Feeling Frustrated

Hi Everyone.
I haven't been on in a while.  Things at home have been less than happy lately.  My relationship absolutely sucks and I feel so trapped.  I'm in school now and will graduate in June, then I'll be able to get a decent paying job and hopefully get out.  In the mean time I'm trying not to go crazy. 
Oh, for those who did the card exchange with me, I just found out last night that none of you got my cards.  I had asked John to get stamps for me and mail them 4 or 5 days prior to Christmas, he said no problem and took the cards.  Well, last night when we took the kids out for dinner to celebrate my daughter's 7th b-day, I found the cards in his car.  He said he simply forgot...yet he had confirmed mailing them when I asked the day after I gave them to him.  So, I'm vey sorry that my cards did not go out. 
I just feel like crying.  In the begining of Dec. I tried talking to him about our relationship and how unhappy I am...he in turn told me if I don't like things then I can get the f***out and he will not allow me to take the kids.  He said he'd take me to court and take them.  The way he was acting towards me actually scared me, so I said I'd give our relationship another year (I just wanted to buy some time).  He said he was glad to hear that I wasn't just giving  up on everyone and that we should try counseling.  There is a LONG history of bad times in our relationship.   I stuck it out with him through his drug addiction and acoholism and so much more. I don't feel love for him anymore...more like resentment.  I know I got myself into this mess and it's up to me to get out of it...I guess I just needed to vent a bit.  I know I'm probably not the only woman on here to have ever dealt with a situation like this.  How'd you do it?  How'd you stay sane?  How long did it take for you to be able to get out?  I'd really love advice and input on this. 
I know this is a very personal topic...and one that I maybe should not post in the open, but I don't have many people to talk to.  Thanks for listening.

Let me say that with all the stress of EVERYTHING else being so bad on all of us I truly believe a lot of relationships will be going through some tough times. Believe me I have been married 38 years and we have been through a lot of tough times. I think when we have to deal with so much stress we have no patience to deal with our families like we use too. Counseling benifits all of us. Even counselors have people they talk to!!! I know several that do. But after trying if the relationship is not good for anyone you are doing everyone  worse by keeping it. If that makes sense.
I believe that we all have to support each other and I think on this board we do .So use this safe place to rant and ask for advice..  no matter what the support is needed....
You can always PM me too....

hey Julz, I can't tell you what to do, I don't think I have had problems like that, after 33 years, but I have to say somedays I feel like I could shoot him.  You sound like a very smart woman, and the sooner you make a decision as to what you're gonna do the sooner you can start your new life.  I'm not saying it will be easy, with ANY decision you make, but you can do what ever you put your mind to.  we are here for you anyway you want to chat,  believe me everyone has listened to me ***** for 8 months and NOT ONCE did anyone turn me away.  be strong, keep the school work up and "Have a Great 2009"... Hugs, Cheryl

Hi Julie,
Feel free to vent all you need to!  I can't even imagine what you are going through!  I sure hope it gets better for you!   Just know that you aren't alone and IF you DO need to get out of there, there are place and people to turn to, ok? 
I sure hope things turn around for you this year!
Hugs!!!!!!  
Ruth

Hi Julz, I am so sorry you are going through this.  Don't even worry about the cards. To be honest, I didn't even notice.  Not that you aren't noticable of course!!  But I say this... life is way to short to live like this.... If it is as bad as you say, get YOU and your kids out!  You have rights as their mother and I know there is a LOT of state help for that!!  Post anytime, that is what we are here for!  If you would rather PM me!!  I am here for you!!    And even if he doesn't agree to go, counseling for yourself is a good thing!! BELIEVE ME!! 

Hey Julz...
Kathi said it great when she said..."Life is too short..." especially to go through it UNhappy !!
I for one know there is happiness out there with your name on it...
just up to you to "go for it".
There was a time when it was just "my 3 sons and I..."
I'm not gonna BS ya...there were times when it was really hard...but I'd do it all over again...'cause at least the weights were off my shoulders and I was actually "happy".
I never really realized how UNhappy I was 'til the ex moved out...I've thanked him many times since then for doing me such a wonderful favor !!
I can (finally) say that I actually "like me" now ~ and mean it...and what a great feeling that is !!
I wish you all the very best and message me anytime...

Take Care ~

deb

I'm sorry that you have to go through this - sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. I have been in a really bad relationship - really took the life right out of me and had taken a long time to get back to being me. I stayed in it longer than I should have, leaving was painful - but the best thing I could do.

Do you find that your unhappiness is harder to deal with - without food to comfort you?

Thanks everyone for all your support. 
I've not been doing so well with everything.  I've tried to talk with a couple of my family members about this but I think they are too emotionally involved.  One wants to move me down to Virginia with her.  I lover her for it, but I can't do that to my kids. Their lives are here in Maine...as is mine.  I don't want the issues with him to take away everything we know and love.  So it's SO nice to have all of you to talk to. 
I am making a plan of "HOW TO."  First on the list is finishing school.  Then the obvious, get a stable job-hopefully at York Hospital. (Which is just #1 on my wish list, not an absolute MUST HAVE)  In the meantime, I am going to contact the state housing authority.  I want to know all my options.  I think it would also be smart to seek out some sort of legal advice.  I have heard that pine tree legal services may be able to help, but I'll have to look into it.  I'm taking this on much in the same manner I did WLS.  REASEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH.  I need to prepare for this 100%. 
As for counseling, I agree, it helps tremendously.  I have gone twice, for a year and a half each time.  I am not currently going because I have lost my insurance(As of OCT).  I needed his paystubs (back in Sept)and copies of all the bills to send to Mainecare for the yearly update, but he never gave them to me.  I have even brought home a new application and said he could fill it out or just give me the info, but still nothing.    He just keeps saying he'll get to it when he has time.  I think it's a sort of way for him to have more control, I don't know.  Whatever it is doesn't make any sense to me.  Maincare didn't only help me, it helped the kids and HIM as well. 
Anyway, as for finding comfort, unfortunately, I do find myself turning to food at times.  Not as bad as I use to, but still, I'm doing it.  At least I'm conscious of it now.  That, and my band has been pretty nasty towards me at times...especially at my TOM.  Almost everything I attempt to eat comes right back up.  So, I try to do slim fast and sort of graze on proteins throughout the day.  That way I don't just do the ice cream thing all the time (which I have done more than just a few times).  I'm trying hard to not let stress and my "relationship" take control and undo what I have worked so hard for.  I do so appreciate all of you for being here and helping me calm down and refocus. 
Since reading your replies (here and in PM), I have actually been able to sit level-headed and come up with a little how to plan(mentioned above)  That alone was HUGE for me.  THANKS!! 
I have to go for now to get some things done around the house. I hope you all have a wonderful day! 
I'll talk to you soon.
Julie

Julz, seee, I am so proud of you.  Your a strong woman and I know you'll figure this out.  one step at a time.  As for the Band,  you know as well as I do, how easy it is to eat around it.  ie: ice cream and chips, that all goes down so well.  It is such a learning process, some foods are ok, some arnt', then just when you seem to have found an easy protein/meat that goes down easy, BAM, it don't go down easy.  I found chicken gives me a rough time, but steak is wonderful.  I love Almonds.   and NO ONE is alike.  I've been working on doing Atkins and it seems to be working alot better for weight loss, although the Holidays, I gainned 4 lbs. but "whatever".  Good luck with everything.  we're here for ya,

Hugs, Cheryl

Julie,

I'm sorry things are so bad for you at home right now.
I'm glad that you know that you need to get out. That's the 1st step.
Even if he isn't hitting you, it's still an abusive relationship, just from the few things you have described to us. You need to get out not only for yourself, but for your children. They need to know that this kind of treatment is not "normal". AWAP will help you get out even if he isnt hitting you. Don't wait for him to get that far. AWAP helped my sister. They got her a safe place to live and helped her children and paid for all her legal expenses for her kids. You can do this. You shouldn't wait til you get out of school. I don't know how you've done it this long. It's not healthy for you or your kids. Even if you just call them to talk, it's free. Tell them about the insurance thing. If you have no income you can still get mainecare for you and your kids, without him.
You can also put your name on the low income housing waiting list with out him knowing.

~dori~