I cannot think of a subject line....sorry

This might not make a lot of sense because I'm totally exhausted from the day's events but I'm need some kind words. Until tonight I haven't talked to my boyfriend about surgery or anything.  By anything I mean we've never even discussed my weight...not even once. Did you catch those key words?  Until tonight. This morning I was told my sister will be having a biopsy this Friday.  Scary enough on its own but to make matters worse my brother had the exact biopsy this past August.  Day surgery became a weekend nightmare.  When he got up to go home from the hospital he fell to the floor.  When they went back inside him to find out what was wrong they discovered they accidently nicked his lung and it was full of air.  I know it seems that it should be full of air but it shouldn't.  And just when you thought things couldn't get any worse something else went wrong when they went back in.  Thank God he is okay now but I'm really scared for my sister. The thing that my brother has and my sister might have is genetic.  Yup...I might have the gene also.  The gene alone won't kill me but the worse my health the more apt I am to have the same condition arise. So this evening I told my boyfriend all of this and I told him I really, really need to take better care of myself.  I started waaay back with the beginnings of my weight problems and he was getting impatient with me because I was doing my usual....giving waaay to many details.  He didn't say anthing about being annoyed but I could see that he was.  But I continued because I thought it was important for him to know I have struggled with my weight and I have tried other methods.  For me they just don't work.  Just as soon as I said surgery he said you mean like as in weight loss surgery?  I said yes and he just went on and on and on about how it doesn't work.  People streatch their stomach and they are back where they were before.  He went on and on and on....nothing good.  He told me he'd be at my side and help  me with diet and exercise.  Well that's good I guess but not at all what I wanted to hear.  Never has he been unsupportive of me in any way....until now. I basicly left it as I feel like a failure because I cannot do it the only diet and exercise way.  I told him I'm going to explore surgery...see what it's all about.  Truth is I'm half way through my appointments and in another 2 weeks I'll be waiting for my appointment to see the surgeon. I really don't need any of you to tell me what to do.  I'll figure that out on my own.  But tonight I'm scared I might loose him over this and I'm going crazy here.  I need his support...I hope once he gets over the initial shock he will be supportive.  I just need to be patient and explain it all out to him.   I just really needed to share this with someone and I chose to do it here.  Please think good thoughts for me and pray for me. I'm totally exhausted and I'm headed to bed now.  I hope I can somehow sleep.  My day begins at 5am and I'm wondering how I am going to be able to work tomorrow.  I'd love to stay home but it's not like it will help me any.  I won't get anything accomplished and I need to save my sick time for surgery. Thanks for listening.

Keep your head up Caribou!  I don't know your boyfriend but I'm sure that he will come around.  He is probably just shocked right now and worried about you. 2 out of the 3 most important people of my life ( the other one  is my 2 year old son)were both very against my decision to forgo WLS.  (I am only at stage one, i have my orientation on the 5th)  My mother has freaked out at me 100 times about dieing and me not trying hard enough, and my Fiance/father of my child is up and down about the surgery.  He is very afraid of complications and says he doesn't want to raise our son alone.  I have researched hours upon hours of this surgery and have found the more I explain to them the procedure and benefits of WLS the better they are getting about it.  My mom has even started asking more questions and I think/hope she will change her mind and be supportive.  My families biggest issue is with my age.  I am 23 and they think i have plenty of years to loose weight.  My point to them is that i have been overweight since the age of 7, in 10 years i am likely to still be morbidly obese and having the surgery accompanied with more medical issues.  I hope everything works out for you!  I will say a prayer for you tonight. 

we are all here for you and hoping things work out. we wont tell you what you need to do. Its just hard when you dont want to lose the person you love. Just let us know how you are. We are only online buddie but we are here for ya,, Barb

Actually oddly enough the subject of complications and/or death never came up. It was failure he spoke of. Now before you think he is heartless this subject came after he told me he's scared I may have the same gene as my siblings and he doesn't want to loose me. The conversation about weight loss and surgery was more focused on me getting healthy in attempts to not provoke that gene should I have it. Thank you for your replies.  I really need to hear the kind words.

Im sorry you are going through all this it stinks to say the least.. I just wonder if you let your bf on the view the rny board and see a lot of the long term successes he may be a little less negative.. You know how being well informed is the key.. I think its all a mind set thing.. I went into this whole process as a new life.. No way am I gonna mess this one up.. Just isn't gonna happen.. I believe the people that fail were not mentally or emotionally prepared for the total life change that this surgery creates..I will pray for your bf to have a change of heart.. Take Care and hope all goes well for you sister and you with this test..

Thanks Kathy. I'm hoping once the shock has worn off he will be more open minded. Last night I was just so upset and needed to share my frustration. It always helps having people in similar situations available. Also thank you for caring about my sister.  It's a rare disese...no known cause or cure.  There are some genetics involved...some environmental issues and well...other things.  Because it is so rare there hasn't been a lot of research done.  There is a treatment but it only treats the symptems.  My brother takes the medication when needed and my sister is currently taking it.

Things will perk up I am sure of it.  It is most important to have the support of those closest to us, and I am sure he was in shock.  It doesn't at all sound like he's a bad guy---it sounds like he is worried and may think it is drastic.  Those that are closest to you and care about you the most will be supportive, because they support you---maybe not all your decisions---but you. Not telling you what to do, but what might help is to bring him to a new patient orientation.  I am not sure what they have near you, but the one we have here by Dr. Loggins is excellent.  It is very informative, and it explains soooo much.  He tells you why it is not good to diet and gain, diet and gain.  He gives statistics that would blow his mind.  I don't remember them, but something like only 5 percent of people that diet are considered successful (don't gain it back etc), yet 80% (I really don't knwow the numbers---someone else here might) of WLS patients are successful.   I truly believe once your bf (and mom) learn more about the surgery they will completely come around.

ditto to what tanya said. i'm sure he's scared for you considering what your brother and sister are going thru. i'm sure he see's you worrying about them just as he's worrying about you. also tell him with this surgery you are considered a light weight and there are less complications. the bigger you are the more health issues you have and the higher risk you are. be patient with him and educate him. definately take him to the orientation and support groups. significant others and support members are more than welcome to come. they need to know whats going on and how to support you.

everything will be ok. hang in there.

{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}} I don't think I can say anything that hasn't already been said, we're not matter what happens. Puggydawn's husband wrote this post as the perspective of the spouse - maybe this will be of some help to you by reading the thoughts of a partner: http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/rny/board_id,5465/cat_id,5 065/topic_id,3502477/a,messageboard/action,replies/#27423730 Best wishes for all you are going through, Candace

When I decided to have RNY and my fiance told his father about it I experienced pretty much the same thing. His dad lives in California and came to Maine to visit and we went to Starbucks where he proceeded to lecture me, which was awesome because well we were in Starbucks, not exactly a private conversation. Basically he told me that if I just dieted and exercised more I would lose weight and that I probably just wasn't trying hard enough and he had all these books and ideas that would work. I tried to explain to him that I have tried many many things and they don't work and I just keep gaining, it eventually got to the point where my only responses were "I appreciate your concern" and "I'll keep that in mind."  It ended with him saying he didn't think I should do it but would support me. Obviously I did it and I saw him for the first time since surgery over Christmas. He told me I looked good and was happy I no longer had high blood pressure but I am pretty sure part of him still thinks it was the wrong thing to do and that one of these days I am magically going to balloon back up to 350 lbs. I guess what I am trying to say is that you will always run into people who don't necessarily think it's the right thing and it doesn't matter how close they are to you. I'm sure he's not trying to hurt you, just trying to help you. Give him time to think it over and be open about answering questions. Maybe point him in the direction of information he can read and digest himself and that way he wont feel like you are just telling him one side of the story. Have him come to appointments with you, like the nutrition etc. (I brought my mom with me when I went, they like to see that you have support, also Dr. Toder loves it when family comes with you to the appointment with her because she wants to know you have a support system and she likes to talk to them about it, she had quite a long convo with my fiance when he came with my mom and I to the surgeon consult.) Just some ideas for you.