Hubby has issues now.....

OMG!!!   OK, my surgery is the 25th of March and tonight at the dinner table, my husband says to me...........why cant you just eat less and lose the weight yourself instead of having surgery????
I guess I would have been OK with the question, but he kind of had a BAD TONE in his voice when he said it...........
I told him that I HAVE tried and its easier said than done....he is 5'9 and has always had a 28" waist almost all of his life.......I told him he has no idea what living life BIG is like.  The health issues, the embarassment, humiliation and the emotional rollercoasters that I have endured.......he just has no idea.
He really made me feel like a failure and now I am really upset.
The problem is, I have no idea how to explain to him why I feel this is necessary and that dieting just doesn't work for me.     I guess I am afraid to admit to him that I am a failure.
Has anyone gone through anything like this right before surgery?????
When I first started this journey, he was very supportive, and now...........this........WTF?????
Any good words of advice to help me?????

Honey, Your hubby is running scared and when I lost weight my hubby was the same way. They are so scared when we lose weight since most of the time they have know us to be overweight and they know how to relate to us being FAT. He has got many emotions going on right now and really when times are like this sometimes we say things in the wrong manner. I do not think he meant it as you took it and I am sure he has trouble relating to ourr fat issues and emotions. Try to talk to him and see if you can explain more about your feelings. Good luck and keep positive.    

                                                                                                                  Julie

 

Thanks for the settling words Julie, I really appreciate it...   I will try to talk to him tonight and see how it goes.
Thanks again.

This is a common thing!  There are several reasons he may be saying this.  He may be concerned because it's surgery, but he may also be concerned that you will look good to others, when thinner!!!!!  Ask yourself, when you've been on a diet, in the past, has he brought things into the house that you shouldn't eat?  My husband was against my haviong the surgery, from the very beginning.  You aren't doing this for anyone else, but YOURSELF!  You are #1, at the moment (and always should be!)  Just keep reassuring him that you love him and want to be around for a long time, to share life with him.  My husband has gotten much better, with this, though sometimes still tries to get me to eat things we both know I shouldn't.  Unfortunately, sometimes he succeeds.  Keep a positive attitude with this, you'll be fine and so glad you did it!

Ginger

Awww, Ginger, Thank you so much.  Yes, every time I have dieted he would always make a point to bring home chocolate or cookies or ice cream...............  And he is always telling me that he loves me no matter how BIG I am.  I tried to tell him this is for MY health but he just keeps saying ...........what if this surgery fails, then what????    Your stomach can stretch back out...then what?????   
I told him the surgery WILL WORK and that as long as I stick to my Dr's orders, I will be 100% successful.......I am going to take Julie's advice and talk to him and I always re-assure him how much I love him.
I wanted to tell you that I had my pre-op with Dr Averbach today and it went well.  He didn't do an exam, which I thought he would, but he talked to me to see if I was ready and I asked a bunch of questions.
Then he shook my hand and said........I'll see you on the 25th.
I took my friend with me and she asked what nationality Dr A is......do you have any idea?
Thanks again for your advice. 

Dr. Averbach is russian, and a wonderful surgeon and person, you will be in good hands with him! 

Hey Char,
Thanks for the answer.........Russian would have been the furthest  from my mind.......That is awesome, I have heard nothing but GREAT things about him.
Trust me, nationality doesn't matter, I was just wondering about the accent because my friend went in with me for my pre op and she thought his accent was quite sexy...........LOL
I'm sure she will be up to see me at the hospital!!!!  LOL
Thanks again

oh trust me I understand! He is a nice looking man...dont tell him I said that! LOL

Like Ginger said, that is very common among WLS surgery couples. My husband has always been supportive, but he started eating better and exercising before I had surgery and lost over 100 lbs. I always knew that my WLS was the catalyst and he finally admitted that he was afraid that I'd leave him once I lost weight. I've also noticed that he's become a little insecure, mainly commenting on things like dressing nicer for work than I used to (it doesn't help that I work in law enforcement which is 95% men!) I had to explain to him that it has nothing to do with the men, I dress nicer now because I CAN

I would just be totally honest with him about your feelings. It has nothing to do with diet and exercise. If that was the case, none of us would need WLS. Explain the health benefits and being able to live a long and healthy life together. Ultimately you have to do this for you. People who've never been obese will never understand what it's like to live this life. Good luck to you!

Thank you Brandi for the advice and I truly think he is scared to lose me.
My Mom told me last night that him and her have talked and he thinks that someone better is going to steal me away from him...........Trust me, In my heart, there is NO ONE better than my hubby........he is not perfect, but he is my soul mate.  Has been for the past 17 yrs and always will be..........besides there is nobody else out there that could put up with me!!!  LOL
He has always been thin, as has his whole family (and its a Large family).   I have ALWAYS been the talk of the family and the "outcast" because of my weight - Ive even heard one of his siblings ask him..."what do you see in that Fat B****?"   "You can get someone prettier than her"
One of them even went as far as to try to set him up with her friend................
Nice family huh????
But, I didn't marry his family, I married him because I LOVE HIM with ALL my heart and soul.
I don't know if you listen to country music, but he is my Tim McGraw and I always thought I am his Faith Hill.
Anyways, sorry for going on so long, but I really think you might have hit the nail on the head.
Thank you for your comments and this gives me a little more of a boost to go talk to him.