable girl again.

So for all of you that say to me that what I've done is 'easy', I hope that this has changed your opinion, and if nothing else, at least changed your opinion about me.


I feel much better now

I love it! Thanks for sharing.

Very true..........all of it!

Thanks for this, it's great!

Tami

Well said.  We have all been through this.  I don't know how many people tried to change my mind about the surgery or accused me of taking "the easy way".  If they only knew.  I now suffer from ulcers that don't seem to want to heal.  Would I do the surgery again?  You betcha!  I can now run 3 miles, non stop, play softball, go on trips and outlast my kids in most things.  I am much happier person since having taken "the easy way".  Missi