Ranting and Raving!!!
There are SOOO many people that have responded to me and offered me so many great words of wisdom that it would be hard to thank everyone.. but a few of you have been extra special... 
Denise, Karen, Terry to name a few. Thank You!!!! 
I can say that I am less than 48 hours away from being "POST-OP"! 
Doesnt that sound kinda like a secret government agency?? Like some special task force?? I am a member of the Elite Post-Ops! 
Lets see..what do I want to rant about today? 
So I have heard some people who are having their surgery this month may be feeling guilty for making this decision to have the surgery. They feel like they are taking the easy way out.. being lazy.. and not having enough will power to make any changes any other way.
Based on my personal thought processes...and my observations... that is society talking. To the average person on the outside looking in... this surgery may seem like a quick fix.. like a simple solution to a problem that someone has not seriously addressed previously. To me.. it couldnt be further from that.
Initially, you all may have heard the modern day parable about the person in the flood.? The guy says god will provide so he winds up refusing all attempts of being rescued.... dies.. and asks God why He ignored his faith in Him and why He let him drown. God answered... "I sent you a truck... a boat.. and a helicopter.. what more did you want?" ?
To me.. that exactly what the surgery is.. a tool being offered to help save my life. If I dont take this chance... and seize this oportunity... how remorseful would I be later on in life when I am on my last breathe of life at the age of 50? or 40 or 35 for that matter.....?
Point is.. I don't feel the least bit guilty for this decision... I am grateful for the opportunity that has presented itself to allow me make some life altering changes. If someone else doesn't understand the long decision making process that has taken to reach this point... it is too bad. I dont have the time or the energy right now to focus on making them feel okay with my decision. I need to be okay with it... I am the one going through this ultimately. So my advice to others... be okay with your own decision.. walk with confidence and others will walk beside you.
I had to reconcile within my own heart that this was the right decision for me. I had to decide if I had enough of the ultimate failures with everything else I had tried. I had to decide if my current health warranted even making any long term plans... I may not be around long enough to even see them come into play so why bother. I had to decide that I was tired of feeling defeated.
Am I scared of the surgery? yeah. Am I scared of the thought of having a heart attack going up a flight of stairs more? You bet!!
I am so ready for this... I FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY quit smoking!!!!
I have tried everything to quit.. the one thing that made a difference...? Knowing that I couldnt have the surgery if I didnt. What a motivator that has been for me...
I couldn't be doing this if it weren't for the support and the encouragement of my family and my friends. This I know is true with all my heart... but.....
I would not have the volume of support and the level of encouragement I do if I didn't already posses the personal conviction of my decision.
I have researched.. I have planned.. I have questioned even my own motives and expectations throughout this process but all along the way.. even with my fumblings.. I have remained ultimately determined.
Its weird.. I am on the edge of completing one the most.. if not THE single most important change of my entire life... and I am surprisingly calmer than I thought I would be at this point. I think I have moved into the point of acceptance. It is now a matter of fact... no longer is it simple conjecture. I am truly awestruck by the fact that the surgery is so close.. it is coming to be truly more and more climatic and exhilerating each hour that passes. I do have all these last minute things to do which is seeming to keep me preoccupied and busy enough to not run amock... Cause we all know how running amock can be cofusing and tiring...
Anyways.. I have exceeded my quota for the week.. I will keep you all posted.. and as I said before ..
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!!!
~J~
Denise, Karen, Terry to name a few. Thank You!!!!
I can say that I am less than 48 hours away from being "POST-OP"!
Doesnt that sound kinda like a secret government agency?? Like some special task force?? I am a member of the Elite Post-Ops!
Lets see..what do I want to rant about today?
So I have heard some people who are having their surgery this month may be feeling guilty for making this decision to have the surgery. They feel like they are taking the easy way out.. being lazy.. and not having enough will power to make any changes any other way.
Based on my personal thought processes...and my observations... that is society talking. To the average person on the outside looking in... this surgery may seem like a quick fix.. like a simple solution to a problem that someone has not seriously addressed previously. To me.. it couldnt be further from that.
Initially, you all may have heard the modern day parable about the person in the flood.? The guy says god will provide so he winds up refusing all attempts of being rescued.... dies.. and asks God why He ignored his faith in Him and why He let him drown. God answered... "I sent you a truck... a boat.. and a helicopter.. what more did you want?" ?
To me.. that exactly what the surgery is.. a tool being offered to help save my life. If I dont take this chance... and seize this oportunity... how remorseful would I be later on in life when I am on my last breathe of life at the age of 50? or 40 or 35 for that matter.....?
Point is.. I don't feel the least bit guilty for this decision... I am grateful for the opportunity that has presented itself to allow me make some life altering changes. If someone else doesn't understand the long decision making process that has taken to reach this point... it is too bad. I dont have the time or the energy right now to focus on making them feel okay with my decision. I need to be okay with it... I am the one going through this ultimately. So my advice to others... be okay with your own decision.. walk with confidence and others will walk beside you.
I had to reconcile within my own heart that this was the right decision for me. I had to decide if I had enough of the ultimate failures with everything else I had tried. I had to decide if my current health warranted even making any long term plans... I may not be around long enough to even see them come into play so why bother. I had to decide that I was tired of feeling defeated.
Am I scared of the surgery? yeah. Am I scared of the thought of having a heart attack going up a flight of stairs more? You bet!!
I am so ready for this... I FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY quit smoking!!!!
I have tried everything to quit.. the one thing that made a difference...? Knowing that I couldnt have the surgery if I didnt. What a motivator that has been for me...
I couldn't be doing this if it weren't for the support and the encouragement of my family and my friends. This I know is true with all my heart... but.....
I would not have the volume of support and the level of encouragement I do if I didn't already posses the personal conviction of my decision.
I have researched.. I have planned.. I have questioned even my own motives and expectations throughout this process but all along the way.. even with my fumblings.. I have remained ultimately determined.
Its weird.. I am on the edge of completing one the most.. if not THE single most important change of my entire life... and I am surprisingly calmer than I thought I would be at this point. I think I have moved into the point of acceptance. It is now a matter of fact... no longer is it simple conjecture. I am truly awestruck by the fact that the surgery is so close.. it is coming to be truly more and more climatic and exhilerating each hour that passes. I do have all these last minute things to do which is seeming to keep me preoccupied and busy enough to not run amock... Cause we all know how running amock can be cofusing and tiring...
Anyways.. I have exceeded my quota for the week.. I will keep you all posted.. and as I said before ..
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!!!
~J~ 
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