How do you get others to understand???

I am having a hard time getting people around me to understand that I can't just do it on my own.  Now I am finding out that DH is not supportive of this decision and without his support that would make this pretty tough. 

Why can't people be supportive and stop telling me how dangerous this is, and how it's the easy way out.  Well, I think that they should do some more research before they spout off, this isn't a quick fix.  It's a tough decision, but one I've been looking in to for more than eight years.

Thank goodness I have you guys to talk to and listen to.  But I don't know if I'll go through with it if I don't have the support I need from my partner in life. 

I guess I am really lucky as my DH is and has been very supportive through this whole process.  I think education is the key with everyone else.  Maybe they need to come on here and read about the ups and downs and how this is NOT always easy!!  They need to understand how hard we've all tried to lose the weight and at times been successful just to gain it all back when we stopped dieting.  This IS a lifestyle change, not a diet!  Anyone who thinks this is easy can just give me a phone call and I'll let them know pretty quick!  haha!

I think they also need to understand the TRUE risks involved!  Would they rather have you leave them early due to a stroke, high blood pressure, diabetes, sleep apnea????  OR.......risk the possibility of death (which IS LESS than gallbladder surgery!!!!!!)!!!!!!! by having the WLS??  I KNOW my family wanted to see me hang around for a LONG time and be able to KEEP up with them and ENJOY the rest of my life.....living a HEALTHY life!  THAT is what I have NOW!!!!!!!

Yeah, there can be some bumps in the road......sometimes little issues come up.  BUT.......ONE day at a time!   Let me tell you........I know about ISSUES!!!  I've had a couple!  BUT........I WOULD NOT trade this tool for anything!  

I REALLY think educating people with the FACTS is soooo important!  Let them read on here or other websites or library........wherever!  

I agree with you that having your DH on board with this whole process is almost a MUST!  Has he met your surgeon?  Gone to classes, nut appts, stuff like that with you?  Involve him, let him ask questions, MAKE him ask questions! 

Don't let anyone talk you out of something if you feel it's what you REALLY want and need!

Wishing you all the best......  Let me know if there's anything I can do to help!
Ruth

Ruth  is  right   Education is the key.

But remember this is your  journey and you need to be comfortible with it!!!   I  didnt have  any support  as far as them understanding  but i was lucky  that  they knew i couldnt  walk anywheres or do  the things that i use to do and love.   I want to be here for my grandchildren  especially the grandson that lives next door.   I had grand parent love till i was in my 20s  and it was so important to me that i try to be  a great grandmother for as long as i can. or he grows up too much.

In the short  term  it will be difficult but if you start the life changes now it will be easier.

Take care and good luck on your journey.

I had no support from pple either at first. I was told i was taking the easy way out and that all i had to do is cut back.. i did that for years with no results..after i had the surgery and lost my first 20 per say..I have all the support they cant believe i weighed as much as i did.. they are all happy for me..there is one person thats a little jealous because i weigh less then her but i smile and say I was alot heavier than u for years...I have pple think im one of my sisters. just last night one asked if i was my younger sister and she is 7 years younger than me..so for me it is so worth not having the support at first to now everyone one says WOW..

One thing I did have was my hubby's support he said what ever u want.

Ruths right its ur choice no one else if this is right for u will do what ever it takes to be happy and  healthy for just YOU..

The most important thing is that you do what is right for you. I would certainly want my husband on board with this decision. Has he attended support group meetings? Can you schedule an extra meeting with the nuts so that his questions are answered and fears put aside?

You are not limited to the scheduled appointments required for surgery- the team is there to help you.

In the case of others around you I wouldn't worry- they have their opinions right or wrong. But it is important to have DH on board.

I hope some education for DH will help.
 
Does he need another RNYer to talk to? Let me know- you're close by and I would be glad to meet with you 2. My DH is also going through this and I will volunteer him to meet with you also. We can speak from direct experience concerning your surgeon. Let me know.

G'morning...just couldn't help responding to this post...
Ruth, Patty and everyone else has definitely "hit the nail on the head".

My DH is SO supportive and has been right from the start and I am very thankful for that...BUT...to the people who have made the statement that "this is the easy way out"...

Line 'em up !!  I'm pretty positive that each and every member would love to have a few minutes with these people...Including ME !!

I'm only 2 weeks out...and would be the first to admit...this has been anything but a walk in the park.  BUT...at the same time...today makes 2 weeks since I've had to take any medication for my diabetes or high blood pressure !!  I have my 2~week check-up this morning and can't wait to have these staples removed !!  After today's blood work (hopefully) I'll be coming off the Lipitor as well.  But this has been anything BUT easy...and anyone who feels that Gastric Bypass is the "easy" way out has no idea at all what Gastric Bypass is !!!

You need to take your DH with you to a support group meeting (if you haven't already) and he has to understand how important his support is ~ I wish you all the luck in the world and hope hubby (eventually) comes around !!

Good Luck !!

deb

Hope all goes well at the Drs. and you get to get rid of one more medication (and those itchy staples).

Kelly

Sometimes I think we talk to other people too much...random acquaintances don't need to know every detail of our lives, and if they don't know you well enough to have seen your struggle with the complications of overweight-ness, they don't know you well enough to really have an opinion. If its family, and they have seen your struggle, shame on them for not wanting your health restored.  Part of the issue, I know is they are afraid, it is elective surgery, but as Ruth said, less complications than gall bladder, would they want you to stay in pain from gall bladder pain???  I call my RNY "My miracle" meaning , it's not for everyone, but it has brought me my life back and I make no explanation or apologies to anyone.  IT IS NOT EASY to give up so much.  It used to be I'd give up so much for so little results or results that didn't last, now what I have let go of, diet pepsi, fried foods, sweets, give me huge results and they stay with me.  It was worth it for me.  Remember you are not asking anyone else to do this, sometimes they act that indignant, YOU are doing this, to YOUR body for YOUR life.  So, really, get a little more bold if you have to, and shut those nay sayers down. We will be here to help you navigate these waters...
love and hugs, hang in there...
kate

I agree with everyone it is your decision to make.  Having you DH would be nice but education is the key.  Sometimes its insecurities in our partners that they feel once we have lost the weight we will leave them.  I'm still not at goal yet but I know its in my future.  I haven't questioned my decision once, I love my tool. We are all here for you.

Judy

You guys are great!  I made DH read all of the replys and now he's saying, "whatever you want. I'll be supportive, but I still don't understand."  So thank you. I pretty much told him that he could be supportive and understanding or he could be my ex-husband.  LOL

I have two appts in Bangor tomorrow, hope I can find the place! 

As far as family, I think you are right that some are worried about the surgery part, but at least one of them I think enjoys that I am overweight. I swear.

Thanks to you all.