I Know, I know...

That this has been tossed around the board a lot, but I am wondering when is it appropriate to tell your coworkers that you've had WLS??  I am not ashamed of having surgery and I have been back to work about 2 weeks.  I initially, didn't want to tell because I didn't want the million questions and constant updates as to how much I've lost, so I have been saying that I've been seeing a nutritionist since February (which technically, I have).  These people are my friends as well and I hate that I have been, sort of, lying.  I was hoping that I would get further out and then be able to tell but its not looking too good.  I don't want to be seen as a liar about this, that's why Im concerned that I should tell sooner rather than later.  

What does everyone think?? I feel so guilty getting the compliments and then lying about how I am doing it.  Thanks for your input

C 

Hey Colleen -

The only right answer is, "Whenever you feel comfortable."  That's it in a nutshell.  You don't owe ANY explanations to ANYONE. 

I know you know!!!

But, since you clearly WANT to tell someone - why don't you tell your closest co-workers first and see how it's received?  Unless they are complete ignoramuses, I can't imagine them not being happy for you.  It's normal that they would have questions, but if you're going to be honest with them about what you had done, be honest if you don't want to entertain a bunch of questions.  Simply tell them, and if they comment after this, simply say, "Thank you!" and if they have questions that you feel comfortable answering, then do so, but if not, again, you don't HAVE to divulge anything!

Some comments that I found useful, "Thank you!," "Yes, I've worked really hard," "I'm a work in progress," "No, it's NOT the easy way out - it's just a tool and I still need to develop good habits and be diligent," and my all time fave (for those who can't grasp that it's NONE of their business) , "WHY on EARTH would you ask me something like that?"

Sorry, had to throw that snarky comment in there!!!  LOL!!

Don't worry about it - we completely understand how you're feeling.

Hugs,

Tia

IMO, if they are your friends, I would tell them sooner than later.  The speed at which you are losing in the beginning makes it rather obvious that something other than nutrition counseling is going on.

I didn't want to deal with the secrecy and drama behind it, so I told everyone before I went out.  With so many preop appts and tests, I thought it would be easier to just get it out in the open.

Good luck with your decision.  Hopefully you'll get some great advice from others who did not tell in advance.

I'm really battling the same dilema.  I have no immediate family to tell, but I do have two sister-n-laws.  One will be disappointed that I took "such a risk" and the other, well, the second I tell her she'll be at my doctor's door step seeing if she can get the surgery too and then be the consumate expert on the subject before I know what happened. I would prefer to do this on my own is what I mean, no contest, no pressure, just let me be.  But I know she's going to have her feelings hurt if I don't at least tell her as soon as its noticeable.  

I work in a very large building and people you don't even know you've heard have had "by pass".  My closest co-worker had LB a few months ago and she said she is sorry she told people.   I understand how you feel that people will consider it lying.  I've asked my husband, how can I sit at the Easter dinner table, eating 2-3 oz of food and no one not notice and ask me "are you alright"?  I'm not a good liar and would prefer not to...so I guess to be honest I'd have to say "I'm on a pretty strict diet" and be done with it LOL!!!  It's a dilema for sure.  I did find out a week ago that a dear friend of mine whom I would have not told, actually asked ME!!  "have you ever considered WLS".  I about fell down.  I was thrilled to tell her that in deed I had considered it and was just waiting for my surgery date.  (which I should have this week).   So, I may be less surprised than I think about how people are going to take news.  A lot of the reason I want to wait till after the fact is I don't do well with people fussing over me when I'm feeling like a truck ran over me, ie the hospital and the first week.  So that's my plan and I'm sticking to it if I can.

PS...to answer you question.  I wouldn't wait to long.  You don't want to be a Star Jones and have everybody know the truth and you're still denying!  Pick a nice opportunity and spill the beans.  Or if someone asks you outright, praise them for being the first to figure it out and if its anything like my building, the world will know by quittin' time!

Thanks for your responses.  There is truth in all the aspects you lady's brought up.  Tia, I did tell one of my closest friends about surgery and she's been my biggest supporter.  I have other girlfriends at work that I want to tell but like many, I've been the "fat friend" of the bunch and wonder how the news will sit with them (they've never said anything about my weight, its just my feelings).  Its not that I don't think they will be supportive, just have to wonder. 

Taya, you are so right in that its going to be very obvious that Im losing too fast and I don't want to be secretive and the drama will be immense (or am I just paranoid)  Oh well.

Mari, like your sisters in law, I actually have 3 sisters. I put off telling my parents and sisters until the last minute after being at a Sunday dinner and hearing that my mom and sis "cannot support that surgery" as they were talking about someone else having surgery.  I knew my news would go over like a ton of bricks.  Anyway, one sister actually had the nerve to ask me to postpone my surgery so that "she could research the bypass". WTF why do I need the family's approval to get my health on track.  Oh well.  As for the other 2 sisters, they don't even ask me how Im doing.  I guess just like I was always the "fat friend", before surgery, I was the "fat sister".  I actually think they worry that I might end up being the "skinny sister" after I've reached goal.  What is wrong with people??!!??  I just don't get it.  And, its funny, every time I feel like Im lying about having surgery, I think about the whole Starr Jones issue and so don' t want to be seen that way.  I guess I've reached the point where I just need to come clean with everyone. I'll take it slow, tell a few other people and Im sure they will pass it on quick enough to the rest of the office. heehee

Thanks for all your thoughts.
Colleen

Hey Colleen, I hope you are doing well! I have chosen not to tell anyone at work becasue my school is a bunch of gossipers. I am just too afraid of what people may say about me. I KNOW that there are other teachers that would look down upon me becasue of jealousy! (The ones that are fat but not fat enough for surgery!) If they want to suspect it they can go ahead and do that but I'm not coming out and telling the 90 faculty members what I did. It makes me scared to think that people will know. They know that I have stomach issues so I'm hopping I can continue lying and say that if I didn't change my life style, I would continue to have problems, even after the "stomach surgery" that I got! Everyone thinks I have stomach issues and thats why I went in for surgery. Is this bad that I'm lying? My entire immediate family knows and supports me 100%. Although I know my sister who is not fat by no means and not skinny mini is scared I'll be thinner than her.

But Colleen the fact that it seems like you are pretty close with some of your work friends, I would definitely tell them! I told my closet friends (not from work) while I was going through the process and they were so excited for me!. Although, some of my other friends will not be told!

Have a great night,
Lauren

Hey Lauren,

Doesn't life suck sometimes.  All we are trying to do is make ourselves and our health better and instead of concentrating on getting better, we have to worry what others are going to say.  Oh well.  I will begin telling as it comes up.  You have a good night too.

Colleen

Hi Colleen,
I think you will tell whomever you want to, whenever you feel comfortable.  You don't owe anyone explanations or need their approval to do what you have decided to after making an informed decision.  I found that as the surgery date got closer, I wanted to tell people.  I was just so happy about it.  Now that I've had the surgery I am glad that nobody has asked me how much weight I've lost.  If they do, i will only tell them if I want to.  Someone did ask me what my goal weight was, and I didn't tell them.  I just told them I had a lot of pounds to lose and was more focused on a healthy BMI.  Try not to be concerned with what other people think.  They should respect you for making your own mind up.  Even Starr Jones....I don't judge her as doing something wrong.  It was her personal business.  She told when she was ready to tell and not before.