Not such a great WOW moment/ yet a pleasent surprise
Good Morning fellow OHrs
I had a not so great WOW moment this past weekend. Zells family was in town the first part of July, ie his yountest son, daughter in law and 1 yr old grandson. They sent us a cd of the pictures they took while they were here. I saw the pictures of me with the baby, and with Zell and some of them make me look like I weigh around 400 lbs. and I sobbed. It was devastating. Many thoughts and feelings came flooding back from when I was growing up of being told that no one wanted a fat ugly person for a wife, that I was lazy and good for nothing. Then I got MAD AS HELL, Mad at my ex husband becuase he wanted me to weight in excess of 400 lbs, he is atracked to severly obese woman. Mad at myself for allowing Him to have that much control and for getting to this point.Zell was supportive, but did say you have to overcome this if your going to move forward. He also asked if having the worst picture of me on the computer would help me and I told him no that it would be counter productive.
After having my little pitty party I did not allow it to keep me down or continue to beat myself up. I know I am doing what I have to inorder to take the control and correct the situation. I am making progress, slowly but making progress just the same. My scales are edging down very slowly as I watch what I eat, get to the gym and continue to work on my second appeal, if it is needed. I had decided before we got the pics from the kids that I wanted Zell to take some to include in the second appeal but the ones that the were taken by his kids will be good ones.
I did have a pleasent surprise Saturday. Zell and I went to a Steam Show in Kinzer Pa. Where they have all kinds of steam engines from as far back as the 1800's. The area was very large I would say about 5 acres or more. I was able to walk to all day with out any issues from my right knee. Very little pain, it didn't "go out". My biggest issue was the heat and the fact that my current meds make me so tired so quickly and my legs got very heavy from all of the walking.
But all in all was a great week end.
Onward and upward. I am waiting for a reply to my appeal that UHC recieved on August 12, they have
30 calander days to respond.
Happy Monday all
Zells_lori is "abuddingrose"
I had a not so great WOW moment this past weekend. Zells family was in town the first part of July, ie his yountest son, daughter in law and 1 yr old grandson. They sent us a cd of the pictures they took while they were here. I saw the pictures of me with the baby, and with Zell and some of them make me look like I weigh around 400 lbs. and I sobbed. It was devastating. Many thoughts and feelings came flooding back from when I was growing up of being told that no one wanted a fat ugly person for a wife, that I was lazy and good for nothing. Then I got MAD AS HELL, Mad at my ex husband becuase he wanted me to weight in excess of 400 lbs, he is atracked to severly obese woman. Mad at myself for allowing Him to have that much control and for getting to this point.Zell was supportive, but did say you have to overcome this if your going to move forward. He also asked if having the worst picture of me on the computer would help me and I told him no that it would be counter productive.
After having my little pitty party I did not allow it to keep me down or continue to beat myself up. I know I am doing what I have to inorder to take the control and correct the situation. I am making progress, slowly but making progress just the same. My scales are edging down very slowly as I watch what I eat, get to the gym and continue to work on my second appeal, if it is needed. I had decided before we got the pics from the kids that I wanted Zell to take some to include in the second appeal but the ones that the were taken by his kids will be good ones.
I did have a pleasent surprise Saturday. Zell and I went to a Steam Show in Kinzer Pa. Where they have all kinds of steam engines from as far back as the 1800's. The area was very large I would say about 5 acres or more. I was able to walk to all day with out any issues from my right knee. Very little pain, it didn't "go out". My biggest issue was the heat and the fact that my current meds make me so tired so quickly and my legs got very heavy from all of the walking.
But all in all was a great week end.
Onward and upward. I am waiting for a reply to my appeal that UHC recieved on August 12, they have
30 calander days to respond.
Happy Monday all
Zells_lori is "abuddingrose"
never settle for less than you deserve and you deserve only the best. 
Lori,
I am can relate of how you felt looking at the pictures. It is not easy at all. One time I had pictures taken with the family and when those pics came back (because they were not digital) I cried so much in disgust of how I looked. I even argued with my husnand and told him I was at angry at him for not letting me know. He looked at me and said honey I really never looked at you that way. I really don't see you like that... I just couldn't believe him and I went on with my older kids telling them that they should have loved me enough to tell me.... You know I wasn't being realistic because if you tell someone that they are huge you are going to hurt their feelings and even destroy their spirit.
I had made up my mind fromt hat day forward that I was not going to be unhealthy or obese anymore. It took me a long while to reseach and make a decision as to what sugery I was going to have. I even put it in the back burner for a while because I had another baby then.
The main thing is that you are working on getting youslef healthy and you are a fighter. You are determined and you will not let go of your dream goal to have WLS and be healthy for you!
I am glad that you had a wonderful weekend with Zell in PA. That is amazing in itself that you was able to walk so much. Keep up the great work Lori. I am so PROUD of you!
Hugs,
I am can relate of how you felt looking at the pictures. It is not easy at all. One time I had pictures taken with the family and when those pics came back (because they were not digital) I cried so much in disgust of how I looked. I even argued with my husnand and told him I was at angry at him for not letting me know. He looked at me and said honey I really never looked at you that way. I really don't see you like that... I just couldn't believe him and I went on with my older kids telling them that they should have loved me enough to tell me.... You know I wasn't being realistic because if you tell someone that they are huge you are going to hurt their feelings and even destroy their spirit.
I had made up my mind fromt hat day forward that I was not going to be unhealthy or obese anymore. It took me a long while to reseach and make a decision as to what sugery I was going to have. I even put it in the back burner for a while because I had another baby then.
The main thing is that you are working on getting youslef healthy and you are a fighter. You are determined and you will not let go of your dream goal to have WLS and be healthy for you!
I am glad that you had a wonderful weekend with Zell in PA. That is amazing in itself that you was able to walk so much. Keep up the great work Lori. I am so PROUD of you!
Hugs,
I am who I am and accept my feelings wholeheartedly.
Those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind.
Cira 249/144.0 current/goal 154/ 5'3" 10 lbs below my Dr's goal
Cira:
Thank you so much for the encouragement.
I greatly appreciate it. I thought it was amazing as well being able to walk so much. But I am trying my darnedist to get where I need/want to be. The odd thing, if you will, is that yesterday a friend and I went to a social gathering and I used a work I don't like using.........HATE..........
I told my friend Sissy that I hated my exhusband for wanting me to be so large.
I do not like that word but ....ya know ........
I don't hate him personally, but I hate him for the idea of me being an unhealthy weight, that is just toally selfish.
But I don't carry a grudge.
Take care
Zells_lori is "abuddingrose"
Thank you so much for the encouragement.
I greatly appreciate it. I thought it was amazing as well being able to walk so much. But I am trying my darnedist to get where I need/want to be. The odd thing, if you will, is that yesterday a friend and I went to a social gathering and I used a work I don't like using.........HATE..........
I told my friend Sissy that I hated my exhusband for wanting me to be so large.
I do not like that word but ....ya know ........
I don't hate him personally, but I hate him for the idea of me being an unhealthy weight, that is just toally selfish.
But I don't carry a grudge.
Take care
Zells_lori is "abuddingrose"
Lori,
Unfortunately there are many unsecured men out there that prefers their women to be obese just because they are insecure. It is natural to feel the way you do. Girl I don't blame you one bit. The good thing is that you are NOT any longer with him and he can not control you anymore. You are blessed with Zell and he is on your corner waiting for that rose to bloom.
Big hugs to you!
Unfortunately there are many unsecured men out there that prefers their women to be obese just because they are insecure. It is natural to feel the way you do. Girl I don't blame you one bit. The good thing is that you are NOT any longer with him and he can not control you anymore. You are blessed with Zell and he is on your corner waiting for that rose to bloom.
Big hugs to you!
I am who I am and accept my feelings wholeheartedly.
Those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind.
Cira 249/144.0 current/goal 154/ 5'3" 10 lbs below my Dr's goal
Most Active
Recent Topics
