tell me you'd be upset too-OT

Good Morning,  I just need to share a little something that happenned yesterday and I can't get it out of my mind and I need all you wonderful people to flame me and tell me to move on or that I have a reason to be a little peeved.  so:

for the last 20 years, I've been making a beaufiful garden at my husband's parents grave.  NO thank you's or $ or even help watering, I drive 15 miles one way 2 times a week to water this garden when they live 1 mile away.  I've asked several times if they could help just to water.  they never said yes or no.  just never did it.  SO, yesterday, my DH and I went to buy all our flowers, he picked out what he wanted for his parents (I helped with colors), we were going today to plant them and put down some mulch.  I put it down as my away message on facebook.  My sister inlaw, who don't talk to any of the family and has a grudge with everyone, pm'd me and said, she was doing the flowers this year.  First of all, I'm happy she is actually making the move and helping out, BUT, do you think it would have been nice to tell us before we got the flowers and possibly drive 15 miles to do this just to see the garden already made???  like I said, i've done it for 20 years (Alone).  I'm I being a baby?  or would you have been insulted too.  oh, and my SIL, DOES NOT even plant flowers at her house, that is not something she enjoys doing.

I would definitely be annoyed that she didn't tell you sooner, or talk to you about it, but at least she is going to help.  Maybe something happened around mother's day that made her think about it.  Like,  for 20 years she has been doing this, I haven't helped at all and they are my parents.  And then she just got the motivation to do it without thinking.  Maybe deep down she thought she was helping you out by taking it over this year?  Just trying to make it seem like it might not be as bad as it sounds??

I agree I would be mad though about finding out that way, and not having discussed it.  Just with a short conversation the whole thing could have had a completely different tone.  Like "I appreciate that you have done this for 20 years and I should have helped more, I would like to take over the flowers this year and do my part."  Then you would have thought maybe she was turning around and being nice.

It all depends on what was behind her taking it over I guess.  Maybe she was being nice (in a weird round about way), or maybe she was being mean knowing you always do this on not telling you until it was too late.  Not sure.

I would be peeved too....it's annoying when people do that and do not say anything, especially since you have been asking for help and she just wants to take it over.  Do you indeed know she is going to follow through with the whole garden thing?  I would maybe hang on to the flowers until you definitely know.  Can you possibly return the plants?

No I would have been really mad too. 

phew, thanks    yes, there is a "HUGE" possibility she won't do it at all.  Don't worry we will be watching, if it's not done in 3 weeks, we will do it.  as for her motive, that is very possible, since this is what she does with any thing and anybody.  dont get me wrong, I am very please she is finally doing it,  there has been alot of family issues that she avoids and it is nice to see her at least try,  but like I said, I think a call or email saying she wanted to do it this year would have been nice.  My DH was kinda pissed too. he looked at me and said "You've done such a beautiful job for so many years, this is almost like saying, Thanks, but no Thanks, for nothing"... I also have a nice statue I usually put there, Unless she asks for it, i'm not bringing it.  Don't want to impose on her arrangment.  I will get over it, just need a day or two. haha

She only replied because of guilt. If she hasn't done it in twenty years or asked to be involved it's for her own selfish reasons she is now.  I don't blame you for being pissed.  And besides, she should have brought it up before now and asked to be involved, not just taken it all over.  It's your DH's parents too.

I'd be wicked peeved too!  I think it's guilt that's driving her too!  I'd make sure she did it before planting the flowers somewhere else!  You are a very special woman to deal with that stuff!  You ROCK!

I would of been pissed too. and probily would have told her I already got flower and done it myself again and tell her she can do it next year..she should of call or emailed you to let you know