Rediscovering my self

Some things that I have been mentally dealing with/thinking about lately...

I have lost over 100 pounds...am currently wearing a 12 and some 10s...and I still can not make myself believe that I can go into a "normal sized" clothing store and buy clothes.

I bought a halloween costume online today and picked the XL sized one..despite the fact that it stated it fit sizes 14-16...I cant admit that it will be too big and then I will have to get it altered to fit me correctly.

I look at thinner women at work, and wonder if "I look like them" and look at the larger women at work and wonder "do they think that I am "the skinny bytch"...

I still think I can eat a huge plate of whatever..and will pile on the food, only to eat a few bites and throw the rest away..

I hate not being able to sink my teeth into a juicy piece of fried chicken and eat 3 or 4 pieces...

I hate watching what I eat every single day of my life...but wouldnt change anything about the decision I made to have the surgery.

I hate when people say, oh you can eat anything, because you got lap band, so it doesnt matter...

I dont regret having the surgery..but sometimes I feel I had more confidence in a larger body..

I have started to be aware of my bones..I was laying on my stomach on the floor and despite my sagging flab, I could feel a pain in my pelvic bone where it was pressing on the floor, my shoulders are narrower, in some pics I can see my collar bone...but then I bytch because I cant get rid of my double *****will I ever be satisfied?)

My breasts look like tube socks...I soo need a lift

Ive noticed more wrinkles in my face.. :(

No..this is not a pity poor me post...Just a lot of negativity has been going through my mind and I wanted to get it out there...My lap band journey hasnt been all fun and games...and was just wondering if all this goes through other peoples minds too

Heather, you look great from your picture and I can tell you have worked oh so hard to get to where you are. I guess after surgery we still keep that big girl mentality. I have not had surgery but all this worries me. I wonder will I be able to deal with all the changes. I even wonder if I have surgery will I be happy or will I hate the xtra skin or the way my bones feel. I would love to be the Skinny ***** for once or then again I wonder do I want to be her. I am one confused gal. I hope that you can come to terms with your body as I have been telling myself that for years. Hold your head up and be proud you done good !!!!!!

 

                                                                                                         Julie

I dont feel that I have worked as hard as I should have, I still make awful food choices and work on making the correct ones every day. I would have thought that after a year, I would have this down pat...I was wrong! WLS still takes a lot of commitment and will power and it is not an easy road to travel (at least in my experience it isnt). Though I may go through periods where I wish I never would have done it, I ultimately feel that the decision to have WLS has changed my life for the better!  I would not change what I have done!

Heather , I think you have done great. The wls is a tool and it must be worked. I know I make bad choices on a daily basis as well as many others. This is so confusing knowing I want to be skinny and healthy but man all this head stuff is rough. I to think and know this is a full time job. I hope one day I can say that I am glad that I had the surgery. I am sure there are many good things that the wls has done for you. Don't be so hard on yourself as we are only human. You look great and I know you must have worked so hard. Congrats...

                                                                                                                     Julie

Hi Heather.

You look great (not sure if that avi is up-to-date.... but it's beautiful)! You have done an amazing -- AMAZING -- job! Over 100 pounds!?!?! I remember meeting you at that support group over at GBHS (??). You were kinda down because you were "losing slowly" and could still "eat a lot". L-O-O-K at you now! I, sadly, am still working through a loooooong stall .

All of your points though, are ones that go through my head (to one extent or another....). On top of all of those, I have days where I feel really good about myself.... and I'm really proud of how far I have come.... and I am so impressed by what I have been doing at the gym..... and then I weigh myself. Still stalled. Up a pound.... down 2 pounds.... up 3.... down 1.... on and on and on. Or, I'll catch a glimpse of my naked self and think --  you still look awful.

I know what they say: "The surgery was on your stomach, not your head", but..... I dunno.... it's still a tough pill to swallow. I get it.

So, I guess to answer your question (speaking for myself only, obviously), all of this goes through my mind too.... every single day.

But seriously woman -- you look MAHVAHLOUS!

Over 100 pounds ----- DAYUMM.

Katherine

 

 

I remember those days....lol...damned if I do and damned if I dont..thats how I feel...well, I cant eat a lot now..lol...barely a few bites of anything...(on most days) I think that is what kills my mentality though...I dont know how RNY patients are, but I can eat something one day and feel really good and then 2 days later eat the same thing and it feels as if I have swallowed a bowling ball after one small chew chew chewed up bite...this can be anything from soup to salad to chicken..it is never constant...To be honest, I really dont know how I have lost over 100 pounds, I am NOT a model lap band patient..I dont limit myself to "healthy foods". If I want something sweet, I eat it..I just dont (cant) eat a lot of it. I may take 2-3 spoonfuls of ice cream or a bite of a twinky...I know some people may read this and scream at me...sorry, but its working for me...and Im human and just cant give up my sweets 100%...

As for stalling..I do that as well, for 3 weeks I stay the same weight....(and I was actually trying to exercise during that time)..lol...I would go up a pound down 2..up 2 down 2...etc etc etc...and then it seemed like that 4th week I lost 3 pounds in 2 days..WTF?

Thank you for the compliment!! YOU LOOK GREAT AS WELL!!! We all need to get together again...its been TOO LONG!!!

 

Heather!!!! You have done AMAZING and since I have seen you recently I can say YOU ARE NOW A RUNT!!! I could not get over how tiny you are honey. It is hard for us to mentally look at ourselves and see the CHANGE but it is there. I dont see it unless someone shows me pictures of myself.............despite the daily WOW moments!!!! 

You have come so far and you are SMALL! You do NOT WEAR AN XL! But I can see why you did that because again its all in our heads. We dont get surgery on our brains............although some of us really REALLY need that! LOL :o)~

IM PROUD OF YOU! YOU LOOK HOT GIRLFRIEND!

THANK YOU! I cant deny that I dont see the changes in myself..I do, but I just dont see them as "drastic"..

 I think of these things from time to time, so you're not alone.  I find myself pulling on clothes that are XL, and L on the racks - when I really should be looking at Mediums.    I'm shocked that I'm sitting in size 14 pants and that they are little loose.  I walk with more confidence, but sometimes, I'm trying to hear if I'm stomping like I used to when I was heavier.  I have become a bit hypocritcal of people who are large - wondering why they haven't done anything, and I try to avoid those kinds of thoughts, maybe they are comfortable with the way they are.  People tell me I look great, but I think about the flabs and the tube socks and the fact that I don't have an a$$, and wonder what it is they are seeing.

The one thing I never have regret and will most likely never regret for as long as I live is having the band surgery.  Just this morning, when I was realizing the 14s I had on were a little loose, I got to thinking, would I have ever been able to lose this weight on my own without any tools?  My mind and heart screamed that no, I wouldn't have been able to do it on my own.

I miss eating quantities of food - I'll agree with you there.  When I do miss the quantity, I take the time to enjoy the quality of the food.  I trick my mind into thinking I'm eating alot when I'm chewing forever.   And yes, I've dealt with the eyes bigger than the stomach syndrome.  It was obvious in Vegas when we went to the buffets for dinner.  Fortunately, I knew when to stop eating.  It was absolutely amazing to my friends and husband.  Before the surgery, I could put away 4 or 5 plates of food and have room for a couple desserts.  Last week, I was full halfway through the first plate.

As long as we are cognizant of what our mind and body is telling us, and as long as we are honest with ourselves, we have a wonderful and successful journey ahead of us. 

Here's to us getting to where we are, and here's to us having success