Half Way There And I'm Scared....
Well it's been awhile since I've posted much of anything about myself. A few weeks ago I was really a mess and sent a few of you a PM when I was really down in the dumps!
Well I'm back...for now!
And definitely need you all to keep riding this horse called WLS!
I am a little over 6 months out and I'm half way to goal. How? Honestly not sure because I am not the model bandster and I struggle with EVERYTHING in which people say is the reason they don't get a band.
One of my biggest issue is allowing so many outside factors pull me down so heavily which take me out of focus and concentration of my WLS - my eating habits, choices, behavior etc. How can this be avoided? Finances, work and most of all personal relationships have all been hardships for me post-op. Some days I feel like I'm drowning when all 3 hit me at once. Although I always have this board, I do not have ideal support from friends and family - they just don't understand and do not want to take the time to do so. Not to mention my family isn't local so I'm alone often.
I'll be on my third therapist in 2 weeks and I hope this will be it. She is the one at my Dr. office and we worked out a way I could see her financially since I couldn't afford her initially. I'm really hoping this will be my ticket to everything that has been missing since surgery so I can move forward happy and successful.
I am very worried about 2 things in particular - 1. getting to goal and 2. never going back to where I was pre-surgery or even close. I want to live in the now with this WLS but I also want to think about long term as well.
I've been getting better with "living" and not obsessing and staying off the band board has helped me with that....not be as down on myself or compare myself to other and so on, but I still have a long way to go weight wise and mentally and emotionally. I certainly have body image issues as I continue to lose and critcize myself horribly about what i've done to my body at such a young age that even if I lose all my weight there are things that will never go away. I want to feel pretty and sexy and not compared to women on TV and video that are 10 years younger than me! And honestly that is a bad reality from the few men that I've been close to in my life that made me feel like I should be someone else and they could do better than me.
I remember being at my current weight 4 years ago and my mind set was so different. I had alot less going on in my life at the time too and was Scott Free to be ME! I'm just trying to figure out how to get back there or somewhere close. I really try for one day at a time. I really wish I was alot stronger in certain areas of my life and made better decisions. I want to learn how to love life and love myself!
Thanks for reading!
Well I'm back...for now!
And definitely need you all to keep riding this horse called WLS! I am a little over 6 months out and I'm half way to goal. How? Honestly not sure because I am not the model bandster and I struggle with EVERYTHING in which people say is the reason they don't get a band.
One of my biggest issue is allowing so many outside factors pull me down so heavily which take me out of focus and concentration of my WLS - my eating habits, choices, behavior etc. How can this be avoided? Finances, work and most of all personal relationships have all been hardships for me post-op. Some days I feel like I'm drowning when all 3 hit me at once. Although I always have this board, I do not have ideal support from friends and family - they just don't understand and do not want to take the time to do so. Not to mention my family isn't local so I'm alone often.
I'll be on my third therapist in 2 weeks and I hope this will be it. She is the one at my Dr. office and we worked out a way I could see her financially since I couldn't afford her initially. I'm really hoping this will be my ticket to everything that has been missing since surgery so I can move forward happy and successful.
I am very worried about 2 things in particular - 1. getting to goal and 2. never going back to where I was pre-surgery or even close. I want to live in the now with this WLS but I also want to think about long term as well.
I've been getting better with "living" and not obsessing and staying off the band board has helped me with that....not be as down on myself or compare myself to other and so on, but I still have a long way to go weight wise and mentally and emotionally. I certainly have body image issues as I continue to lose and critcize myself horribly about what i've done to my body at such a young age that even if I lose all my weight there are things that will never go away. I want to feel pretty and sexy and not compared to women on TV and video that are 10 years younger than me! And honestly that is a bad reality from the few men that I've been close to in my life that made me feel like I should be someone else and they could do better than me.
I remember being at my current weight 4 years ago and my mind set was so different. I had alot less going on in my life at the time too and was Scott Free to be ME! I'm just trying to figure out how to get back there or somewhere close. I really try for one day at a time. I really wish I was alot stronger in certain areas of my life and made better decisions. I want to learn how to love life and love myself!
Thanks for reading!
Congrats on hitting the half way point!
That in itself is a BIG encouragement - something you are doing is right!
I am proud of the way you RECOGNIZE your self defeating behaviors - half the battle of fighting the demons is knowing what they are! Good luck with the new therapist, I hope they help you get to where you need to be emotionally and physically!
That in itself is a BIG encouragement - something you are doing is right!
I am proud of the way you RECOGNIZE your self defeating behaviors - half the battle of fighting the demons is knowing what they are! Good luck with the new therapist, I hope they help you get to where you need to be emotionally and physically!
Angie
Nikki, I'm sorry you've been through some rough times of late.
But I must say... you're doing GREAT with your weight loss tool! So accept the well deserved pride and give yourself credit for the work! It's not an easy road we've taken on... yet even with your roadblocks, you've stayed the course! So kudos!
And best wishes with your new therapist, the right one can make all the difference!
Keep coming back for support, we'll be here for you!
But I must say... you're doing GREAT with your weight loss tool! So accept the well deserved pride and give yourself credit for the work! It's not an easy road we've taken on... yet even with your roadblocks, you've stayed the course! So kudos!
And best wishes with your new therapist, the right one can make all the difference!
Keep coming back for support, we'll be here for you!
Mitzi
HW:287 SW:253 CW: 178 (75 lbs lost since surgery) GW: 165
Ticker reflects weight loss since start of WLS journey (April 2009):
"Every day, in every way, I'm getting better, Better & BETTER!" ~ José Silva
Man, you're doing amazing! My goal 6 months from surgery is 50lbs and I thought that was being ambitious, so go you!!
It's interesting that several years ago you were at the same weight as now and were happy, or that's what I'm reading? That's tough cause of course I want to see you reach your goal but I also want to tell you that it's ok to be happy at any size/shape/weight. Have you ever read any of the fat positive type boards or groups? www.fatshionista.com is a great source of inspiration for me when it comes to feeling great and looking great at whatever size I happen to be. Just because you want to be a little bit less doesn't mean you shouldn't love yourself and love life before you reach that goal. In fact, I think it would help you get there if you were all around more accepting and loving of yourself.
Most of all, just big congrats on being halfway to goal. And if you did the first half you can do the 2nd.
It's interesting that several years ago you were at the same weight as now and were happy, or that's what I'm reading? That's tough cause of course I want to see you reach your goal but I also want to tell you that it's ok to be happy at any size/shape/weight. Have you ever read any of the fat positive type boards or groups? www.fatshionista.com is a great source of inspiration for me when it comes to feeling great and looking great at whatever size I happen to be. Just because you want to be a little bit less doesn't mean you shouldn't love yourself and love life before you reach that goal. In fact, I think it would help you get there if you were all around more accepting and loving of yourself.
Most of all, just big congrats on being halfway to goal. And if you did the first half you can do the 2nd.
Highest Wt: 274 / LAP-Band Low: 180 / Sleeved at 233 / Goal: 160!
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