from my blog...
You're not alone, girl. When I fell in love with my ex-bf, I dropped about 30 pounds in two months totally by accident. 170 to 140. I thought he liked women who weren't tiny, but my body freaked out, and I started gaining, till I reached 180, 190, 200, now I'm around 230.
One several occassions he called me a beached whale. You would think that I would have the sense to dump him then and there, but our relationship was very stable, if not going anywhere emotionally. He never supported me in my efforts to get help for my eating disorder, because all he cared about were the results, and he couldn't see results. I was growing while he was standing still. But still, I didn't want to leave.
We made it nearly 7 years, and in retrospect, I'm not too proud of that, but that's life and we learn our lessons by making mistakes. There are some very good reasons for staying in a relationship and how they balance with what we really want and how we are treated has a lot to do with whether we choose to stay in them or not. A few people asked if I was really happy, and I answered more or less that things were okay - we never had arguments, because the anger and blame would always get dumped onto me and then we'd never talk abotu it later, because in his words,"you can't bring up the past."
Then one day in February of 2006 I went to a strange party with a heaven, hell and purgatory theme. Everything changed. I met someone, a guy, who was emotionally in touch. We never dated, but seeing that there were other guys out there that lightning years ahead of my bf changed my whole outlook. I feel badly that I broke up with him over the phone, but he was working in Califronia, and I was desperate to be out. Finally, it wasn't all the work I'd done on myself and struggling with my therapist over the relationship, but ironically, another guy that put me over the edge. But I would have gotten there on my own, I'm sure, I just needed a bit of a push.
I interacted with the world differently from then on, but breaking up was so hard, and it was still a three-year struggle until I've really become who I really want to be. I like the idea of being part of a couple again, but it's not a big deal to me any more. I just enjoy my life and will only settle for the best, which means emotionally evolved, man, when I do decide to date anyone.
Fact is, my ex would have criticized me for being too tall, or too short, or too blonde or whatever, it's just the kind of guy he is, because he is so insecure about his own life. Now I know. And there's no room anymore in my life for men that take out their own insecurities on me. I am fabulous, and no one can convince me otherwise.
So, that's my story of dealing with love and it's intricacies and struggling with an eating disorder and weight gain. I know you will come to the right decision when you need to. Meanwhile, we're all rooting for you, okay?
One several occassions he called me a beached whale. You would think that I would have the sense to dump him then and there, but our relationship was very stable, if not going anywhere emotionally. He never supported me in my efforts to get help for my eating disorder, because all he cared about were the results, and he couldn't see results. I was growing while he was standing still. But still, I didn't want to leave.
We made it nearly 7 years, and in retrospect, I'm not too proud of that, but that's life and we learn our lessons by making mistakes. There are some very good reasons for staying in a relationship and how they balance with what we really want and how we are treated has a lot to do with whether we choose to stay in them or not. A few people asked if I was really happy, and I answered more or less that things were okay - we never had arguments, because the anger and blame would always get dumped onto me and then we'd never talk abotu it later, because in his words,"you can't bring up the past."
Then one day in February of 2006 I went to a strange party with a heaven, hell and purgatory theme. Everything changed. I met someone, a guy, who was emotionally in touch. We never dated, but seeing that there were other guys out there that lightning years ahead of my bf changed my whole outlook. I feel badly that I broke up with him over the phone, but he was working in Califronia, and I was desperate to be out. Finally, it wasn't all the work I'd done on myself and struggling with my therapist over the relationship, but ironically, another guy that put me over the edge. But I would have gotten there on my own, I'm sure, I just needed a bit of a push.
I interacted with the world differently from then on, but breaking up was so hard, and it was still a three-year struggle until I've really become who I really want to be. I like the idea of being part of a couple again, but it's not a big deal to me any more. I just enjoy my life and will only settle for the best, which means emotionally evolved, man, when I do decide to date anyone.
Fact is, my ex would have criticized me for being too tall, or too short, or too blonde or whatever, it's just the kind of guy he is, because he is so insecure about his own life. Now I know. And there's no room anymore in my life for men that take out their own insecurities on me. I am fabulous, and no one can convince me otherwise.
So, that's my story of dealing with love and it's intricacies and struggling with an eating disorder and weight gain. I know you will come to the right decision when you need to. Meanwhile, we're all rooting for you, okay?
{{{Char}}}
I agree 100% with what everyone else has said so far. Many of us that are overweight already have self-esteem problems, having someone else in your life that is dragging you down even more does not help and makes it very difficult to feel even a tiny bit good about yourself. Ditch him...you don't need someone dragging you down. You are an awesome, beautiful woman. Although I don't think I ever actually posted on it, I was on your yahoo group you used to run, I know what you have inside of you. Tap into that and draw your strength from within and let it project out! You deserve happiness, everyone does. Making the decisions to achieve that may not be easy, but it is very liberating once you do. You have to get the negativity out of your life in order to heal what it has done. You have been doing a great job and are so motivated, don't let him drag you back 2 steps for every one that you move forward.
I've been where you are, more than once. You CAN change things and you CAN in time gain that self esteem back.
Call me if you need anything at all. I'll PM you my #.
Hugs
I agree 100% with what everyone else has said so far. Many of us that are overweight already have self-esteem problems, having someone else in your life that is dragging you down even more does not help and makes it very difficult to feel even a tiny bit good about yourself. Ditch him...you don't need someone dragging you down. You are an awesome, beautiful woman. Although I don't think I ever actually posted on it, I was on your yahoo group you used to run, I know what you have inside of you. Tap into that and draw your strength from within and let it project out! You deserve happiness, everyone does. Making the decisions to achieve that may not be easy, but it is very liberating once you do. You have to get the negativity out of your life in order to heal what it has done. You have been doing a great job and are so motivated, don't let him drag you back 2 steps for every one that you move forward.
I've been where you are, more than once. You CAN change things and you CAN in time gain that self esteem back.
Call me if you need anything at all. I'll PM you my #.
Hugs
Tina
All I I can say is thank you all so very much, I am extremely touched by the love and compassion you all have shown me....I became physically ill last night with the flu or something....spent most of the day alseep and woke up just a bit ago...I did drag myself to weigh****chers to check in, don't want to miss one of those meetings....and have to start over again! You all are so right, I DO deserve a person who treats me right....and I do feel better about myself today, somewhat....it helps so much to be able to come on here and feel the love you all have given me...and angie and kristen...I have 5 shovels here! LOL
Hey Char.. listen.. Even with the surgery.. if you dont feel good about yourself now.. you wont feel good about yourself then.. The surgery does not fix emotional damage caused by bad relationships..... Please.. dont fool yourself into thinking that this is gonna be the answer to lifes problems.... the first weight you need to lose is his ass......Its people like that that make weightloss impossible because of the stress and the emotional eating that is causes.... and with or without the sleeve .. if you dont address it now.. it will always be there.....and besides.. who wants a man that only supports you at a certain weight... he should love and support you no matter what size you are because as far as i am concerned you are the prize!!! And in the end it will be his lost.. Please keep in touch...
5 shovel's huh???? I will take one...Could use some good physical exercise today...hehehe....you will get through this, I know it doesn't seem like it now but you have great support here and WE ALL will make sure you do well. Was that him sitting in the car when I gave you the clothes at the St. Agnes meeting???? If he truly was there for you he would have been in the meeting with you as a couple. Sorry but have to speak my mind about that one. Next meeting I think I am going to make sure fiance and son make it with me. Hell, the first meeting I went to, the glen burnie one, my fiance came with me for support. He enjoyed it too..hadn't laughed that hard in quite a while. You have lots of phone numbers now and email addresses, use them girly. reach out to any of us to either get a good boot in the arse or get a good giggle. Keep the chin up and smile...
PS...love the smiley pic kristen....the little birdy got cheered up seeing that one too....
PS...love the smiley pic kristen....the little birdy got cheered up seeing that one too....
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