NEWSFLASH!!!!!
You know, this post inspired some random thoughts I would put here.
Society generally instills an undesirable feeling upon overweight people because it is "not the norm" and in this day and age and for all the ages past, if you're not normal, you are an outcast, despised, made fun of, etc. It's this hatred that really hits me hard and I try to compensate for the way i look by being as nice a person as I can be. Even if it means that everyone walks all over me. I have always felt that way.
From childhood bullies to the snobby high school girls, we are molded to hate ourselves because of the way we look. Pretty superficial don't you think? But what do we do but dwell on that and start thiking the worst about ourselves and leading us to have self-destructive behaviors. Those are hard HARD habits to break because it has been ingrained in us for a long time.
We finally take control of our lives and do something about it. We get healthier, we look better and it's still hard for us to look at ourselves in the mirror because we still have that instilled hatred for something that is no longer there. I know I do it. I was on the worst path to destruction through drugs and alcohol.
I sitll have issues with it but not nearly as bad as before. Right now, my focus is taking care of myself and everything else is seconday. I'm in "me" mode. That may sound selfish but do you think the 20-something size 2 girl would think any differently?
Society generally instills an undesirable feeling upon overweight people because it is "not the norm" and in this day and age and for all the ages past, if you're not normal, you are an outcast, despised, made fun of, etc. It's this hatred that really hits me hard and I try to compensate for the way i look by being as nice a person as I can be. Even if it means that everyone walks all over me. I have always felt that way.
From childhood bullies to the snobby high school girls, we are molded to hate ourselves because of the way we look. Pretty superficial don't you think? But what do we do but dwell on that and start thiking the worst about ourselves and leading us to have self-destructive behaviors. Those are hard HARD habits to break because it has been ingrained in us for a long time.
We finally take control of our lives and do something about it. We get healthier, we look better and it's still hard for us to look at ourselves in the mirror because we still have that instilled hatred for something that is no longer there. I know I do it. I was on the worst path to destruction through drugs and alcohol.
I sitll have issues with it but not nearly as bad as before. Right now, my focus is taking care of myself and everything else is seconday. I'm in "me" mode. That may sound selfish but do you think the 20-something size 2 girl would think any differently?
i was always chubby as a kid and majorly picked on. so i know exactly how you feel about it. i've been in alot of therapy and worked out alot of my anger but it took a long time. i still have anger but not as much. and being in me mode is the best mode to be in. the way i see it, you have to secure your own health before you can help others. you are doing so wonderfully too. i am proud of you. i know sometimes it doesn't feel like success, especially when you can get so depressed. but if you keep doing the best you can each day, whatever that is for that day, that is all you can do.
((((((((((((nicole)))))))))) As everyone else as said : We all feel like this at times.
I hate knowing my family watch everything I eat and tell me you know if you didn't
eat this or that you would still be losing . Or get this one : everyone knows I
am a total gym rat : If I go two days without going to the gym My Dad will make
comments like : you haven't exercised lately - God I swear sometimes they
drive me NUTS; I know its just beause they love me but sometimes I
come out and tell them BACK THE HELL OFF; You don't have a clue about
what I need to do ; Sometimes this board is the only place I feel understood
and appreciated for what and who I am. So don't feel alone ; we understand.
Darla
I hate knowing my family watch everything I eat and tell me you know if you didn't
eat this or that you would still be losing . Or get this one : everyone knows I
am a total gym rat : If I go two days without going to the gym My Dad will make
comments like : you haven't exercised lately - God I swear sometimes they
drive me NUTS; I know its just beause they love me but sometimes I
come out and tell them BACK THE HELL OFF; You don't have a clue about
what I need to do ; Sometimes this board is the only place I feel understood
and appreciated for what and who I am. So don't feel alone ; we understand.
Darla
sorry i thought i posted to you yesterday but my brain doesn't work. i know how you feel about people watching you. luckily my parents live in new jersey so i don't have to deal with it. my dad would be on me 24/7 if i was close by. my mom is actually just happy i'm not so big anymore. and i can't wait to see you again on friday. you always brighten up the room. love ya.
{{{{{{Nic}}}}}} I love this post. You are so brave!!! You're my S-hero 
. Thank you for expressing what ,I'm sure, many of us have felt at one time or another but haven't been able to articulate it. Have a good evening. Peace and Blessings, -Antoinette
. Thank you for expressing what ,I'm sure, many of us have felt at one time or another but haven't been able to articulate it. Have a good evening. Peace and Blessings, -Antoinette 
"You can always choose today to be braver than you were yesterday."
-Star Jones
(((((((Nicole)))))))))))))
You are wonderful and thank you for posting this.
I have not had much time with work and all to get on the posts but I really still need all of you. I usually don't say much in the posts because for some reason I have a hard time sharing my insecurities
and the way I feel this is new for me since Weight Loss surgery I was always an open book. Here is what I think is going on and how I feel.
I too am struggling with many of the same issues as you and everyone who posted in addtion ,I am fearful that depression is starting to set in.
I say this because I go around each day like a robot and a zombie
and feeling sorry for myself. My relationship with my husband is basically dead on my part and not sure about his part. 
I think he hates the fact that I had surgery. I am hard on myself I don't feel I am losing enough weight even though I really don't know how much I have lost as I have not got on a scale since July 27th. I am scared
to weigh myself due to my my WL expectations not being met. I thought that once I started losing weight more people would notice and they don't and I thought that I would love the way I began to look but I really don't. I also was a chubby child with some really sad childhood stories like many others.
I had two sisters who were both thin and one who was the beauty queen type- she wasn't prettier than me she was just thin so therefore she was precieved as beautiful compared to fat me. I was always told I had a pretty face HELLO what about the rest of me,!!! This backward comment only succeeded to reinforce the idea that without my face I was ugly!!! So you can imagine how I feel as I age!! Some days I get these fleeting thoughts that I want to pack up and move away to a calm serene warm all year round climate! I am not sure where my thoughts, feeling are going I just hope and pray that as I get healthier and lose weight things will fall into place.
You see I am one of those people who co-workers and others feel that I am so confident,e tc.... but I too have insecurities. Anyway thanks for listening I could go on an on. Hugs to all of you!! Hang in there we need to love 
and continue to support each other.
Hugs to all
Terri
You are wonderful and thank you for posting this.
I have not had much time with work and all to get on the posts but I really still need all of you. I usually don't say much in the posts because for some reason I have a hard time sharing my insecurities and the way I feel this is new for me since Weight Loss surgery I was always an open book. Here is what I think is going on and how I feel.I too am struggling with many of the same issues as you and everyone who posted in addtion ,I am fearful that depression is starting to set in.
I say this because I go around each day like a robot and a zombie and feeling sorry for myself. My relationship with my husband is basically dead on my part and not sure about his part. I think he hates the fact that I had surgery. I am hard on myself I don't feel I am losing enough weight even though I really don't know how much I have lost as I have not got on a scale since July 27th. I am scaredto weigh myself due to my my WL expectations not being met. I thought that once I started losing weight more people would notice and they don't and I thought that I would love the way I began to look but I really don't. I also was a chubby child with some really sad childhood stories like many others. I had two sisters who were both thin and one who was the beauty queen type- she wasn't prettier than me she was just thin so therefore she was precieved as beautiful compared to fat me. I was always told I had a pretty face HELLO what about the rest of me,!!! This backward comment only succeeded to reinforce the idea that without my face I was ugly!!! So you can imagine how I feel as I age!! Some days I get these fleeting thoughts that I want to pack up and move away to a calm serene warm all year round climate! I am not sure where my thoughts, feeling are going I just hope and pray that as I get healthier and lose weight things will fall into place. You see I am one of those people who co-workers and others feel that I am so confident,e tc.... but I too have insecurities. Anyway thanks for listening I could go on an on. Hugs to all of you!! Hang in there we need to love and continue to support each other. Hugs to all
Terri
Taking the Journey One Day at a Time!Terri 
hugs back at ya terri. we italians have alot of baggage don't we lol. it must be tough dealing w/ weight loss and your relationship with your husband. i am so sorry those are happening together but with our support, you are going to make it through. just know that we all are here for you whenever you need us. and you are getting healthier and you won't fail at wls. you are doing wonderfully.
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