I'm a wreck and I need to Rant
Okay, I've got to let this go. So I figured this would be the best place for it. Sorry for those of you that have to hear my rant this morning.
I've had a rough week and just need to vent.
On Tuesday, my mother tries to clean up coffee from her carpet and sprays Tilex on it to clean it up. We now have tie dyed carpet (UUUUGGHHHH).
I bought myself a bike a few weeks ago. It was a blue beach cruiser and riding it made me feel like a little kid again. Although I didn't ride every day, I have ridden it a few times. My step-son has gotten more use out of it than me, because once I brought it home, he felt that it was okay for him to take it over. I get a call from my husband yesterday asking if I took my bike to work. NO. It's been stolen. It was left outside and someone stole it. Fast forward to yesterday evening. My husband tells me that my step-son replaced my bike. So I get home and no bike - step son on it riding somewhere (this is his means of transportation at this time). (He has his own bike but claims something is wrong with it). So finally he gets home. Not the same bike I bought. It's a boy's bike, red, mine was a beach cruiser, womens', blue. I go off. I don't buy much for myself, but when I do, I have always treated it as if it was the last one I'll ever have. I take care of my things. Husband can't understand why I'm so mad - "I'm a BIT..H." I don't say any more about it, but I feel cheated and undermined, like my opinion doesn't matter.
Then this morning I come to work. Everyday the first person I see always says, so how much have you lost now? Does she know how I struggle every day, every minute about what, if anything, I should be putting in my mouth. Then about 20 minutes ago. I get a call from another supervisor here at work and she asks, what are you doing at 9:30, do you have a meeting. No. Then she says that another employee wants to come over to talk to me. I know what this means, someone else wants to question me on WLS. I feel totally out of control. I don't feel like I am by any means the person that they should be asking for inspiration. I don't feel like I have been a total success at this WLS thing. I struggle so much and even fail at keeping my promises to myself at loosing weight and going to exercise and making good food choices.
I'm a wreck!!!! and no one can see it. I have spent my whole life trying to cover up for being fat. I have put on many facades and have tried so hard to be perfect at so many things to make up for me being fat. I was the "smart" sister and my sister was the "pretty" one. I was only the smart one, because that's what I needed to be to be noticed. So my life followed, making sure that I was the best at everything that I do. I never wanted to fail at anything, because that just made me feel more inadequate that I was as a fat girl. I need a day away!!!
I've had a rough week and just need to vent.
On Tuesday, my mother tries to clean up coffee from her carpet and sprays Tilex on it to clean it up. We now have tie dyed carpet (UUUUGGHHHH).
I bought myself a bike a few weeks ago. It was a blue beach cruiser and riding it made me feel like a little kid again. Although I didn't ride every day, I have ridden it a few times. My step-son has gotten more use out of it than me, because once I brought it home, he felt that it was okay for him to take it over. I get a call from my husband yesterday asking if I took my bike to work. NO. It's been stolen. It was left outside and someone stole it. Fast forward to yesterday evening. My husband tells me that my step-son replaced my bike. So I get home and no bike - step son on it riding somewhere (this is his means of transportation at this time). (He has his own bike but claims something is wrong with it). So finally he gets home. Not the same bike I bought. It's a boy's bike, red, mine was a beach cruiser, womens', blue. I go off. I don't buy much for myself, but when I do, I have always treated it as if it was the last one I'll ever have. I take care of my things. Husband can't understand why I'm so mad - "I'm a BIT..H." I don't say any more about it, but I feel cheated and undermined, like my opinion doesn't matter.
Then this morning I come to work. Everyday the first person I see always says, so how much have you lost now? Does she know how I struggle every day, every minute about what, if anything, I should be putting in my mouth. Then about 20 minutes ago. I get a call from another supervisor here at work and she asks, what are you doing at 9:30, do you have a meeting. No. Then she says that another employee wants to come over to talk to me. I know what this means, someone else wants to question me on WLS. I feel totally out of control. I don't feel like I am by any means the person that they should be asking for inspiration. I don't feel like I have been a total success at this WLS thing. I struggle so much and even fail at keeping my promises to myself at loosing weight and going to exercise and making good food choices.
I'm a wreck!!!! and no one can see it. I have spent my whole life trying to cover up for being fat. I have put on many facades and have tried so hard to be perfect at so many things to make up for me being fat. I was the "smart" sister and my sister was the "pretty" one. I was only the smart one, because that's what I needed to be to be noticed. So my life followed, making sure that I was the best at everything that I do. I never wanted to fail at anything, because that just made me feel more inadequate that I was as a fat girl. I need a day away!!!
Lisa Z.
When we believe, all things are possible!
((((( Lisa )))))
Comparison is the thief of joy!
If we spend our time comparing our life/weight loss/body to others, we totally miss what WE have accomplished. Keep in mind how far you have come and what you can do now that you couldn't do weeks/months/years ago. I hate the expression " It's all good", but in this case it fits! Wherever you are in your journey ... It's ALL good!!!
Lisa:
First, take a DEEEEEEEPPPPPP breath!
Okay, now, come here....{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}
Now, do you feel any better? if not CALL ME!!!! That's what I'm here for you silly goose!!!!!
You are a strong woman... Lord knows you've listened to me and my problems......Quit being so hard on yourself...But, I know that we are always hard on ourselves.... we are never good enough to deserve happiness,; we are never good enough to deserve to be loved; we are never good enough to have something nice for ourselves.
But, ya know what... WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH! We are good enough to be easy on ourselves. We are good enough to have happiness in our lives. We are damned good enough to be loved. And we ARE good enough to have nice things.
{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}
Deb
First, take a DEEEEEEEPPPPPP breath!
Okay, now, come here....{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}
Now, do you feel any better? if not CALL ME!!!! That's what I'm here for you silly goose!!!!!
You are a strong woman... Lord knows you've listened to me and my problems......Quit being so hard on yourself...But, I know that we are always hard on ourselves.... we are never good enough to deserve happiness,; we are never good enough to deserve to be loved; we are never good enough to have something nice for ourselves.
But, ya know what... WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH! We are good enough to be easy on ourselves. We are good enough to have happiness in our lives. We are damned good enough to be loved. And we ARE good enough to have nice things.
{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}
Deb
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