I so need this...

Have you ever been out somewhere and caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and been completely humiliated about what you look like?  I was at a work function last week at ESPN Zone. After eating, we all were given cards to go play games. If you've never been to ESPN Zone, all of the games are mostly sport or car/driving oriented.  I was afraid to even try most of the car games because what if I didn't fit in the seat?? It's really humiliating being the biggest person in the room. There was one bike riding game that I was watching a co-worker play and 2 people walked by and said "need exercise?". I couldn't tell if that was a crack at me, or if they were just commenting on the game. But that's the kind of thing you live through every day when you are an obese person. I felt horrible about myself the whole time I was there and for the rest of the day, into the night. Of course, this isn't the first time I've felt this way. I'm self-conscious just about every where I go. The only time I feel half "okay" is when my daughter is with me because I know people are looking at her, not me.

I know this surgery is about being physically healthier, but I'm thinking it will make me mentally healthier too. I want to like what I see in the mirror. I don't want to feel like people are judging me and staring at me and my fat all the time. When I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror at ESPN Zone, I just wanted to hide in the bathroom until the bus was ready to leave.

    This is a good place for you.  On this board you are not judged or critiqued and a lot of us have walked in your shoes.  Many of us have heard comments and seen the stares.  As you progress, you will find a difference in your perception of how others see you.  Good Luck in your journey, we are here to support you.
 

Lisa,
I feel this way especially when i see a photo of myself or my reflection in a store window.  I think i am in denial about what i actually look like in order to get through the day.  When I saw the photos just posted by Aaron just now, I was shocked at how large I looked.  It's really disturbing, but we are both doing somethign about it.  The self-consciousnes will definitely lessen after dropping the weight.  Confidence...well that's another issue altogether but that's why we get therapy to support us during the WLS journey.  I know my body image issues will need to be dealth with ...and how.  I have wanted to hide also.  I'm right there with you. 

Lisa I sooo totaly coulda written that word for word. I feel exactly the same way. I often have had people make comments and I think as overweight people we become so super sensitive about our weight that we have to wonder was that comment in reference to our weight, when I bet most of the times its probably not! But I too hate that feeling thinking OMGosh was that comment directed towards my weight?!? it is such a horrible feeling and your right it makes you just wanna run and hide.

I also like what Jennifer said its like I am in denial about how big I am really am just so I can make it through the day. That rings soooo true for me!

Lisa, I know exactly how you feel.  Before my surgery I was always thinking people were looking at me and talking about how fat I was.  I started this journey weighing in at 324lbs, I have lost 150lbs and sometimes when I am around a large group of people I think they are still looking at me and talking about me.  I especially feel that way when I go out to a restaurant, I still feel like everyone looks at my plate and thinks to themselves look at how much food the fat girl is eating, when actually I am not fat anymore or eating a lot.  It is a self confidence and self esteem problem. 

I wish you the best in your journey and always keep your head held high.  You are on the right track of being healthy again. 

Hi there, I've been reading alot on this site in the last couple of months to become more informed of WLS.  My BF in North Carolina had Gastric about ten days ago and has had a very difficult time with complications in the hospital (bleeding and severe pain) and I have gone to a couple of local seminars recently trying to decide if any WLS is right for me, and to also be informed to be a positive help for my friend too.  But the other night at a seminar for Lapband, I sat down in the back of the room and looked around and thought, wow....look at how big so many of these people are!  Only to realize that I was one of them!  And the pain I felt inside and the utter saddness and almost shock to my system as I drove home....was devastating. 4 years ago I was 120 pounds lighter.  I have had many health problems in the last couple of years and have had a few emotional issues to have to deal with that sent me right to the eating of junk etc. to numb those feelings.  But to realize that you are obese...is the greatest pain of all.  I tend to be a very bubbly upbeat person during the work day....always smiling, always happy....but when I am not having to be 'up' it hits me just how heavy I have gotten.  And I am really trying to find out if WLS is right for me.  When I stick with a program of eating right and exercising I do well....I have lost weight before many times in the last 10-15 years, but tend to always gain it back when I stop with the healthy habits.  The thing that really bothers me is that my insurance will pay for WLS but won't pay for my finding a good weight loss therapist that could really help me with my emotional eating.  And yes, I have seen such a huge difference in how I am treated....4 years ago I could go to drop off my car at the garage and have 5 guys eager to help me and take down my info.  Now I walk in and no one even notices me, or they see me and turn their gaze away, almost as if I am not even there.  I have had sales people in clothing stores completely walk past me....I was at an HOUR EYES one afternoon and watched all of the sales girls take everyone in the store first before they got to me.  I jus****ched to see how long they would get to me.....and it was almost and hour and a half!  For me, now....its all about health..and yes I wouldn't mind being a 'hottie' again :)  But I just wish I had that AH-HA moment that will let me know what I needed to do....I hope it was ok to post here, your posts have all be so inspiring...and God Bless you all!! Chloe

Hi Chloe,

I can totally understand what you are feeling right now.  I have walked in your shoes. 
I researched over 2 1/2 years before I even came to terms if weight loss surgery was for me.  the truth of the matter is that i was convinced that if I lost the weight onmy own and did great that I really didn't need the surgery.  I would gain back the weight and even more. I became diabetic and when that happen I decided I really needed to do something so that I can stay healthy for me and the sake of my children.

One thing I want to tell you that with "any" surgery that you may have there is always risks. If it is your time to go trust me you can be having the most simple surgery and things could go wrong and then you could be gone.  

I thought about that when i thought about having weight loss surgery.  I made a list of all the good and bad things. I decided that if all the good things would out weigh the bad things then i was going for it. 
 
Weight loss surgery in not the easy way out.  After the honeymoon phase is gone you will have to work with your tool. This is a life altering change for ever!

I had a major complication after surgery and the 1st month of having surgery I also questioned my decision. But remember this was a major surgery and trying to recover is sometimes really hard for some people. After 2 months out from having surgery i felt great and was glad that i had chosen to have the surgery. I am 17 months out and I am happy to report that i am doing great!  if I had to do this all over again, I would do it in a heartbeat.  You can read my profile from the beginning.  

My husband was dead set against having the surgery for himself and he decided to do it too to become healthy.  He just had surgery this past Tuesday and he is recovering nicely. Everybody does not go through complications.  I do know tht some people second guess their decision the first month out of surgery. But that is because it is a major change and you even mourn the loss of food for the meantime. You do get to eat again just smaller portions and healthier choices. 

Welcome to the Marylad forum!

Best of luck with your decision.
Keep us posted!

Dear Lisa,

I can totally relate what you are going through.  I always felt that way. I also hid from cameras i hated to take pictures and I wa my worst critic. 

Just know that it you are beautiful inside and out regardless and soon you will be a healthier you.

((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))