I'm ready to talk

ok, so for a few of you who know i've been a little *****y the last few days, here is my reason "THIS TIME"  man! I need meds.... so, I dont' know how many of you remember a while back I was hurt that OUr son and girlfriend went out, behind my and DH back with our friends.  well, it happend again.  THis TIME !!! IN BOSTON, do you remember us being in BOSTON this week. ha, well, get this, OUr friends, went down, got a room the day after we left Boston, because they had been invited to son's girlfriends house to play cards and meet her family. (WE"VE NEVER BEEN INVITED THERE).... my DH and I are VERY VERY hurt.  so today, after seeing my Son for first time since this happend, I kinda blew up... he said, OMG, are you kidding MOM?  LIke geee we spent 2 days with you at the Sox, why you acting like this??? Please tell me I"m being a baby, but I feel that was very rude?? Why am I so sensitive?  I can't get over this. grrrrrr  Tell me the truth how would you feel?

frist of all i am so sorry ur son or g/f  being like this.... but here is some in side on my life.. right now my hubby and i  live with my mom and dad and bother. my family here as taking my hubby is as one of there own kids and we do everything together as a family we as in hubby and i  are never left out any family thing and we do alot with my family ...  Now as for my hubby family that a whole other diff thing.. they never ask us to do nothing at all and when we call them up and ask them to meet us in augusta beucase is 30 min for them and us for dinner or whatever  it always no do have time or no money and stuff. But when it come to b-day or x-mas  ect they want us there and make sure u bring something LOL.. well every time  we are up there my hubby sister is in the spot light and get what every she wants and on and on.. when is come to going out and stuff  she and whatever b/f she got for the week  go with my  hubby parents all the time and when we are around all the do is talk about and show us pic and ect .. so yes i know somewhat how u feel... so your not the only one that feel this way ..   hope this help some what ...    Amber    

I am sorry Amber, it really does hurt doesn't it?  Have you ever talked to them about it?  I have always kept it in, and hurt all the time.  Maybe as I loose weight and feel more confident I will be able to speak out and say how I feel.  I have always wanted everyone to like me, so just kept it in, now maybe I will be stronger.  Ihope the same for you and your DH.  Thank you and thank God everyday for your family.  Cheryl

I can only speak from personal experience. I have learned however that if I keep things in and you know what if I choose to keep things nobody has a clue that there is anything wrong. I absolutely HATE conflict of any kind. Hubby and I went through some really rough times. After some serious soul searching I realized something.  If I don't open up and talk about whats bothering me It only gets worse. Things have been better since, but still iffy sometimes.  I hope you can find it in yourself to just come out and ask your sons g/f why you have been excluded. Maybe she thinks you don't care because you have never mentioned it. Just a thought.

I just got a long/excuse letter from her, my son called her and told her what I said.  She said whenever they ask us to go out to play pool or play cards, elsewhere, we say no, well, let me just say, I we had a 2 week notice, like our friends have had,we would have said yes in a second.  but they only ask us the night before and with my little man we are not always free to do these things. and they assumed we didn't want to go down to Boston to meet her parents.  Well, how about "Planning ahead" we would of loved it.  NOw, how does she think we will feel meeting them after they have heard we were upset with last weekend.  We look like fools.  but, yes, Kathy, I agree, that maybe it is time to speak up.... that can be hard, there is a fine line between saying what you feel and being mean... and starting up a fight...something to work on, I guess???

Dear Cheryl,

I am glad you spoke your piece. You can't keep stuffing it. Often its not what we say, but how we say it and if you are clear and up front about your feelings before you get so upset or angry, they may hear you better because you are then responding rather than reacting. So at the risk of stirring up the pot even more, let me say this....it is not so much that they made plans with these other friends of yours, because clearly they are friends of theirs now, like it or not. My question is, if they didn't think you'd be upset, why did they do all this without telling you about it until after the fact? Either the kids or their new best friends...the kid-wannabees. (oops..sorry. My bad. Lost the pastor in me for a minute!) They all knew. No doubt.

So, going forward, be clear about what you need in this relationship and know that you can't control what they want or what they do, sad though that may be. Breathe deep and come here and vent. I'll even make you a special video to make you laugh!

Young people just sometimes do not think unfortunately. At least you have made the first step. It takes real courage to face something like. Got to give you major honks for that.

Never apologise for true feelings, Cheryl, they are what they are....I feel she , by not including you while you were in Boston, is giving out a message intentionally or not, that she does not want to include you in her family, I would be very, very hurt, too. I a glad you told your son how you were feeling, because that really is one of the reasons we gain weight, by surpressing our feelings, stuffing them, if you will. You are "acting like that" because you haven't been invited to meet her family, for crying out loud. and your friends were.  It is not like they didn't know you would be in Boston....don't get your son's 'tude about this,either. MEN!!! why don't they understand, and you know she does, so what is her deal?