Hubby has issues now.....

PM sent to you.

I think maybe he is afraid of you starting to look better and get more attention. Maybe tell him that his love and support and getting healthier is what matters most right now.

Thank you silvia, I think he is worried about me leaving also.  All I can do is try to reassure him that I LOVE HIM and only him.   He is my world and I truly don't know what I would do without him.
Thanks again

My husband's concerns were with my surviving the surgery and with the long term effects.  It helped him to attend the weight loss seminar with me, as well as to talk directly to people who have had the surgery - including his cousin, other patients at my practice, and support group members.  I had six months to prepare him for my surgery as I was required to do a six month weightloss program prior to surgery, but I knew he was scared for me and at first he fought the surgery hard until he was able to talk to other people.  I made sure he got to talk to my surgeon, and he attended my pre-op appointment with me (the one right before surgery).  I let him take his own list of questions for the doctor.  He knew that RNY would save my life, but he was scared the surgery would go wrong, or I'd have after effects that made me sick.  He felt a lot better by the time I got to the actual operating table.

Sounds to me like your husband is nervous and scared for you.  Give him information he can use - patient testimonials, surgeon reviews, take him to a support group, allow him access to OH (they have a forum for spouses of patients).  Let him talk to your doctor while you are present.

Obesity is an illness - both physical and mental.  It's a disease and this is a tool to help US cure ourselves.

Thank you Bernice for your post, I truly appreciate all the comments from everyone here, it has made me feel better about him being upset at me.   We are going to talk tonight after the kids go to bed and I am going to bring him online and let him see and read for himself all the pros and cons.
Thanks again, you're an angel!!!

I don't think he is at all concerned about losing you if you lose weight.  He's afraid of losing you to the surgery!  He's getting the getting close to the date nerves.  It happens to many significant others, parents, and children of weight loss patients.  Because they may feel it's an "elective" surgery, they start rationalizing that its not something that you HAVE to do.  It is, to you, and they just cannot be in that same mindset.  Don't worry.  It is normal, and once on the other side, he will be okay.  I know the last thing you need right now is to have to hold him up, but sometimes it comes with the territory.

Hang in there.

Terri

Thanks Terri,
I sure hope you are right about this being normal cuz I am soooo stressed about this.  I want him to support me and be there when I just need to cry about it.
I am very glad to know that a LOT of other people have experienced this with their significant other.
Thanks again

My husband did not support my decision...  He went along with it because I *KNEW* it was what I needed.  The day of surgery in preop he told me I could remove the IV and we could still go home...  Thank goodness for the support of the rest of my family... 

It too****il I was 8 months post op for him to admit I made the right decision for me.  He has been beside me the entire journey - but always made me aware that he was doing FOR me, not because he thought it was the right thing, but because he loved ME...

Make sure he has all the information he can - whether it be talking to your surgeon, others who have had surgery or your surgeon/NUT/Psych, etc.  Can you by chance make the dinner in Ellicott City on March 25th? (Jilly's - 6pm)  Err... Scratch that, you have surgery that day!!!

Do you think he would want to sit down and talk to some of us that are post op?  Where would be a good place for you for dinner, etc.?  Maybe even lunch or a phone call to ease his nerves?  Not only is this a life change for you, but it affects him - and he has to be ready emotionally for your changes... 

Good Luck to you both - it is a roller coaster, I won't lie to you - but it is a journey that I would not give up for ANYTHING...

Thanks Angie,
I would LOVE for him to go talk to Dr A or go to a seminar, the problem is that he just started a new job and they have agreed to let him have my surgery date off but he is afraid to take any other time off in fear that he might lose the job.  So therefore, he has been unable to go to any appts with me.  
I even tried to get him into our PCP because he is kind of a friend of the families and my hubby really likes him and his opinions, but we have not been able to coordinate it yet.
I think if I get him online tonight and let him see for himself what the surgery is about and how it has changed so many peoples lives, that he will feel a little better.
Plus I think that he feels bad because he has NOT been able to go to any appts with me and feels kind of in the dark about the whole thing.
All I know is I have to make this better before the 25th.
Thanks for all the support and honesty.

That was a really good idea Angie. Suggesting that he might want to talk to some post ops or go to a WLS seminar. Every Patient handles and reacts to things differently, same for all the significant others of WLS patients. I was going to make the simple suggestion to let your husband read your post and all the replies. Let him read how we reacted to your post, and let him see that other people have been in the same situation as you two!  When someone in your family has WLS, the whole family benefits. Hopefully you get to keep your loved one around a lot longer than you would have before getting the necessary tools for success! I wish you both luck and I pray that you both come to a mutual decision.   See you on the bench, Leslie:)