how would you handle this?

so I have 3 friends who have had wls.  I actually have more who have but these 3 specifically.  They are more like aquaintances.  anyway... When I see them, usually once a year they always tell me how the surgery didnt' work and how they weigh more now then before surgery.  I never know what to say.  I usually stumble and bumble and say "OHHHHH"?? well that sucks?  how do I handle it? I want to stay possitive for "ME".  if they are negative then that is probably why it didnt' work for them and also just them saying "THE" surgery didn't work.  How about "THEM"???  anyway, I don't want to make waves so don't say anything, but would like to at least defend myself and stay possitive.

I have people tell me that too.  And I am like you and just say oh.  But in reality it is a tool, and if they didn't get help or weren't ready to stop eating their emotions than they will of course fail.  That's a tough one, hopefully someone will give you a good response.  I'll be checking to see what others say.

That is a tough one.  The surgery is not a "magic cure" it is just a tool.  We are as successful as make our tool work for us!!!  I am not sure what I would say to them.  I would not let them get you down though.  There are way more people who have been successful and have done really well and accomplished amazing things. 

I    would say.   Are you and have you been compliant with the   program!!!   I have said that to a few  who tell me   that i look great but it didnt work for them.  I also tell them  that there is a get back on track  workshop they should try. 

I am trying real hard to be compliant most of the time.   I  have to be accountible to me and to  my peers.  Most of the people that i talk to  that have gained their weight back    are not compliant,  eat junk food and drink soda.  and  drink beer and  liquor. and dont exercise.   If you  dont stay  in the calorie  range  and  exercise you will not be successfull as  most of us know.  It is still calories in    calories out.   It is still  a life style change or diet whatever we want to call it.   It is so hard at times.  But    remember my motto.   I LOVE EXERCISE. lol

Have a great  day cheryl  you look great with all that i can see of the pic.

As my other buddies have said the surgery- whether RNY or band is a tool.
It only works well when you work it well and properly.

I find for me it's a brain thing. My brain occasionally slips into large dinner plate mode, snacking mode, bad choice mode, gee I'd really like some of that_____ mode.  Amazingly, my tool and brain are there to remind me that "this is not how to behave".

So what's working here the surgery or my brain? BOTH!!!

They say you have to do things many times for it to become a habit. So for me I figure 53 years of old habits will take me the rest of my lifetime to re-learn.

So my reply would be that it's not easy and you are working hard to re-train yourself to have success.

I'm not sure what I would say either.  If I was a confrontational person, I'd be sure to tell them that this is ONLY a tool and we have to "work it to make it work for us"!!!!!  BUT, I am SOOO non-confrontational, that I'd probably let it slide and just reply like you did...."OH"!

I'm with the others though.......don't let those who aren't successful get you down!  You do what you need to do for you and let them suffer the consequences of their actions!  We are only accountable to ourselves...........we decide what we put into our mouths!  It's hard, most of the time, but it IS up to us to work our tool, not our tool to work on us!!!!!

Hope you figure it out!  Good luck and stay positive!!!!!
Ruth