NEWSFLASH!!!!!

I was hoping my subject line would draw you in. This post is in response to Lisa Z's recent rant about not being the ideal WLS patient. We put so much pressure on ourselves and others do it to. How much have you lost? Why are you eating that? Should you be eating that? Shouldn't you have lost more? Shouldn't you exercise today?

So what is my NEWSFLASH?

Well it is that I feel inadequate all day every day because I am not perfect. I do not eat right all the time and there are times i don't even try. I don't exercise as much as i should, though i do more than i did before surgery. I don't cook, clean or pay attention to all my bills as i should. i don't wake up or go to bed early enough. i watch too much tv and spend too much time on the internet. sometimes i am too lazy to get up out of bed to take my contacts out. on the weekends, sometimes i stay in bed half the day and don't take the dog out when i should. i don't clean my car and sometimes it looks like a car crashed inside my car. The front of my house has tons of weeds and there are many house projects that haven't been finished or even started. I drink too much now since the surgery. Before surgery, I drank maybe four times a year and that is a maybe. Now I drink at least once a week. I fight with my husband alot and feel physically ugly. My hair is stringy now, i have stretch marks and saggy skin. I am sure there is more wrong with me but i don't want to bore you.

Without consciously doing so, all those failings above weigh on me. And they keep the cycle of unhealthy behavior going. There are many people on this board who have personally met me so you know who I am. Is that what you see when you look at me, spend time with me? Apparently I and all of us are so much MORE than all those negatives. But all we see is what is wrong. Why can't we see what is right? And realize the right is so much more important.

I think that sometimes we just have to let our freak flag fly and say you know what, i am ok no matter what. even w/ all that is wrong, that is ok because it has to be. it is what it is. and until we become saints or angels, this is the life we will lead. we will always have something wrong. it may change day to day but that is going to be a truth that is always existing in our lives. so how do we find a way to be happy and at peace? Acceptance of what is. Acceptance is a conscious decision we have to make each minute of each day. When those negative feelings and thoughts come up, we have to say to it, hi i knew you would come visit. Would you like some tea?

Nicole:
I hope it wasn't me that brought all this up in you today.  But just so that you know, you are not alone.  Even the people that you think have it all together, probably don't.  Some people put up such a good front, but are messes inside.  (I consider myself being one of those people).  We do put pressure on ourselves of what we think that others expect from us and sometimes do expect from us.  But we are not perfect and cannot ever be perfect.  Nor will we ever live up to the unrealistic expectations that we set for ourselves. 
So just remember this no one is perfect.  Even the people who you think are perfect are not and they find flaws in themselves that we don't see.  Take one day at a time and one minute at a time if necessary and make the best decision that you can at that time.  Let's take a moment and focus on what we are not, instead of what we think we should be.  We deserve happiness and unless we let ourselves experience it, we will never have it.  Let's cut ourselves a break and worry only about 1 minute at a time.  Love you Nic, and hope you have a better day.  I'm going to try.  Let's hang on together!!!!

no you didn't do anything wrong. i have always felt the way i feel but i really want to change that. and i want you and all of us who feel that way to find a way to be at peace w/ who we are. i don't want to fight against myself anymore. it is what it is and some days are better than others. i don't want to keep waiting for my real life to begin. love you too sweetie hope you meet you soon.

Excellant and very honst post Nicole!  Having this surgery does not fix everything and surely not our heads.  I don't know about others but when I used to envison myself losing weight I surely was not left with what I had.  The skin ruined my body image I could only see the skin after losing all that weight, and I still have food addictions even though I can't eat very much that I have to fight every day and probably the rest of my life.  I am still the fat girl in a smaller body, Don't you just love that they call it the easy wAy out.

Stephanie

Thanks Steph. you have come a long way and there is no easy way out when it comes to physical and psychological addiction to food. i think i will always be addicted, even if one day i am able to stop excessively eating the wrong things.

Nicole,

I have always seen you as a brave, frank, outgoing person. You have a quick smile and are always so supportive. What you have raised here is something that I suspect comes up for a lot of us at different times. You have put out there something that I feel a lot. I too put a lot of pressure on myself to try and be perfect. I also try to please people, to be all things to all people. When I do not meet these goals, I feel horrible. The truth is that I am far from perfect. I also do not place these standards that I have for myself on other people. So why do I expect this from myself? I suspect, like you suggest, that this is all quite normal, although it does not feel like it. I am trying to learn not to beat myself up when I do something to dissappoint myself, to stay positive, and move forward. I too need to just accept some things. At the same time, I still want to improve on some other things. So I will continue to struggle with that. As someone recently told me, I have to learn to give myself "permission" to do things that are not perfect once in a while.

You are right that we need to focus on the positives. I have been realizing lately that I must be doing a lot of good things for myself mixed in with the "bad".  If I wasn't, I would be so much more off track than I actually am.

I thank you for your post. You have given me alot to reflect on. I admire you for your candor and your success! Yes, success! Even if you don't tell yourself this, I will be happy to. You have made a number of positive changes in your life that you have every right to be proud of.

thanks deb, you are definitely a success. and thanks for saying i am one too. i almost scoffed when i read that but realized that that was just my negative talking. we both are a success!

Nicole, you rock girl!!!!!  I have had many of those moments that you have talked about myself.  I still look in the mirror at times and see the fat person I was before.  I wind up taking a double take most of the times because I don't recognize the person I see in the mirror.  Reality sets in when I look at old photo's from before the surgery.  I don't exercise as much as I should, don't eat all that I should and yes, eat things I shouldn't.  But we all have flaws, no one is perfect and this is not an easy process that we are going through.  You have a great support group here in all of us that you can always rely on whether its us telling you how great you are doing or if you need the little boot in the arse (which I need quite often...lol).  You are doing great, and you are successful.  As one of Kristen's post said, "don't sweat the small stuff".  I keep reminding myself of that daily.  And if today isn't a good day for me, there is always tomorrow that I can start new.  I think what you said speaks for a lot of us.  Thank you and keep up the good work!!!!!  You are doing great!!!!

Thanks terri, sounds like you are doing great too. the surgery does wonderful things for us. i know it has for me. my worst now is my best before surgery. can't beat that!

(((((Nic)))))) I didn't see you at the GBMC support group last night. Oh, you weren't there? But, this was the exact subject!  How could you know?

Because we all do it to ourselves, and of course others pile on the pressure too. You put into words how so many of us feel every day.

Nobody but US, our surgeons and those we choose to "let in" need any answers about how we are doing, what we are eating, what we have lost, etc.

You've done so great. You inspire me every time you talk, even if you aren't inspiring yourself at the moment. Keeping it real is what our journeys are all about. Taking the good moments along with the bad, and making it all work in the long run.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and helping me know I'm not alone in mine.