Frustrated with family and friends

Now that it is getting close to my surgery, I keep hearing the negatives from family and friends... I am hearing alot of things like:  I have this friend that had wls and she weighs more now then she did before she had the surgery.   My husband was told did you know that 50 people died from that surgery last year.  Which my DH was totally against me having the surgery. I told him I was having the surgery and that is final.    I'm really struggling, I still have another week to go on the liquid fast.    I'm so glad that I have this board to turn to.  I know I don't write much on here I'm more of a reader then a talker (I'm a very quiet and shy person) But reading here and on other message boards helps alot.   Your all great people!  Thanks for being here Becky

hey grumps, I wanted to tell you my brother lives in north whitefield, on Devine Rd.  anyway, I have and know I will have the same problem with my husbands family, I have chosen not to tell them, but I know its just a matter of time and they will find out.  as of now, I sit and listen to negative things about it and pretty much diets, they are all health nuts, and work out daily, blah blah, so anyway.  Moody blue eyes, wrote me a little something I actually put on my blog as to what to tell them when I choose to, and I have rehearst it, hehe... so just stand your ground and be strong.  HOw can someone make a decision for someone else, they don't live in your shoes, and if they choose not to support you, then walk away.  they'll come around.  good luck with everything.  and your right, this place is the best thing there is.  it makes me tear up thinking about the support that I get here.  take care,   cheryl

don't let the turkeys get you down. this is your decision and it's the best decision for you. i don't know how many people said they knew someone who knew someone who had the surgery and it's been hell ever since. i think the risks outweigh the negatives. i'm happy i did it an i'm only 5 weeks out. the first couple of weeks were really tough but nothing we all can't handle. if you continue at the rate you are going you'll have consequences anyway. you may or may not have complications but again that's the chance we take to be healthier.

stick to your guys. this is the best thing you can do for yourself and it IS for yourself. this is your decision. try not to be influenced by others. the only one's i'd listen to are actual rny'ers or lap banders. people who know someone have no idea what they are talking about.

my aunt was very upset i went thru with this surgery. now that everything is ok she's happy for me. she admitted she was very scared and concerned because of the horror stories she had heard. yet again, she didn't actually know anyone who had had surgery. again, was a friend of a friend thing.

all will be fine. do your research, go to support groups and continue to chat with us here. we've got your back!

Hey Becky,    I am so sorry you are not getting support from your friends and family. Hmmm where do I begin Yes some people do regain, but they unfortunately were not prepared for the lifetime changes that need to be made to succeed. My Surgeon lets everyone know upfront. WLS alone will do nothing at all for you. It is all your head and heart.   Yes some people do die from WLS sometimes from other issues sometimes surgery related, Has your husband done any research into how many people die from complications from being obese?? So many factors there Heart, Lungs, Circulation, Diabetes, Cancers. So many illnesses have been connected to being obese.   Hang in there you are doing the right thing for you and taking control of your health by having this surgery amidst negativism is a real plus to your character.   My health was going down hill so very fast. I would not change a thing.   Have a wonderful week

Hi Becky!  Stick to your guns!  You've done the research and only you know what is best for you! I think we all know a few poeple in our lives that don't like our decisions, but, it is OUR life, not theirs.  Good luck on the rest of your liquids....  honk    Ruth

Becky, As the others have said yes there are risks to having this surgery.  But there are risks with every kind of surgery including a simple D&C or any time we have anastiga (sp?).  There is just  a lot of media hoopla about weight loss surgery and they have sensationalized the risk and the negitive.  When compared to other types of surgery there is no more chance of death then with things like joint replacement.  The stories of friends of friends that had a bad situation is another hard one to counter but yes there are people who wondered if they did the right thing.  They had pain, nausia, could not eat etc... But usually that is shortly after surgery.  I have been told to wait up to 3 months before I decide if I made a mistake or not because the problems usually resolve within that time and there has been some positive reinforcement by then.  Also many of the friend stories are people that had the surgery 5+ years ago and so much has changed in the last 5 years that it is like a completely different surgery.  You did your research, share it with your DH, but let him worry some he loves you and it is not easy to put the future of someone you love in a stranger's hands.  But you will be fine and in 3 months he will see how far you have come and be happy. Peggy

Thanks all for your words of encouragement.  I feel lots better, like I said earlier your all wonderful. once again thank you Becky

I know quite a few people who have already gone through with the bypass, that was even before support group.  My PCP has only had one patient through all the years pass away from the bypass, and it was from being malnutritioned....and that was her bad. She wasnt taking care of herself like she should have. Just like another person on here said....Youre more likely to pass from joint replacement......and nobody ever thinks about what will happen to you if you DONT have the surgery.... Myself, I'm more worried about dying because I'm fat, than about something happening to me because I'm tryin to do something about it. The proceedure has come a long way even in recent years and its more and more common now, more insurances are covering it because they know next to smoking obesity is the next biggest killer we face.

Becky, I'm sorry you're not getting good support from those family and friends. You're doing what is best for you to make you healthy. If they continue to be negitive and it bothers you, maybe you should distance yourself from them until after the surgery. This is your decision, not theirs. You need people to support you after the surgery. You need to have someone you can count on to help take care of you when you need it even if it's just to get you something when you can't. I don't know what I would of done without my husband. He was a great support and still is. He tells me when I'm eating to fast, or if I've skipped a meal. When I came home from the hospital I was to weak to bathe myself so he gave me baths and washed my hair and helped me walk to the bathroom when I couldn't do it alone. He brought me my drinks and my pureed foods because I couldn't get up on my own. He was the best nurse. I hope you have someone that you can count on like that, just incase you need it. ~dori~

Becky we are all here for ya,,it is your decision to have this surgery. if you think it is right for you who has the right to say it isnt..the surgery was the best thing I could of done for myself. I had alot of family and friends say it wasnt a good idea. now after 8 months everyone can see how much happier and healthier I am. I only have one friend dont know if you can call it that or associate that keeps saying now you have to maintain.. nothing positive..but i dont listen to no one just myself I know this surgery is risky but what surgery isnt. If a person needs heart surgery they have it with no questions. A person need gastric bypass and they think its the easy way out. Let them in my shoes or body for the first 3 months and tell me it easy..We are here for  you.. Barb