I'm a wreck and I need to Rant

Thanks Kristen!

i am so sorry. what you wrote at the end sounded so much like me i started to cry. crying because i realize how much we hurt ourselves. we are good people who aren't perfect. we eat stuff we shouldn't, we exercise sometimes but not as much as we think we should so we feel bad about ourselves 24/7. we never live up to whatever expectation we have for ourselves. we are unable to accept who we really are. i just want you to know i accept you, even though you eat the wrong things and don't exercise enough. and you do deserve your blue bike. go and get it. let your step son keep the piece of crap he bought. you don't need to accept less because you feel less. you are not less, you are more.

Thanks Nicole:
I'm going to go get a pink one, just so no one else will want to ride it.  And then I'm going to chain it up.  I think if I had this WLS to do all over again, I would have NEVER told anyone at work, just so that I wouldn't have to be put under a microscope everyday. It's bad enought that I do that for myself, but to have others examining you everyday is just too much.

Lisa - I am so there with you on your troubles.  What you wrote about is what I worry about everyday while I'm beginning this process.  I think reading what you wrote confirmed everything I've thought in that I WILL NOT tell the people at work, only my truest friend, that I'm having the surgery.  We don't need to be put under a microscope at what we do.

My thoughts are with you and I hope you make it through this.  HUGS to you!!!

I am sorry for all that you have been going through and the extra pressures you have been feeling trying to be so many things to so many people when you are simply trying to do the best you can for yourself. That is a challenge that we all face. I have been struggling with this a lot lately too. You have a lot to be proud of. Hang in there! The weekend is almost here. Hopefully you will get a chance to give yourself some "ME" (meaning you) time!

Christy:
While on one hand it's nice to have people who care enough to ask about it, it can be completely nerve wracking!!!!  I want to know that people are telling me the truth, that they can actually tell I'm loosing weight.  Not just tell me that they can tell, because they know I've had the surgery and they think that's what I want to hear.  (That sounds so much like I have totally lost it.)  This thing is so much more about our heads than about our stomachs.

Lisa, I'm sorry that you're going through such an emotional time right now....so many thoughts going through your head right now....it's got to be tough.

But you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for.  You've gotten yourself to this point in your life where you ARE successful, despite your perception that you're not doing as well as you should be.  Put that though aside and focus on all the good that you've done in your life, the happiness that you've brought to other people, and the joy that you bring to your family.  The other issues you mention are mere distractions that can be overcome with time and patience.

Girl....you ARE a success. 

Thanks for the reply!!!!  I'm really not a patient person.  I need results (LOL).

 Lisa, 
     A number of things occurred to me  as i read ur post:

1)  I am ssoo glad that ur getting a new bike for urself.  U deserve it and the other one was taken from u...not just once, but twice.

2)  Let ur  co-workers know that THERE IS NO NEED for them to be concerned with the amount of weight u r losing.  Tell them, in a gracious manner, that while u r pleased that they care about ur health, u R following ur doctor's guidelines and working with a nutritionist to make sure all goes well.  U will give them news as the situation progresses and keep them 'in the loop".  Then smile and say, 'thank u".

3)  Am not sure how long u've been married and whether or not u have done this before, but if not:  
      Sit down with ur husband when things r quiet and have a conversation with him.  Explain to him that u feel undermined by his response to ur thoughts, wishes and feelings vis-a-vis ur interactions with ur step-son.  Ask him to "help u" be a "better parent" to ur (his) son by backing u and showing a united front when dealing with the children.  

4)  Last thought:  Look at the Eleanor Roosevelt quote at the end of this post.
                                                                                                                                          Susan

P. S. 
     I am not sending hugs.  Enough hugs have been sent ur way for which, i am sure, u r grateful and pleased.  Instead, i send u my respect (love Aretha Frankin's song.)
     

Susan:
Thanks so much for you post. It is truely appreciated.  I live by that saying most times and teach my grandchildren that only they can make themselves feel bad or inferior.  I have lived through a lot of really terrible relationships, including an abusive step-father,  who never made me feel like I was adequate because of my weight.  I am worth so much more. 

My husband and I have been together for 20 years and his son is not a child.  There is no doubt that his son is number 1 in his life.  I'm sure if I ever had the opportunity to have children they would be my number ones also.  I don't fault him for this, but it makes it difficult when I actually stand up for myself.  I guess this is something new that I haven't done in the past. 

Thanks for the advice!!!