The Debate is Back

Should relationships be all or nothing???  And what are the signs of your partner trying to be controlling.

Example:  If you use your Credit Card I will leave or if you don't have your debt down in 2 years I am leaving. Or if you don't tell me what medication you are on, I am leaving etc.....

All for me and as far as controlling goes I won't have it, we discuss everything we trust each other's judgement and have a great respect for each other and being married our debt belongs to both of us and we are partners in everything.  Works for me!!!

Stephanie

Hey Jen!

I think we have to define the relationship here. People that are dedicated to making it work wouldn't have such absolutes in their relationship. They would have only resolutes to help each other work things out. In a perfect world that would be the way to do it I think.

Ultimatums don't work on me. Ultimatums will just make me leave faster. There are more tactful ways of finding things out and getting what you want out of the relationship without it turning into a big blow out fight.

Debt is a serious issue with a lot of people. Many are actually embarassed by how much debt they have. Heck I'm way over my head in it but I'm handling it pretty well.

If you truly want a companion in this life, both parties have to bend at least a little.

Very interesting topic.  In my case, I'm coming out of a 10 year relationship with someone that I was married to for 4 of those years.  We obviously created debt together that I have now brought into my relationship with my current girlfriend.  She understands that and accepts that.  We both, however, understand that that is MY debt.  Not fair to make her responsible for what I didn't take care of prior to hooking up with her.

Now that we live together, we have come up with a financial plan.  Since the mortgage is hers and if, for some reason (I sure hope not) things didn't work out between us, she were to sell the house, any equity built up would obviously go to her.  I shouldn't be entitled to it.  At the same time, I know I can't live for free, so I pay ALL utilities, plus better than 50 % of the food bill (I eat much more than her, anyway). 

As far as being controlled, believe it or not, I actually enjoy being controlled.  Or should I say, I need to be controlled.  You see, I have an addictive behavior that can sometimes be out of control.  I'm horrible with money and not very good at remembering things.  The better half, as well as many others I've come in contact with, believe I have adult ADHD.  So, for me, being a little p..sy whipped is a good thing.

If my husband said to me "don't use your credit card or I'm leaving", then I'd tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out!!  BUT, if he said we need to work on our credit situation, get it paid down, etc., then I wouldn't have a problem. 

Well sounds as if the i am leaving is like they are looking for a reason to leave, it its not worked out togeather example instead of him or her saying if credit card used try saying , it would be great if you try not to use your card for various reasons and if you need help aske me im there for you. and about meds Honey I worry about you please let me in on what meds your taking and explain them to me so i can understand. its got to be togeather controling is a good way to end a relationship, i know i have been there.

No one should be putting these demands on you or anyone.  I just finished reading, "He's just not into you."  Great book.  If this is the case - He's just not into you.  He's already left.  Let him go!

Karen you have a picture up...LOL!

Are you laughing at me?  See I can do it.  I'm not as technically challenged as everyone wants to believe.  btw - Welcome home. Hope you had a wonderful time in Disney.

OK this is such a no-brainer...all the above are controlling and very bad signs.  If this is anyone here, get out now while you still can!  Ultimatums do not fit in with unconditional love.  WTF this sounds eerily like my ex.