11 #'s and doing way too much thinking....

So........I went from 251.8 to 240.5  this week and once again I'm going through the "do I really want to do this" stage.  I don't know if you all did this, but I started writing letters to my girls and my husband (you know those "what if" letters) and it really got me sad....  I keep going back to the "If I keep doing what I'm doing" I can get this weight off on my own.  This first week of liquids has been a real eye opener.  I feel good...my blood pressure is down to 115/70 (numbers I haven't seen in years).  A big part of me is freaking out thinking I might be one of the "1 in 200"........you know.....    I feel like I would have let my girls down in the biggest way possible if I don't give it one more shot to do it on my own (now that I have the head start).    Do you all think I'm just scared out of my mind?  I've had 2 panic attacks in the last few days.  I'm to the point where I think I might cancel my surgery.  CRAZY right?  After a year of jumping through hoops......    I guess I feel like I'm letting somebody down one way or the other.....Including all of you on this board who have been so supportive......

Devin,
We are here for you NO MATTER WHAT you decide!  Sounds like you are having some second thoughts (and third and fourth......) and I still think it's pretty "normal".  This IS a big decision!  Really do some soul searching about if you can do this on your own...most of us have been able to lose the weight.....but, if you're anything like me, I'd put it all back on and then some!  It's great that you've lost a bunch already and your blood pressure is awesome!   I did the same thing pre-op.....I lost 52 pounds pre-surgery and I asked myself a BUNCH of times if I really needed to have surgery.  BUT, I knew I could lose and couldn't keep it off...but that's just me.  Make yourself a list of the pro's and con's......weigh it all out......think, meditate, pray and don't let the head hunger make your decision.  I don't think ANY of us will tell you what to do......we know what worked for us won't always work for others.  Please, just be at peace with your decision...whichever it is....and know that we'll support you no matter what you decide to do!   Sending you lots of hugs, honks and prayers so you can find that peace to reach your decision..........    Ruth

Oh  Devin   everything you are feeling is perfectly normal.  

Do you think you  can continue to drink liquid diet for the next   six months to take off your weight.
If you think you can  drink a liquid diet  and then keep the weight off  then you go for it.
But my  biggest thing is that i could  take the weight off but it would come back on and then   more would come back on.

You do  what you feel is right for you!!!   Remember this is for you and only  you.
You  need to be a me person to have this surgery.  Because you are doing it for you and not for anyone else.   The benefits of  losing the weight    are for every one else.  

You arent  letting us  down.  YOu need to do what is right for you.

Have a great evening
YOu are in my thoughts and prayers.

Patty

Devin,
Boy do I understand exactly what you are thinking because I have thought some of the same stuff this week. Maybe because I haven't struggled too much with the liquid pre-op diet (saved by gazpacho!) and have lost 12 pounds, I started to think..."hey, I could just keep doing this and forget the surgery!" And then I remembered how many times I have lost 12, 20, 40, 75, even a hundred pounds and here I am weighing more than ever. I need this surgery as a tool not just to help me lose the weight, but lose enough that I actually reach a goal I set...and most important, to keep it off!

But that's me. I am 58 years old and my son is grown, and I don't have any grandchildren yet. I might feel differently if my son was little, I don't know. I don't think so, especially knowing what I know now, but maybe. You have to weigh all your options and decide which risks you are willing to take...because either way, its a risk. Whatever you decide, decide based on what is best for you and your family, not just in the short term, but in the long term as well.

And if you don't have the surgery, you are still always welcome here. We will support you in whatever your decision. God bless you Devin. I will keep you in my prayers!

Best of luck to you Terry on Monday.  You deserve all the best things in life.  Last night I watched all your videos on you-tube  I honestly think if my girls were all grown up I would feel different....Everything is up in the air right now.  Thank you all for the support.   I just can't believe it too****il now for me to feel like I can't risk it.  I really want to make the final decision by the end of the week so I will be able to cancel a week ahead of time (instead of the morning of).  Who knows I just might get the courage to go through with it.  Every day (infact every hour) I'm feeling something different.....but once again thank you all...from the bottom of my heart!

Devin, I know what you are going through.  My little girl is three and I was so afraid that she would have to grow up without me.  I had my share of panic attacks and tearful nights.  I kept going over the pro and cons, praying, and talking it over with my family and my OH family.  I kept going back to the thought of living the rest of my life like I was pre op.  I kept picturing my little girl coming home from school in tears because someone called her Mommy fat.( that would have been in my future).  I was suffering, my marriage was suffering (because of my insecurity) and I didn't want my little girl to suffer someday.  There are risk with any surgery, but this surgery has less risk than having your gallbladder out.  I'm not trying to sway you, but I know that I would NEVER go back to the way my life was before!!!!!  Don't let your fear sway you either.  Fear can paralize you from doing this, but if you are truly being honest with yourself and decide this is not for you, than we will support you!!  This is not for everybody, nor is it the easy way out, but I believe it saved me from a lot of heartache and future physical ailments.  Best Wishes

I couldn't have said it better, these girls know what to say don't they?   Best of Luck to you, You WILL make the right decision.  many Hugs and Honks, Cheryl

G'morning Devin...Hope you're having a better day today...I gotta say, I sure can relate to the way you're thinking...I don't even have a date yet...but believe me I do know exactly how you're feeling !! 
But when all is said and done, I just know that I will have made the right decision... BUT...that's just it...it has to be YOUR decision !!
And whatever you decide...everyone here is gonna be behind you 100%...
I think Keela really covered it though...couldn't have worded it any better !! 
But just remember...YOU have to do what feels right for YOU !!
Take care and hope you have a great day !!

deb

This morning I weighed in at 238.5......WOW!  2 pounds in one day.....I did lots and lots of walking yesterday.......guess it helped.  My decision still goes back and forth depending on the hour.   Thank you for all your comments.....

I am not going to offer you any advise but will say I am going to pray for you to have to wisdom to know the right thing to do for you. Both sides have pros and cons.Best wishes making this tough dicision you are faced with. Hugs n Honks