Am I being irrational?

Background:

I have a friend who's treated like a family in my house. So much so, that I can't remember the last Friday through Sunday, she didn't spend at my house. No matter what plans we have, with my husband or sister or both, she gets included.

Twice last year, she pulled a no show no call no email no text message on me when there were plans for her to come over. We were all very worried, including my parents. She apologized both times and had lame excuses (one was a fight with a guy, the other was no excuse) for what she'd done. She also promised she would at least send me a quick message to let me know next time. Those are the 2 times I remember because they were plans with my parents and they got worried about her. She's done it more times to just me through the year.

She did it again this past weekend. Her excuse is that she was always tentative for the event. But, before we left friday, the understanding was that we wouldn't see her Friday because she'd be over Saturday.

Come Saturday, no call, no message, no text, no her at my house.

Her excuse: she left her phone at home and was at her mom's house.

Now I know she has internet and a computer there and my sister saw her on Skype Sunday morning. I didn't hear form her till Sunday evening.

I am done with treating her like family. She's being relegated to being one of my friends, just like every other friend. I am not snubbing her, I am not being rude to her. I am just not going out of my way for her.

I am really hurt.

Am I over reacting?

One thing I have discovered - does it matter if you are over reacting?
You feel what you feel and you can't change that.

Do I think you are over reacting? No.  But she needs to know how upset you are...  I would bet she also knows your phone number to have called from her mom's!

I would not stop opening your door to her - I just wouldn't count on her anymore.  And if your plans don't include her, I would simply let it go and forget about it... She will get the hint if you arne't home when she expects you to be, etc. and eventually wise up about her choices of letting people know her plans.

Sorry you are feeling hurt

Thanks Angie!
I do have an out of area cell but our home phone is listed in the white pages.

You are right.

There's just so much else going on that I needed her support these days and I don't have it.

I am missing having a best friend right now.

Great, now I am sitting at my desk crying.

Sylvie, Friendship is sometimes very confusing. I think sometimes we expect much more than people can give. Then when our friends screw up we are so hurt. I myself have been very sensitive and I have been hurt many times. I agree a call or text would have been nice but you need to decide do you want to shut the door or maybe converse with her and let her know how you feel. I don't think you are wrong or overreacting at all. You feel what you feel and you are entitled to that emotion. I hope you can save this friendship as it sounds like  you all are so close. Good luck I can feel your pain.

 

                                                                                                  Julie

Thanks a lot for your words Julie!

she should touch base.  even if just on facebook.  SOMETHING ya know... it's consideration.

I would tell her exactly what you told us... that you care about her but your FAMILY has to come first and that her selfish, inconsiderate, immature (because it's something the teens do) behavior cannot be allowed as a family member....

(((hugs))) i can understand needing that person you can depend on. my best friend chooses men over her friends, including me. so I am with you. i don't know her so i do not know what her deal is but if it hurts more to maintain the relationship than be in it, you might want to consider telling her that. it's sometimes harder to find a good woman huh? LOL

LOL yup

I'm so sorry you're hurting, Silvie!  I agree with everyone, she needs to told your feelings. 

If it were my friend, I think I'd tell her she's hurt me.  That I felt it was rude and inconsiderate not to let you know.  I'd let her know from now on, she won't be 'expected' unless there is a definite plan on her part to be there.

Friends may feel like family... but they're not.  Although friends can be better to us than family too. 

Since she doesn't live with you, she does need other outlets for her social life, don't you think? To be with you and your family every weekend is very limited social life... Maybe she needs to branch out some, to expand her inner circle... but doesn't know how to tell you. 

If she is really so important to you, then talk to her... get this settled before it blows out of proportion and you lose each other.

At least that's what I'd do...