Feeling scared and lonely

Hello all, I havent posted on this board did not know there was a local board been posting in the main board for a while now.....Here is my story in a short note.....I am 34 years old weight is 328, and I am almost done with the beginning stages just waiting for psych eval in feb then insurance said that I will get my approval so the wait is almost over, I have only been here in Maryland for 2 years so I dont have alot of support here, My boyfriend and I broke up about 1 mo ago he said he will still be there for me and support me but I am so scared to go though this alone....I just dont know If I really can count on him since we are not together.....What do I do I feel so lost I really want this surgery but I am so scared that I cant do it on my own, he still goes to my doc appointments and I feel in my heart that he will be there for me but just knowing that we are not together makes it so much harder, this is a major surgery and life change and I dont know if he really understands what part he is going to have to play for me....I have never depended on anyone in my life and I now I have to depend on him for my support cause I have no one else here so if any one has any encouraging words and help for me please feel free to email me anytime....Thank you all and god bless Lisa Fontes

Howdy Lisa, Welcome to the Maryland Board!! Sounds like you are going through a rough period, componded with a romantic break-up and a major surgery. First, I can only offer my experiences.... Personally, pre-op was SO MUCH HARDER than post-op...pre-op I worried, and the anxiety was really getting to me, and I am a relatively level headed person.... Not sure if you are having open or lap wls, but I had open...I was in the hospital for 4 days, but after being home a few days I did everything for myself, except pick up heavy items......in fact, within 3 days of me getting home, my husband went back to work because I just didn't need him to take care of me... I drove within 1.5 weeks of my open surgery...I also had an almost 3 hour drive home from the hospital...no big deal at all...also, I took only one pain pill after coming home and it was the day I arrived home...and it was more from the fear of pain than actual pain, if that makes any sense. My incision runs from my breast bone to my belly button.... Now, I am not tyring to convince you that you will have any easy time...complications do occur...also, you should have someone with you for at least the first few days...and depending on how well (or not) you do, you might need help for more days...but for me, my husband went on travel 2.5 weeks after my surgery and I was fine...but he had the option of NOT going if it was going to be too much on me... I didn't sleep through the night for a while, trying to get comfortable, so for the first week I was home (2nd week of surgery) I slept, walked, drank my protein drinks, watched tv, walked some more, took naps, etc...you get the idea...nothing too heavy...I would fold clothes, but my husband did carry the clothes basket downstairs for me...although I could have done it if the need had been there...I just would have carried the clothes, no basket... My point is that a lot of us were VERY scared prior to surgery. I will support you as much as my experience allows...as I know others will too.....check out my profile...read my updates as I got closer to surgery...I had a few rough weeks of not knowing if I was doing the right thing.... So, only you can know if wls is right for you and if this is the right time for you.... BTW, I am almost 21 months out from wls, I have lost 130 pounds to goal, went from a size 22/24 to a size 6!! Life is Good!! At times, especially pre-op, it was VERY scary!!! It was a tough decision for me and one that I second guessed EVERY single day before I had surgery.... I am sending warm thoughts your way! RAE

Hello Rae, Thanks for your reply it means alot to me to see that people care, I am having the lap procedure, having open only if she has too..... I am looking for the support that is why I have posted on the local site hoping to find some people that know how I feel to maybe make lasting friendships. I am very scared about my surgery, now that I know it is almost a reality I have alot of emotions going on,I am scared, wondering if I made the right choice, I know all this is normal feelings.... As far as my ex boyfriend he said he will be there for me no matter what, I guess I was just counting on him too much instead of realizing that I have the strength on my own to get through all of this....I try and remember that this is for me. And only I can make me happy and I know I am strong enough to get through anything it is just nice knowing that someone is there for you. thanks again for sharing congrats on the size 6 hope to be on the losing side soon Lisa

Lisa, feel free to email me privately if you need it...btw, I have saved a seat for you, right beside me, on the losing side... also, have you attended any support group meetings? What area do you live? RAE

Welcome Lisa! Do you have any other support available (family, friends, etc)? Dealing with the changing relationship you are going through is hard enough, but adding life-altering surgery to the mix is well...hard and confusing. Maybe taking a step back from him and relying on others for more support reight now would be helpful? I understand that you don't have anyone nearby, neither did I (as far as family goes), because all my family lives out-of-state. But, I found that I had a few friends/coworkers that were great! Have you started going to support groups yet? They can help as well.

Hello Lisa! Pre-surgery is definitely scary and filled with anxiety. I am 2 months out from my LAP RNY and I'm here to tell you that it was the best decision I ever made. I left the hospital on the 4th day after surgery and I felt ok. I also had a hard time sleeping for a few days, getting comfortable was the hard part but it didn't last very long. I drove myself to my 1 week follow-up appointment. It sounds like your break-up wasn't a messy one and that you both have respect for each other. It's nice he feels oblligated to support you but I personally would find another way to have some help. This is the beginning of your new life, and in my opinion, what better way to start it then to be independant of your ex-relationship? Mind you, I'm not a professional and we all have to do what we are comfortable with, so take what I say with a grain of salt. It's my own opinion. I'd definitely take the suggestion of going to the support groups and finding someone close in your area to be your angel. Be well, I know it will all work out.

Alice, Thank you for the words of advice you are right what better way to start over but, I am so greatful to him for being there for me I am looking into support groups or even a local person to talk to and maybe even develope a friendship with,I know I need to not depend on only him.....Thank you so much and congrats on being on the losing side......best wishes Lisa

Hi Lisa Being alone going through this surgery is not the best thing in thye world but it can and has been done.I felt alone even though I was surrounded by family.I had wls on Dec 1 2003 and my starting weight was 598 lbs.Today25 months and some change later I weigh 207 lbs.I feel so much better,I can walk,breath tie my shoes,run,and so much more.It is the best thing I ever did for myself.I wish you nothing but the best and please email me anytime with any questions Lisa(I mean that or just to talk)..............steve

Steve, Thanks for the words of wisdom congrats at taking control of your life I too am looking forward to being on the losing side soon, I know in the long run it will be the best thing I had ever done and thanks for offering me the email for support it means alot to me nice to see such good people here in this site...Take care Lisa

Lisa, If you need to chat or just someone to listen to your concerns, I will gladly be that person. You are not alone unless you choose to be. There are ups and downs and good days and bad but not for one moment do I regret my decision to have this surgery. It was the best gift I ever gave myself. With that being said email me if you need to chat. I think it's amazing that you are taking a step towards taking control of your life. The future is yours for the taking so embrace it. Denise