Debate 4

My sister has been giving me the cold shoulder lately because she feels I am replacing her with my BF.  We, as she put it, used to do things on the weekend together and now we do not.  Yet, when I suggest we do something together she says no, and I think it is a defense mechanism.  So now she does not want to do anything with me.  I don't understand?  She says she is happy for me but subconsciously I don't think she is, and that is why she makes things difficult for me, basically gives me the Catholic guilt.  We do not talk like we used to, she is short in her answers and doesn't want to share with me anymore, it is almost like we are strangers.  When I go see my BF she says I am abandoning her and Lily (dog) and as hard as I try to talk to her...she does not engage.  I am not sure what to do.  I think she would have been content for me to stay 300lbs+ and have lived forever with her in our house.  Why is it that when we lose all this weight, we feel like we have done something wrong???

Jen, does your sister have a BF or SO in her life?  Sounds to me like she's doing exactly what you think she is.  You haven't done anything wrong, you are making your life and health better by making such a change.  Don't have any guilt about it and your sister will eventually realize what she's doing.

Jen,

My sister has been funny with me since I've lost weight too.  We used to speak daily, now it is maybe once a week and usually I am the one doing the calling.

My sister has always been thinner than I.  In the last 3-4 years she has probably gained 100 lbs and in the last 18 months I have lost 167 lbs.  So she has gone from being the skinny sister to the bigger sister. 

She often tells me that I am too thin.  And makes comments like, "well it must be nice..................."  She makes comments about the amount of money my husband makes, the clothing I wear, the grades our children get (which are excellent).  If I am wearing something new I hear things like "well, it must be nice.  How much did they cost?"  Now, my husband and I are FAR from wealthy.  We work hard for what we have.  My sister and her husband struggle.  A majority of that struggle is self induced though.   

My husband thinks that my sister is miserable with her life and she is now taking it out on those around her.  I wish she would remember when I was struggling with weight, being a single mom, lack of money, having a body that was failing me and just being full of worry.

She does not want to open up, and is short whenever we talk.  So, I don't really have an answer, but I know I feel like I have done something wrong even if I have not.

You hit the nail on the head.  She just needs to adjust to seeing her sister happy and having a full life.  Eventually she will see that this is better for both of you.  If she needs to branch out and get a bf or other friends this will allow her time to do so.