Green Eyed Hubbies? Or Starry Eyed?

Since we've begun our journey through this amazing WLS path, have you noticed that hubbies or significant others change as we lose weight?  If so, how?

Candy....
   I am in the beginning stages {end of the 6 month supervised}, but I have been on this journey for 2 years. My hubby has been very supportive.... he has given me more strength & determination than I ever thought possible....he has changed his lifestyle too {he exercises, is gonna quit smoking with me, changed eating style, etc....}......he is as excited as I am! It's weird tho.... like he says "It doesnt matter whether your the size you are or if you are smaller, I am still gonna love you".....shortly followed by " When you loose all this weight, I am gonna have to fight over you aren't I?" {he isnt normally a jealous type of man; he is very secure...so I think this is cute?!?!?!}..... he also has said it going to be weird when I loose the weight because my oldest daughter & I look so much alike now!
So I guess to sum up my long drawn out response..... my hubby has changed, but I feel its for the best!

~heather

I don't have either, but you know I have to chime in. 

It's actually pretty common.  During one of my MANY attempts to lose weight, I was married to a GORGEOUS guy, who was actually a certified a$$hole.  Having typical fat girl syndrome, I married him, knowing he was an emotionally abusive alcoholic, becaused I feared being alone for the rest of my life.....and here I am....alone.......but better to be alone than with someone and be miserable.

Anyway, that was in the early 90's, when Nutrisystem was taking gallbladders out for free.  He said to me, "I know you're going to leave me when you lose weight."  And he's right, I did....but not because I lost weight, because he became MORE of an a$$hole!!!

You'll read on here and other boards how both men AND women blame wls for their suddenly blossoming!!  Yes, wls DOES cause you to (hopefully) look at yourself differently and appreciate your inner beauty and self-worth, but it DOESN'T cause you to lose all common sense, morals, ethics, etc.  I still maintain that you are the same person fundamentally AFTER wls as you were before.  It's what you choose to do with the newfound you that makes a difference.

Damn, I am SO prolific today!!!  LOL!!!!  I think all you can do is reinforce that you love your guys and tell them you're losing weight to be a healthier, happier you and so that you can be around MUCH longer to nag the hell ouf of them.......I mean, to spend more time with them!!!!

Tia

I think that at first he was supportive, and I kept to myself often  only having 3 friends that I'd go out with every couple of months all these years.

Then with the surgery - he was okay with that, and supportive too.

A few months later, I have lots of new friends, and a new outlook (and inlook) and I think he's probably being threatened by that. 

Maybe I'm reading too much into his question about whether these women are married too much....  I thought it was cute that he might have had a slight tinge of envy......hopefully that is all that it is.

Hrmmmm...how to answer?

My husband was supportive of WLS because that's what I felt I needed to do to become healthy and most of the meds that I was on...there are certain ones that I'm pretty sure I'll never give up!!
He didn't (and still doesn't) agree that I needed to have the surgery.  He met me heavy and he married me even heavier.  He does say that it's me he loves and he doesn't care what I look like.  As if that were all it was about...

He is the jealous type mostly because of his background of being cheated on...I had the same deal and would never do that to anyone.  I think, no I know, he looks for signs that he's seen in the past of possible cheating...as do I.  For instance, doing things without him or spending more time on the computer, are things that were signs in the past of cheating.  It couldn't be anything further from that in reality, with me anyways, but....

I guess the bottom line is that, as much in life is, this is a learning process for all of us...those of us who had WLS and those that love us. 

Well, this is  a very good topic that many can relate to!  I am married and have been since the dawn of time LOL- 37 years (the good old catholic girl here).  I got married at age 16 at as a chunky girl but a curvy one. Had 3 children who are now grown and am the mother of 4 grandchildren. My husband  is thin as the day I married him and through the married years I packed on 140 pounds and never lost it any of it really until recently.  He supports me in most everything I do and I usually get anything I want however, since I  have been losing weight and especially the last 4 months or so, he has become very distant, he thinks I looked better heavier and every once in awhile if I go to support groups or say I am doing something he thinks I am looking for another man.  But no matter what he says if I feel like doing something, I just do it.  Sometimes you have to hear alot of crap but at least you are true to yourself.  The bottom line is I think sometimes men who are married to heavy woman feel very safe, I know mine in his own mind thinks woman only want to lose weight to find someone new.  I stopped trying to explain I did this for me and my health, I just try to focus on me and what I need to do as I still have a serious health issue.  I recently decided to go into counseling because I see my situation with his feelings getting worse so I need to deal with it through a professional because I don't want to go crazy or more crazy I should say. Anyway my two cents and thanks for posting this thread!
Hugs
Terri

i am getting ready for surgery next week and my husband and I always talk about what will be.  i dont think me being thin or being checked out by other men will bother him and he tells me it wont whenever we talk about it. 

I think actually if your hubby is secure enough with himself he wont be afraid to let you shine.  My husband would support me through anything and he just wants me to be happy and to feel good.  That is what any man should want for his woman.  I think actually that my husband will probably diet and excercise with me so that in the end he looks and feels just as good as i do. 

WE WILL BE TO VERY VERY HOT PEOPLE!

I hope everything works out for you

Good luck on your upcoming surgery. Yes you are correct men who do feel differently are insecure.  I look forward to  hearing how your journey goes.

Hugs
Terri

I don't know I kind of think every man is different in how they feel. Personally Ive been with my husband since 1986 and we are in a very loving and committed marriage. He is going to be having the same surgery that I am, we are going through it together. He is having the surgery for the exact same reasons I am, to feel better and to feel younger and be healthier for us and for our kids. I think we will do well because he knows Im not going to try and find someone else, nor will he. I mean I guess I just think that each man has their own insecurities or not. Each one either feels threatened or not. Very good question. Im personally looking forward to a closer relationship with my husband as we both lose together.

Well, I can say that it may have done a job on my hubby that I have been married to for 35 years. I really did not even consider that the way he was acting had anything to do with my surgery but now I do. He did not want  me having the surgery. After I took him to that first support meeting he seem to accept it more. Over this last year he became very distant. I thought we were headed for a divorce but I still did not think it had anything to do with my surgery. He didn't talk about it much. Last month I had a long talk with him and asked what he wanted because I would not stay in a relationship with the way things were going. Well, things have changed dramatically since then and we are back to where we were pre surgery. I am not really sure how it all happened but I am more than happy now. We both love each other and it would have been very sad to let go of a wonderful marriage due to his not communicating.

I hope this wasn't too much information.   LOL