A little about my journey and a pix
It's always difficult for me to share photos - I ama private person and on top of that not very photogenic.
Anyway here goes - at least the pieces I can remember given that I'm not a good blogger and haven't written much.
For me, since my surgery it has been up and down. I haven't had any major complications - but I do have to say the for 5 to 6 months were very difficult.
The pre-op diet was torture for me. I was hungry - and not just head hunger - true physical belly growling hunger most of the time - I didn't think it would ever end....but of course it did.
The first two weeks after surgery were not bad - in fact physically was great, I had absolutely no pain to the point that if I didn't have the little incisions, I almost wouldn't have believed I had surgery - I did have the exhaustive effects of anesthesia and slept alot. Also - I could feel this feeling of having zipper teeth in my chest, not painful just something I felt for about three months. A friend of mine who had her surgery about 2 months prior to mine also said she felt it - I'm sure it's just the staples on the pouch until the tissue got built up around it.
At week three is when my surgeon's program had me start soft foods....and this is where it all started going downhill. Nausea....no really NAUSEA....all the time, 24X7 - didn't matter what I tried to eat or not eat at all, complete total all consuming nausea. I never knew how much something like nausea can effect a person, it totally wore me out. I was taking anti-nausea meds, but man it only lessened it enough to allow me to be able to function on some level. With this nausea I was also experiencing vomiting - again it didn't seem to be related to food - frequently it would happen first thing in the am before I had a chance to eat or drink anything. And everything that I did manage to put in my mouth tasted like I would imagine do-do to taste. This lasted from mid-February to the end of June.
It was at about the two month mark that I really started on the emotional roller coaster - hormones all over the place. This is where I learned just how much I used food to stuff my emotions....now that I couldn't....I had to feel them.....might as well had someone continuously slap me in the face....it was almost as constant as the nausea. I can tell you right here and now - there's a lot of types of emotions that I just don't want to have to feel, thank-you very much. I know there is a still a lot more to come up and out of my system, I can still feel the knots. Oddly enough, I still haven't cried once. I wish I could, crying is such a good release. Although it is better for the moment, I'm still thinking about talking to a counselor - I know there is more to come.
Now.....let's talk about the bathroom stuff.........or skip this paragraph if you want. I for my entire life have had IBS.....and now I'm constipated continuously - I took everything and was counting my blessings if I had a bm once a week. Can we say pain and discomfort? Oh yes! I also had a bladder infection going on....it took me until May to realize it though - so yes, this part was painful and not as "free flowing" as it should have been. I have discovered my path for the constipation - I'm eating oatmeal in the morning and as a snack before I go to bed - it's working for me....taking benefiber 3x/day did not.....so I'm sticking with it and plan it in my daily food intake.
Along with the emotional part came an irrational jealousy - and this is probably is the biggest part of why I haven't posted much, along with not having a lot of time. I say this not to minimize anyone else's success - I'm proud of you all - it not easy for anyone - but I've gotta tell ya - with my hormones it just got hard to hear how many sizes people have dropped in the same time frame or how much weight they've lost, or they've gotten to goal or close in the same time frame. And....I know this was the irrational part.....because I have lost weight in this time frame - an average amount, right on track - my clothing sizes haven't gone down that many - but enough - I've taken 5 bags of clothes to Goodwill in Bangor this summer and thrown another full bag not worthy of passing along. I just had more to lose than many of the people I'm aware of that had surgery around the same time as me in real life and on all the boards on here...and if it were the same for all people - would we even have any obesity - we would have a "1 size fits all" solution to weight loss then, wouldn't we?
Hair loss....yup......been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Started early in May ended the end of August for me. I knew it was going to happen, thought I was totally prepared....but there's nothing anyone can say to you to really prepare you for what the experience feels like. There was hair everywhere, my furniture, my clothing, my rugs, my bedding, everything I cooked, my shower, my car, my cubicle at work....I would sit on the deck and run my hands through my hair, bringing out handfuls, letting it fly off in the breeze. My hair also dried out, so it's gotten progressively shorter than is what in the photos below.
Feeders....does anyone else have feeders in their lives? You know people who want you to eat all the time so they can eat all the time? It's a real issue for me - particularly at work, people just don't get it and are constantly trying to get me to eat junk food - and it isn't because they think I don't eat - but they want the social/companionship of eating.
That's about the worst of it....and in retrospective it wasn't that bad, could of been worse - no strictures so far, no hernias, no major complications. It's more that it was the combination of things going on as well as relearning how to eat and fit it into my life was overwhelming.
No for the good part, well that is totally amazing. I think for most of us, we have this surgery because of how the weight has affected our lives - for me it was mobility and pain. I was in chronic pain a minimum of a level 8 all the time, I could barely walk from my house to the car. It's not been resolved 100%, but compared to where I was in January - it's nothing, this all really started to be better in July - it wasn't instant. I have been having such a good time this summer being able to go places, do things - just simple things like being able to go for a walk again. In January I would have to choose just what I could do for a day - either vacuum one room or go grocery shopping.....and then I'd be totally done in from pain and exhaustion. Just last night I came home, immediately went for a 2 mile walk before it rained and then did my grocery shopping on the way home....cooked dinner....played with the dog....and other stuff. I treasure being able to do that....and being able to vacuum through the house all at once and still be able to do other things that same day. Although I didn't have any comorbidites - it was just a matter of time for those - I also didn't have any quality of life at that weight. Heck, I didn't have a life.
I'm getting hope back again, which is something I had given up on before.
Below is a comparison shot of me about a week after surger and at close to six months.
Anyway here goes - at least the pieces I can remember given that I'm not a good blogger and haven't written much.
For me, since my surgery it has been up and down. I haven't had any major complications - but I do have to say the for 5 to 6 months were very difficult.
The pre-op diet was torture for me. I was hungry - and not just head hunger - true physical belly growling hunger most of the time - I didn't think it would ever end....but of course it did.
The first two weeks after surgery were not bad - in fact physically was great, I had absolutely no pain to the point that if I didn't have the little incisions, I almost wouldn't have believed I had surgery - I did have the exhaustive effects of anesthesia and slept alot. Also - I could feel this feeling of having zipper teeth in my chest, not painful just something I felt for about three months. A friend of mine who had her surgery about 2 months prior to mine also said she felt it - I'm sure it's just the staples on the pouch until the tissue got built up around it.
At week three is when my surgeon's program had me start soft foods....and this is where it all started going downhill. Nausea....no really NAUSEA....all the time, 24X7 - didn't matter what I tried to eat or not eat at all, complete total all consuming nausea. I never knew how much something like nausea can effect a person, it totally wore me out. I was taking anti-nausea meds, but man it only lessened it enough to allow me to be able to function on some level. With this nausea I was also experiencing vomiting - again it didn't seem to be related to food - frequently it would happen first thing in the am before I had a chance to eat or drink anything. And everything that I did manage to put in my mouth tasted like I would imagine do-do to taste. This lasted from mid-February to the end of June.
It was at about the two month mark that I really started on the emotional roller coaster - hormones all over the place. This is where I learned just how much I used food to stuff my emotions....now that I couldn't....I had to feel them.....might as well had someone continuously slap me in the face....it was almost as constant as the nausea. I can tell you right here and now - there's a lot of types of emotions that I just don't want to have to feel, thank-you very much. I know there is a still a lot more to come up and out of my system, I can still feel the knots. Oddly enough, I still haven't cried once. I wish I could, crying is such a good release. Although it is better for the moment, I'm still thinking about talking to a counselor - I know there is more to come.
Now.....let's talk about the bathroom stuff.........or skip this paragraph if you want. I for my entire life have had IBS.....and now I'm constipated continuously - I took everything and was counting my blessings if I had a bm once a week. Can we say pain and discomfort? Oh yes! I also had a bladder infection going on....it took me until May to realize it though - so yes, this part was painful and not as "free flowing" as it should have been. I have discovered my path for the constipation - I'm eating oatmeal in the morning and as a snack before I go to bed - it's working for me....taking benefiber 3x/day did not.....so I'm sticking with it and plan it in my daily food intake.
Along with the emotional part came an irrational jealousy - and this is probably is the biggest part of why I haven't posted much, along with not having a lot of time. I say this not to minimize anyone else's success - I'm proud of you all - it not easy for anyone - but I've gotta tell ya - with my hormones it just got hard to hear how many sizes people have dropped in the same time frame or how much weight they've lost, or they've gotten to goal or close in the same time frame. And....I know this was the irrational part.....because I have lost weight in this time frame - an average amount, right on track - my clothing sizes haven't gone down that many - but enough - I've taken 5 bags of clothes to Goodwill in Bangor this summer and thrown another full bag not worthy of passing along. I just had more to lose than many of the people I'm aware of that had surgery around the same time as me in real life and on all the boards on here...and if it were the same for all people - would we even have any obesity - we would have a "1 size fits all" solution to weight loss then, wouldn't we?
Hair loss....yup......been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Started early in May ended the end of August for me. I knew it was going to happen, thought I was totally prepared....but there's nothing anyone can say to you to really prepare you for what the experience feels like. There was hair everywhere, my furniture, my clothing, my rugs, my bedding, everything I cooked, my shower, my car, my cubicle at work....I would sit on the deck and run my hands through my hair, bringing out handfuls, letting it fly off in the breeze. My hair also dried out, so it's gotten progressively shorter than is what in the photos below.
Feeders....does anyone else have feeders in their lives? You know people who want you to eat all the time so they can eat all the time? It's a real issue for me - particularly at work, people just don't get it and are constantly trying to get me to eat junk food - and it isn't because they think I don't eat - but they want the social/companionship of eating.
That's about the worst of it....and in retrospective it wasn't that bad, could of been worse - no strictures so far, no hernias, no major complications. It's more that it was the combination of things going on as well as relearning how to eat and fit it into my life was overwhelming.
No for the good part, well that is totally amazing. I think for most of us, we have this surgery because of how the weight has affected our lives - for me it was mobility and pain. I was in chronic pain a minimum of a level 8 all the time, I could barely walk from my house to the car. It's not been resolved 100%, but compared to where I was in January - it's nothing, this all really started to be better in July - it wasn't instant. I have been having such a good time this summer being able to go places, do things - just simple things like being able to go for a walk again. In January I would have to choose just what I could do for a day - either vacuum one room or go grocery shopping.....and then I'd be totally done in from pain and exhaustion. Just last night I came home, immediately went for a 2 mile walk before it rained and then did my grocery shopping on the way home....cooked dinner....played with the dog....and other stuff. I treasure being able to do that....and being able to vacuum through the house all at once and still be able to do other things that same day. Although I didn't have any comorbidites - it was just a matter of time for those - I also didn't have any quality of life at that weight. Heck, I didn't have a life.
I'm getting hope back again, which is something I had given up on before.
Below is a comparison shot of me about a week after surger and at close to six months.
Thank you so much for sharing with us, I for one am honored tht you were able at last, to do this. Your pic didn't come through but that's ok, we can wait until it does.
Wow, oh Wow, what a journey you have had, you are such a VICTOR!!! Claim your victory! I am in awe of your story and so glad you are on the board offering your wisdom to us and the newer-bees. Whoever said this was easy , well, just didn't know, but your courage and perserverance comes shining through your story. Thank you, thank you , thank you! and love to you ! Glad you are on the other side and are enjoying your new found healthier you!
kate
Wow, oh Wow, what a journey you have had, you are such a VICTOR!!! Claim your victory! I am in awe of your story and so glad you are on the board offering your wisdom to us and the newer-bees. Whoever said this was easy , well, just didn't know, but your courage and perserverance comes shining through your story. Thank you, thank you , thank you! and love to you ! Glad you are on the other side and are enjoying your new found healthier you!
kate
It was magic when she realized who she had become...
Kate
Highest Pre-op right after Surgery Current Goal
236 213 219 140 130
96 lbs lost and gone forever!! To God goes the Glory!
Finally it moved!
Thank you so much for sharing! I find that blogging and posting helps with letting things out and not holding it all inside. I know what you mean about the crying thing. The only time I do is in my therapy sessions with Carol. It really does help a lot! You may want to copy your journey to your blog on OH. That way you can look back on this, There are only good things that will come out of this journey, I am sure you will get there!
Kathi G. I LOVE MY RNY!! 
wow, opening up is wonderful, I know it isnt' easy, sharing, *****ing, being proud, jealous, comparing, all these and more are part of our journey and our life (past, present and futur). We can't get over this all in the short time it takes us to loose weight. LIke I said, the brain takes alot longer to heal, and that is if we figure out what it is we have to heal??? Thank you and Congratulations, you are turning a new page. Hugs, cheryl
Thank you soooooo much for sharing your journey! This is an amazingly life altering journey that we are on and it is filled with ups and downs. Sounds like you've definitely had your share of "issues" (maybe not "major", but issues to contend with none the less!) BUT...you HAVE shown us, through your post, that you are a survivor and very persistent! Kudos to you for doing so well!!!! I am thankful to have met you through this board! You are an inspiration to us all! Thank you for taking the time to share with us!!!! hugs...Ruth
Thank You so much for your post !!
I'm planning to have my surgery in November...and can't help but find you to be an absolute inspiration !! You got off to a rough start but stuck with it and now you sound like you're well on your way !! Your post gives me an idea of what may lie ahead...but also the confidence to know it can be met head on ~ as you have done. You're photo is absolutely amazing...you look so much happier...and I for one am very happy for you !! I hope one day to have the privilege of meeting you and *Congratulating* you in person !!
Take Care ~
and much success to you as you continue on this journey
deb
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