Understanding others reactions to weight loss??

For several months now I have read about many friends/family members reactions to people after WLS. Most of what I read is that people really notice and comment on how much better one looks or how much weight one has lost already. I have been hoping for that kind of reaction and just don't get that reaction from anyone. I do have trouble myself seeing the weight loss, but I just assume since I lost over 90 pounds and have not seen most people since before surgery that it would be noticeable and they would comment in some way. The few that have commented are ones that did not meet me before surgery or know me personally before surgery. I don't know if they feel uncomfortable mentioning it or what, but I really am feeling like maybe I still do look absolutely horrible. Some of these people know I had the surgery and some don't. Some of these people are family or good friends and others are acquaintances or coworkers. (I only see my coworkers once a month). I asked someone else about this recently and she said they were just jealous, but I am sure that is not the case with all these people and probably not even with any of them. What could it be. What am I doing wrong? I don't bring it up or mention the weight loss to anyone, but just hope so much that someone will mention it. I know I did this surgery mainly for health reasons, and my health is enormously better and I am thankful, but part of me wants to experience a little bit of positive reinforcement or encouragement for all this hard work. I know I still have at least 30 pounds to lose and I may not get to the weight I was before when my good friends and family saw me at a normal weight, but shouldn't they still notice my accomplishments now or am I just being too sensitive? Is it awful for me to want people to mention something? Thanks for any comments... SueZ

Hi Sue The pnly people who comment on my weight loss are the ones i'm around everyday.I don't care what the rest of the world thinks.I know what your saying about not seeing the weight loss on ourselves,but we are losing.....steve

I like your attitude, Steve. I am trying not to care as much about what everyone else thinks and I continue to work on that issue daily. I guess I just need to keep working on it... SueZ

I see a huge difference in your before & after pics and I think you look great, especially the difference shows in your face. There could be any number of reasons why people don't say anything. Maybe people don't want you to think they thought of you as overweight before? Maybe those *****ally love you for who you are tend to overlook physical aspects to the point where they don't mentally keep track of them. Maybe you are wearing clothes that tend to leave a lot to the imagination. I.E. if you are like me, you like to wear jeans and big comfy t-shirts, so a weight difference might not register to the eyes of the unaware. I plan to start dressing a little differently after I lose a bunch. Maybe to people who see you every day, the change is so gradual they don't notice. Maybe people who haven't seen you in a long time really don't remember in detail what you looked like. Maybe you can make excuses for why my suggestions are all invalid, but you can also assign them validity and come up with more that are likely to be true... because, I don't know you but I'm looking at your pics and you definitely look lighter and healthier in the second pic. You look happy in both. You know how hard you are working. Let how much better you feel, how your clothes fit, and your scale be your positive reinforcement and encouragement. Before you know it, the last 30 will be gone and there won't be any doubts left!

I couldn't have said that better myself Vicky!! Sue - You are doing great and look great. I know sometimes it is really hard for our minds to catch up with the weight loss. I'm the worst too when I'm having PMS/hormonal issues. Matter of fact today was a major psychological Fat day for me. I feel bloated, yucky, moody, and probably had on 10 different outfits on before I could bring myself to walk out the door and go to work. However, deep down I know I am on track and headed in the right direction. I am down almost 50lbs today. I don't need anyone else to validate that for me anymore. I can see a difference in clothing and the numbers. It is nice to get compliments but it is even more important that we work on building our own healthy body image. You lost 90lbs!!! AMAZING!! Say this out loud to yourself and really hear it. YOU LOST 90lbs!!!!

Thanks Stayce! I know I shouldn't need anyone else to validate my progress, and I will continue to think about that. BTW, great job losing 50 pounds already. You are doing great! SueZ

Thanks Vicky. You really made a lot of wonderful points that I wasn't even considering. It helps to look at things differently sometimes in order to understand why people react as they do. Thanks for the encouragement! SueZ

Vicky, I just looked at your profile, and starting off with the picture of Heather Locklear really fooled me for a minute!! Too funny!! SueZ

Hi SueZ, I haven't seen you in such a long while (no we've never met, just go along with me here!) Wow do you look terrific!!!! You have really lost some weight! I know it is such a difficult thing to do but here you are lookin' all skinny on me girlfriend!!!! How'd you do it?? Bet you feel good. How proud you must be of your success! There...your weight loss has officially been noticed!!!! You're doing such a great job. I know it's very encouraging to have others notice your accomplishment, but unfortunately everybody is all wrapped up with their stuff or their "stuff" gets in the way of being happy for you. Glad you posted how you're feeling here, there is a lot of peer support and understanding. Keep up the great work and keep us posted! Take care, Sue T (hey, our names rhyme!)

Thanks Sue. You gave a very cute response. And yes, what you were pretending to say is what the others that had surgery the same time I did say they hear almost daily from their friends, relatives, co-workers, etc. I guess I am just a little jealous that others that had surgery when I did are getting positive responses almost daily and I don't ever get that kind of encouragement. It is obvious from the responses I have received to this post that there are some who do understand and are supporting me, at least here at OH. Thanks for your support and sense of humor! SueZ