3,2 1 Hard to get my head around it!

This is hard post for me as I don't do well talking about my accomplishments but thought to mentally get better I needed to do this. I went to the doctor's today and was shocked to see that scale said 193 pounds!!  Especially since this time last year the scale said 323 pounds!!!! So in 10 months I moved from the 3's to the 2's and now the 1's!  losing a whopping 130 pounds!!
It took me a awhile to realize I actually did this.  I have not been 193 pounds since 1972!!!   Mentally I still view myself at my high weight as  I keep trying to shop in the larger size department even though I can wear a large top instead of a 4x and can wear a 12-14 pants instead of 30-32.  Hell, I actually got depressed when I could not find something to wear in my favorite fat lady store that I always shopped in which was Catherines!! I use to love that store!!  Then to top it off my husband says to me all the time- "you don't have any ass left" I do have an ass it is just alot smaller and he is always telling me I looked better when I was heavier he thinks I am too thin.  I still have 33 pounds to go till goal weight!!  The only thing that really gets to me men who never gave me a second look when I was heavy now all of sudden pay attention to me and some would find that appealing but it really ****** me off!! Because I feel like screaming I am the same person just because I visually look different now you want to give me second look- go away asshole!!  On the other hand the human behavior is very interesting on how people notice a thinner person and it makes me sad especially for those who still battle with weight issues.   I am working each and everyday to accept myself as I am now and somehow I thought things would be so much easier. Does anyone else struggle with these issues.  ANY COMMENTS AND THOUGHTS ARE APPRECIATED!

Thanks for listening and letting me share.

Hugs
Terri

Terri, that is absolutely amazing!!!  You've done a great job WOOHOO!!!  I can completely understand about being pissed off with the clothes lol  I swear that most women shopping for clothes right now wear the same size that I do!!!  I have the hardest time finding a 16/18 and when I'm looking at the Plus sized stuff for the smaller sizes there all I can find is the 4X things! LOL  The irony of it all!  As for your husband, slap him! You aren't too thin and God knows that you are healthier now than ever.  It might sound harsh, but thin is better than fat and dying!  I'm sure he'd prefer to have you here beside him for the long haul thinner.  If not, maybe he's just got his own insecurities thinking that the thinner healthier you is more attractive to other men now than when you were obese.  That's his own issue to work through.  My husband made me get off his lap because my ass is TOO BONEY!  Whatever!!! lol

Heather,

Thank you so much for your post.. Well said I might add!   Also, love the new avatar especially the little cutie poking her head on your shoulder she is precious!!!  Take care.

Hugs
Terri

Hi Terri,

First, I want to say WOW - CONGRATULATIONS! I know you have had a number of extra challenges on your journey. Even so, you are doing a fabulous job. You so deserve to enjoy your accomplishment.

Yes, I think it takes a long time to adjust to the "new" body. After all, we lived in it for a very long time and we have only been in the new one a short while. I think it will take each  of us a while for our heads to catch up with our bodies. From everything I have heard from longer term post WLS folks, this is all quite normal.

I agree there are too many people in this world who make judgements based on looks instead of the character of a person. Sometimes now, I will hear someone comment on someone who is weight challenged and I will wonder what they have said behind my back if this is how they think. It makes me wary to trust some people. The people who I value the most are those who cared about me when I was at my worst. This is a very complex dynamic because I also think that I carry myself with more confidence than I used to.  Yet I have also observed weight challenged people who are confident despite their weight issues and they seem to be admired regardless of their appearance.I guess I will never figure it out 100%. I will try to ignore those who are superficial in their judgements. I am starting to ramble now. Guess I am getting tired.

Thank you for raising this issue for discussion.

Debbie

Deb

Thank you soo much for your thoughts. I so appreciate and read everything you write in posts even though I may not always respond.  You are always so positive and stay so neutral and come accross a true, sincere and honest person that you are.   You are so right about the superficial judgements I have no time for that. People need to accept people for who they are are and I feel everyone has something to be valued.  By the way, I never have viewed you as rambling. Have a great weekend and thank you so much again!!

Hugs
Terri

Ter:
I am in your boat.  I'm at 185 right now, from 303 last March and even higher before that.  I think my highest weight was 340's.  When I look at myself in the mirror, I still see Lisa.  Not thin Lisa, just the Lisa that I have always seen.  I am in 14/16's right now and my husband tells me that I'm nothing but skin and bones.  I think this has hindered me getting to my drs. goal of 140 lbs.  I personally think 140lbs is too thin for me and I would like to get to 160.  That's 25 lbs.  I've never been so close to being at a goal weight.  I have the same problem with clothes, can't find anything in my size and always see good stuff in the size that I was.  I still have separation anxiety from my previous clothing and it was not until this past weekend that I emptied the remaining 26/28's out of my closet.  Congratulations to you and to me!!!!  I however, don't see men paying more attention to me, I find just the opposite, now that I'm thinner I don't "stick out" as much and I have alot of annonymity (sp?).  My ego is not being stroked as much as I thought or perhaps wished that it would.  I do feel better about myself and my health and I will keep striving to reach my goal weight.

Lisa

Thank you so much for your thoughts. Congratulations on your weightloss success you have done well!!!  Yes we are alot alike and I think that is why  we connected so well. It is funny you said you had trouble separting from you old size clothes. I just cleaned out my closet of  most of the ones I had for work now I need to work on getting rid of spring and summer.   I agree with you on the goal weight I think 160 would be good for you, that is what my goal weight is.  I would be too thin if I went down past that.  You should talk to your doctor about changing it.  The charts with my height say I should be about 130 could never imagine it.   As for the hubby's and men forget them we will move on!!!  Take care. You going on the NY trip, I have never been there I am thinking about going. Keep in touch. Let's plan to meet on Saturday real soon maybe in Easton we could have lunch and just talk.  I would really like that.

Hugs
Terri 

Terri, I'm proud of you!  You've done alot, and thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with us.  It helps us know that we are not alone in feeling like this.

I agree with what everyone before me has said and wanted to point out the part about the statement of being healthier instead of being fat and dying; if you become ill, at least he can carry you, since you are light enough nowadays.

My husband is still waiting for the time he can carry me over the threshold - I was too heavy for him on our wedding day. 

If my husband were to tell me that my ass or chest is too small, if he wants it bigger like I would have preferred, I'd tell him to pay up!   

As for as those who ignored you in the beginning, and are gawking now - there is a statement that I think of frequently in those kinds of cases - you're not worth my time because your time is conditional. 

But then I have to backtrack sometimes on this.  Because as we lose the weight, we become real women - we have the best package there is because our personality developed to compensate for our looks when we were larger, and as we get thinner, our personality stays with us (the good parts I mean. )  For example, humor was my personality trait to compensate for being big.  As I'm getting smaller, I am still funny.    We become s-s-s-s-sizzling hot in ourselves that our confidence shines through as each pound melts away.  Men are naturally attracted to women who are confident - some may fear them, others may love it. 

So we run around smiling at our NSVs and SVs, smiling at ourselves that the beauty we thought we didn't have is showing.  It's sort of a glowing like pregnant women, only ours last longer.

Okay, I'm getting down off my soap box.  But Terri - you are beautiful and you can stick it out.  You will catch up especially with friends like us! 

Thank you so much and very well said!! I totally agree we are beautiful woman and we will prevail!! Looking forward to meeting you in person!

Hugs
Terri

Wow, I am not whee you all are now but can remember when I lost 100lbs people who would never speak to me started talking to me. I was still the same JULIE just smaller. It pi***s me off too. I remember buy smaller clothes and still felt FAT. I still dont undrstand why. Maybe when I lose the weight this time I wont have these issues as bad since I have been through this before. I also think our hubbies are use to us being overweight and they dont know how to react and they are inscure. Just like yesterday Tia talked about hiding behind our fat. Thats what we have done for so long and its hard to get away from that mentality and when we emerge people dont know  how to deal with us being reborn and coming to life. We are Like Frosty the snowman when we come to life.
 I commend all of you who have been on this journey and have come to terms with the new you and those who havent just keep pushing on you are all beautiful no matter your size.

                                                                                  Julie