Saturday was my Surgiversary

Saturday was my 1 year anniversary of having Lap Band.  I haven't been on the boards much lately but those who have seen me post in the past have known it to be a rough year for me.  I am my own worst critic and enemy unfortunately. 

I didn't really have any kind of celebration.  I did the Walk From Obesity which was emotional for me.  Leading up to the walk I wasn't sure I was going to even go through with it  but the day of I pushed myself.  I was mine own biggest cheerleader and I knew I owed it to myself to go through with it especially since I raised quite a bit of money and becaus it was my 1 year Lap Band Anniversary.  I was a little emotional when I got there. I did walk last Saturday and I went by myself!  Being there alone without friends or family or anyone familiar ON my surgiversary was hard.  Before it started I went to my car and cried and just kept my sunglasses on.

I also had my one year check up on Tuesday and was very nervous.  Because of things going on with my band I thought I might possibly have a slip and was hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.  I met with my surgeon and he is really happy with me and doesn't know why I would be dissapointed in myself but we both know I am.  I've been battling the same 10lbs up and down for like 4-6 months.  If it's not a band issue its a personal issue causing me to just not eat the right things or be a good bander.  I am a little more than half way to my goal and I know it's going to take miracles to get to my goal. Personal life stress and problems especially in the past 4 months have totally consumed me so much that I simply just am not able to concentrate on myself.  Unfortunately with the degree of things happening right now there are other major things I need to deal with and get through.  Although I know I don't make good food choices most of the time lately (eating lots of sliders) and exercise is not a part of the deal at the moment, I am hopeful that my efforts to resolves these other life issues will soon allow me to get back to ME!  I am thankful for my band being placed because had it not been I would be in much worse place weight wise considering food is my go to when I am stressed.

I've been also worrying about my band ALOT and slipping and I've felt I have had good reason to freak out sometimes.  I am am constantly getting stuck and then over the sink or toilet praying for whatever it is to come up and get relief.  Not that I forget I have a band it's just not always the first thing on my mind when taking bigger bites or not chewing right or something.  Then its like DOH! UGH OH!  But I got a barium swallow under fluoro on Tuesday and my band and my pouch looks great! 

Although I have been able to eat larger quantities than I think I should at times, I still recently lost 6 of the bitter 10lbs I have been battling and only have 4 more to go to break the cycle. At this point I'd be happy to stay where I am at given my other personal stressors.

My first year out went really fast and I know had I not been dealing with other things, I would have been a rockstar and most definitely made my 100lbs year goal.  However, that is in the past and from here on out it's, day by day, hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute! 

Hoping to be able to give a better "life" update soon!  But today I am still thankful for my 77lbs gone, the help my band has given me, and most of all my surgeon and his staff for making me feel like despite what I think, thus far I am successful with my band and their door is open anytime I need them! I  my surgeon and his practice I just wish they were an in-network provider!  

Nikki, My life has been full of struggles as well. I have gained 9 pounds and want to lose it so bad. My stress has been way to much. I will tell you that I am happy for you and i wish I was in your shoes. I would be happy to be down 50 pounds and I would be dancing on the celling to be down over 70 pounds. Try to be good to yourself and know that you are trying and some days that is the best we can do. Hang in there and I wish you peace and weight loss. You must consider yourself a success !  Glad all looks well with your pouch and your band having no slips.

                                                                                           Julie

sweetie so sorry you have been struggling so badly. all i can say is that eventually it will get better. like you said, if it were not for the band, you probably would have gained weight. that is a blessing! keep moving forward and hopefully one day you'll be in the clear. (((hugs)))

Thanks Julie and Nicole for reading and replying.   

Nikki - You have done a fantastic job!!  Congrads on your weight loss.  I don't think any of are ever happy with what we've accomplished we all want more.  Part of our make up unfortunately.

Nikki, I know you have had a hard year but you have accomplished so much and I am so proud of you!!! Congratulations on your one year...you deserve all the best and then some!!!

((((hugs))))

If only they could operate on our brains when they do everything else. It would make this a hell of a lot easier. We're always so much harder on ourselves, but you've come such a long way. For what it's worth, I think you've done awesome and you should be so proud of your progress.