Farewell To My Friend

This is my first posting so excuse its flaws. I just got my surgery date yesterday of November 1 with Dr Kilgman. Something I have wanted and needed for so long is now a reality and I am scared out of my mind. Food has always been my friend, when I'm happy I eat, when I want to celebrate I eat, when I am sad I eat, when I am lonely I eat. Food has never rejected me, has always had time for me and is always there no matter what, and now I feel like I am saying goodbye to a lifelong and faithful friend. I had all but forgotten about Dr Kligman, I went to my first consultation in May 2005 and he put me on a six month supervised diet. This was very discouraging and I had pretty much given up hope, but I talked to my PCP and he made me feel a little better he prescribed appetite suppressants but unfortunately my prescription plan did not cover it. So it was back to dieting on my own. I was at a low point in my life and I just got on my knees and prayed for sign to show what to do. Two days later I got a call from Janice stating that I got approved for my surgery. Then I got scared, I told her that I would have to check to make sure my insurance was up to date and I would call her back. When I got home from work that night there was a messages from my insurer. I called the next morning and they did an accessment which wasnt so bad until she asked me about a living will. I told her I never thought about it, but me being 350 lbs and 5'4 you would think that the thought had crossed my mind. In comes more fear. I talked to my mom who has been my weight loss drill sargeant since I was ten years old, seemed more excited than I was, so I know I had her full support. I have a on again/ off again relationship with a guy that I feel in my heart loves me but I am now seeing that he wants me to stay exactly where I am. His reaction was not so postive and I quote " I can't believe you are doing this, this surgery is for people who have tried every other option I think you need to get off your lazy a** and powerwalk and jog or something" that was today maybe its his fears talking, fears of me going into surgery, fears of death, maybe fears of me not being the low self-esteem fat girl that loves him unconditionally. I dont know, but I do know this if I can say good-bye to food I can surely say goodbye to him... any advice??

Oh... I am not sure you want to get me started on this subject. But you asked for it. I dated my high school sweetheart for 25 long years off and on. If I heard it one time I heard it a thousand times....You are fat.. you were not fat when I met you. Are you going to eat the whole cake? You need to get off the couch and exercise. I could go on and on but I think you get the picture. I think that is why I could never drop the pounds, I did not want someone else telling me what to do. I am doing this for ME and NO one else. KICK HIM TO THE CURB!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!! I am almost 41 now and met the man of my dreams. He loves me just the way I am and will continue to love me no matter what. You know deep down in your heart what you need to do. I think a lot of us know your pain. I am here if you need to talk feel free to email me. Good luck on your surgery. Denise B

Keita, At one time food was all of our best friend. Dr. kligman is going to give you a tool what you do with that tool is all up to you. If you want a better life and a life without comorbidities and aches and pains that's what you'll have. He's not going to fix your head that's something only you can do and it won't happen overnight. Go to your support group meetings if needed go to other meetings. Right now he's expressing his fears in a not so nice way. I will tell you whether he supports the decision or not there will a ton of other people who will support you. You may have a few that don't and that is totally up to them whether they can get beyond their own bias's to give you what you need, if they can't you don't need them anyways. You've made great strides since May and at 339 lbs it was honestly the best decision I ever made for myself and the best gift. Remember your mourning an upcoming loss and these feelings your are having need to be talked about and you need to decide for yourself if this is what you want. Good luck on your journey. Denise

Kieta-- Say goodbye to him. Anyone who doesn't support you and you wanting to be healthy is unhealthy for your future success. If he's dependant on your being insecure and full of low self-esteem, than he's not the right man for you. As others have said, I could go on. Lean on your therapist and support groups, friends, etc. I know I'm afraid of going through this alone (i.e. no spouse, b/f, or significant other in my life or in my home to help when I need it) but I wouldn't change the fact that I *will* do this for anything because its for *ME* not anyone else.

Keita, Friends want health and happiness for the people they love, only you and he can know if he is just expressing fear, or if he just does not understand that being morbidly obese is not a choice but a medical condition that frequently requires medical intervention or if he wants you to stay obese and unhealthy for his own selfish reasons. If it is out of fear involving him and helping him learn the true risks of the surgery and of staying obese will solve the problem. If it is not understanding Obesity that is something he can educate himself on too. If it is self interest than you need to be done with him. This surgery is not easy on relationships, you need to do it for you and you alone, but if he wants to protect the relationship then he is going to have to put in some effort. Ask him.