I gotta have a mini-vent...

Hi all! Debbie Downer here (wah wah wahhhhh).

Usually I am all gung-ho on this journey and thinking positive but I'm feeling a little low today. First of all, I'm going to a bachelorette party in another state this weekend and making the arrangements has made me feel like a chubby pariah. I mean everything from the car we rented to the hotel room we booked had to be specialized to accommodate me. This hotel either offers two double beds or one king and there are 4 of us staying in the room so neither option is optimal. Whomever has to share a DOUBLE bed with me gets screwed royally (not literally, mind you). 

I will just request a roll away bed for me. It's not a huge problem (no pun intended)  but it made me feel like a behemoth . Also I have nothing to wear because I've refused to buy clothes for so long that I had to keep going steadily up in jeans sizes tonight at Fashion Bug until I hit a SNUG 26. 26!!!! Ugh, and it's got a "secret stomach sucking in devise". Really? Come on. This thing would have to be a friggin miracle band in order to suck in my stomach. Puleeze! haha

Also, I'm officiating this wedding in March and I'm feeling self conscious about that and I'm feeling even worse that I'm even thinking of myself at ALL in this scenario because this couldn't be less about me. I love my friends and I am so happy for them and so happy to do this for them. I just wish I were thinner for me and for them. They don't care...they love me to pieces,...but I care. I'm going to be in so many of their wedding photos. I would just feel better about it if I was healthier.

I suppose it all comes down to this: I wish I'd already had the surgery a while ago. I want so badly for this journey to start for me. I've been working on this since July and although I know there are people on here who have been hanging in there for YEARS, I'm feeling frustrated with the waiting with no date to look forward to. I'm just having a lil pity party, so don't mind me. My last visit with the NUT was February 5th. Then snowpocalypse happened and I don't think she's been back to work since that day, so my file is not moving. Which means it's not being submitted for insurance. Which means more delays. I am going a little nuts here. I want a date!

Ok, done whining now...thanks for listening! When is my time gonna come already?!! I'm so ready! On a happy note...I came home from my disastrous shopping trip to find that I'd received my Valentine gift from Erica! That made m day.

Tomorrow is another day.

I think we can all relate on many levels with you.
The snow screwed up my file at my surgeons office as well...but you're closer to a date than I am.

Hang in there, girl!  Your time is coming and things will be great!!!  It's so good you have friends that love you the way you are.... beautiful... regardless of size!

Laura,
Hang in there girl! You are so close, soon you will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I promise. It might seem like it's taking forever, but in reality you are a very young beautiful girl with your whole life ahead of you. You are so fortunate that you are having WLS now instead of suffering with your weight into your  40's and even 50's. Be patient, this lifesaving WLS that will change your future is worth the wait(weight lol) Keep busy, and start burning your nervous energy! Your time is coming. You are in for quite the ride!! Take care, Leslie:)

Laura I get it.   hugs to you cause this is the hardest time.... really... you want the change but you have to wait.... I get it so much.


on the hotel room... DH often travels with the guys and NONE of them are small.  and NONE of them will share beds... they bring blow up air mattresses  even my former 450 pound husband can sleep on one... some of them are double height so that it's raised like a regular bed. 

I can't sleep in a double by myself let alone with anyone....

Deep sigh... love yourself and keep on going the end is in sight.

Oh Laura, hang in there girl.  I think so many of us can relate to what you are going through and have been there and done that in our lives too.  I used to just completely avoid going anywhere with people so I wouldn't have to stay with them for numerous size reasons and sleeping and snoring etc etc.  I hated clothes shopping period!!  It was so depressing, but a necessity, as if I was going to be overweight at least I was going to look good.

You day is coming right around the corner you can see it now it's almost in arms reach.  Most of us suffer for that last year as we get all our ducks in a row for surgery, but don't let it get you down because you now have almost all of your ducks.

Enjoy your time and your great friends!!

(((hugs))) it will happen. i know it is hard but try to work on accepting who you are now instead of wishing you were thinner. you will be the same person, just look different after the surgery. honor that part of you.

Laura:
I so remember the time right before surgery.  We all go through so many emotions and rightfully so, it is a big decision!  I feel your frustration, but I can tell you that the people at Dr. K's office are the best and will get your paperwork submitted in a timely manner.  Call if you need to. Every day if you need to.  Ask when they expect for the paperwork to be submitted, then give them till the day after and call the insurance company to make sure that they got it.  I'm not sure how your insurance company will work, but once mine was submitted, I got an approval within a couple of days and had a date shortly after that.  It seems like it takes so long to see that finish line, but then it arrives quickly.  This time next year, hopefully you will be looking back asking yourself why you worried so much.

I think we all feel ya (not literally, y'know? :))

I hated my 30th birthday because I was the biggest. I didn't want anyone to tae my phot, I didn't even want to go out that day.

This too shall pass and then years down the road, you'll wonder where all that time went :)

((((hugs)))))  This is such a hard time.  I had to go to my neice's wedding just before surgery and was a big part of her day, which meant tons of photos.  I hate to even look at them, I'm so disgusted with the way I let myself get.  I KNOW what you are going through.

First of all, know this - your friends are your friends.  If they love you, then they do not care about your size, what you look like in photos, that you had to get a rollaway bed...they love you for you - fat or thin, short or tall, no matter what.  I told my niece I would ruin her pictures, and she said to me, "You'll only ruin them if you aren't in them." 

Your time will come - I promise.  The waiting is the hardest part, but know this, you are worth the wait.

Big hugs.