Lecture...ramblings...sorry

As I mentioned in my post just a few seconds ago that I got a "lecture" about being too skinny.  This from an x-coworker who I really don't like but had to take it for what it was. She went on and on and on about how skinny I look and how my best friend is worried about me and it stresses her out that I'm too thin and not eating right.   I am eating right I am trying to gain weight.  Yesterday morning the scale read 117.8 and I've been eating more!!  Today it was back to 120.4 so I feel better.  Not quite sure how it went up almost 3 lbs in a day???  On Friday I was 118.4 and Thursday I was 120.2 and Wednesday I was 119.6 so the scale is jumping around a lot and it's kind of makes me not want to believe it but I've got to go with it because it's all I have. Another friend was there, someone I truely like and trust, and she was shocked when I showed her my shoulders - my bones stick out!!!  I noticed them yesterday morning after my shower.  I still only catch glimpses of the small me ~ I usually still see the 286lb person in the mirror all the time.  I know the tag says much smaller as does that wacky scale but I just don't see it. I'm still only eating about 1100 calories a day but that's all I'm able to get in.  I must admitt I haven't switched to loaded calorie foods and I still do low fat or reduced fat or fat free but it's because that's what I LIKE.  I've cut back my riding to only once a week for the past 2 weeks and it's depressing me so I need to ride even though it really works off a lot of calories.  My mind needs the workout as do my muscles and my horse. I, unfortunately, had to cancel my counseling session twice.  Once fue to daycare and then because I just didn't have the $25 co-pay.  Because I did this the Dr. won't see me now.  My own fault but I can't do anything about daycare and the cost of gas is KILLING me (as it is everyone else).   I'm turning to you all now for much more support.  I just keep plugging away hoping to stay healthy and get happy. On a good note I met someone at work who had WLS about 2 years ago.  She came in and we chatted for a while and it was so nice to be able to talk face-to-face with someone who has been here.  She looks wonderful having lost 200+ pounds and had plastics to remove her pannani.  She is so happy and beams when she talks about her experience.  Hopefully, she will be able to stop in on occasion to chat.  I really miss the daily support I had from my 3 co-workers at my previous job.  The DAILY support from people who knew me so well is something I'm really struggling with.  That, and I realized this past week that I have not made and friends at my new job.  Everyone is friendly and I talk to them all but none of them are people I can confide in with anything.  I learned that a little while ago when I did spout off and vent to someone I thought I could trust she went and told everyone what I said ~ learned a big lesson there.  Now, I can't trust anyone and it's very lonely at work.  I LOVE my job but wow I didn't realize how my life was filled with my friends at my last job ~ they were my family.  I know they are still there and all I have to do is stop in or pick up the phone but it's not the same.  Okay~ I need to stop ~ I'm sorry for my rambling on about all of this.  Just needed to turn to people who I know are going through some of the same things and people I know I can trust and vent to. Thank you all!!!!

Awww Stephanie. So sorry your having such a hard time. It would be nice if there was some kind of counseling service right on OH for people who can't afford the co pays. {{{{HUGS}}}} Hope your days get better. Do you know the song by Rascal Flatts "My Wish" If you don't know of it go listen to it on You Tube. Because it is what I wish for you and all my family here.

Steph, why don't you meet someone for lunch break, or call and invite a friend over, when DH is out of town.  you need some YOU time.  I understand I am very lonely staying at home too, although I didn't have any friends at SLC, my friend base is my kids, sister and DH.  I was pretty much an outsider at SLC.  MY DH is so wonderful, and the best listener I know.  good luck, and let me know if you need a visit.  Im here for you. cheryl

Hi Stephanie!  Major hugs and honks going out for you!!!!  I know you've been struggling lately, but you know what you need to do!  I KNOW you can do it!  I agree with Cheryl.....make some YOU time!  Go for lunch or a walk or something with some of your old co-workers???  Just keep pluggin away.....We're here for you!  hugs!  Ruth

Steph, I'm dying to know who said that to you?  was she in our work activity area? maybe someone new I don't know??? that wasn't very nice of her to go on and on about you and then telling you your friend is worried about you, making it sound like your friend is talking about you.  I guess you were right in not choosing her for a friend.  I had to learn the hard way, about people talking behind my back, I'm so happy to don't have to deal with that no more, I just hope I never have to again. I went to the formal friday night and as soon as I walked in the door I felt the 2 faced people come to me and tell me how good I looked and "bull ****".  when I know the second I turned my back they all "wispered, she had a lap band surgery"    the funny thing is the only person I didn't get along with at work was the only person I felt was honest and careing.  We just were both controlling and didn't work well together.  haha, now i'm home alone and bored... go figure..!!! have a good week stephanie

Hi Cheryl, I so do not miss the awful people we worked with.  It was someone from WA who said that but she's new so I'm sure you didn't have to deal with her.  I never thought you were an outcast...everyone seemed to love you!!!  I was always thought of as a ***** but I don't care anymore.  I was miserable there the last 6 months or so.  I may be lonely and miss the people who were my friends but I don't miss the drama and the hateful people.  Who did you not get along with?  I'm curious as you seemed to get along with everyone...good poker face! I'd love to get together with you sometime I miss someone I can have good conversation with...I need support!

Hi Steph, I was an outcast "Bad" but like I said, I didnt' care about having friends there, I have my own life outside.  Me and Chris butted heads bad, me and tracy did most of the mowing, I was tired of doing all the work. I only worked part time and did more then most there. I was so lucky to have Tracy there, I would have left along time ago.  I never heard any problems in other departments, I really didn't know what was going on except in my own world.  I was always the last to hear about gossip.  Then I was laughed at cause I didnt' know things.  like  (OMG, cheryl, that happend last week, where were you??)   most things happend after lunch, and I was gone home by then.  during the morning I was busy mowing.  I would love meeting you for lunch or coffee, Do you have a lunch break?  I wouldn't mind going over on a Sat or Sun if you DH is gone and we can just sit and talk.  Ron is gone to his parents on Fri. night and sat mornings (I pick him up around 2:00pm) but no biggie if I'm late picking him up.  Just let me know.  Have car will travel. hehe   talk to you soon, Cheryl P.S.  If you have a vacation day or 1/2 day you can take off, you can come over here and we can float in the lake and talk.