Tina (In Pasadena)
Hi Tina
I hope your feeling better today. (((Hugs))) I just got this in my inbox from my psych so I wanted to share with you and others who may be going through what you are right now. Hope it can be helpful in some way. ~Jilly~
It's just a couple weeks before your surgery and you know you're in the home stretch. However, your anxiety level is climbing a little higher. Is it because you are about to undergo major surgery? Of course it is! But for many, it is much more: the reality is starting to sink in that soon you will no longer be able to eat the foods you have come to love and cherish like a best friend.
Imagine being told your dearest, closest love could no longer give you hugs, comfort you after a bad day at work, or help you celebrate wonderful life achievements. Take your time and really picture this. Do you get a feeling of upset in your stomach? A tear in your eye? Tension or even quivering in your body? Feels a little like panic, doesn't it?
Your connection to food is no less impactful. It has been your best friend and source of comfort for so long that the thought of changing your life and no longer living this way is absolutely frightening. To treat this loss after bariatric surgery as any less serious than the loss of a best friend is to deny the struggle you are about to face.
"So what am I supposed to do?" you ask.
Well, like most grieving processes, recovery starts with accepting this new reality. A number of you may secretly be telling yourselves, "I know I can't eat the way I want now, but I can indulge my old favorites once the weight comes off." Guess what, that's how the weight got on in the first place. Most people who are overweight have tried to diet countless times, and many have succeeded temporarily to lose weight. But afterwards, when the guard is lowered, the food just seems to jump right back in their mouths like crusaders storming a castle. After bariatric surgery, you won't physically be able to do that anymore, which is why the surgery is so appealing to so many patients.
But it's tough to accept that the foods you're used to eating (and for some the drinks you're used to drinking as well) are off limits, possibly for a lifetime. For most, the cravings seem to go away almost immediately, but for many the cravings and desire to eat those old favorites resurface over time. Don't beat yourself up over it if you find the craving hits you like a freight train. Yours is a psychological addiction, as well as, for some, a truly physiological addiction no different than drugs or alcohol.
What you can do is start to notice when you have a craving or desire for food. Take a second to detect your body's reaction to this craving. Be like a scientist observing a phenomenon: Is your stomach growling? Is your mouth dry? Are you getting feelings of dizziness, nausea, or like you're going to faint? Are your legs jittery, hands wringing, shoulders tightening? Observe all these and any other signals your body sends, and then how they go away after time. The remarkable thing is they will! Nobody ever is stuck in a state of perpetual craving (unless they have a true medical disorder).
Now you have proven to yourself that cravings will pass. So what? You're saying it was terrible, right? Yes, it was not pleasant. But the reason your anxiety is so aroused is probably because you're telling yourself, "I can't stand it!" News flash! You just did stand it. When you spend a great deal of time saying to yourself how awful something is, you begin to actually believe it. Funny thing how our thoughts dictate our emotional, physical, and behavioral reactions. You can change your experience by telling yourself every time you feel that craving coming on, "This isn't going to be fun, but I can stand it and it will go away." As time passes, you will find that the cravings become less intense and less frequent. They may even go away completely.
But noticing the craving and thinking rationally about it are just the start. You need some new tools to manage those times when the craving and desire for food may be too great to just say "no." Make a list of all the things you like to do that make you happy besides food - something I call distractivities. It may be painting, playing music, taking a walk, gardening, watching TV, or reading a book. For others it may be talking to a friend, writing an e-mail, or receiving a massage from a loved one. It may be helpful to write down your list so you don't have to struggle with the craving while wracking your brain for a distraction. It's also important to keep your distractivities out and at the ready for immediate use. You don't want to have to hunt for your walking shoes while the ice cream says sweet nothings into your subconscious.
It's important to realize that cravings and desires don't just pop out of nowhere. You've come to associate food with celebrations and hardships alike. For celebrations, it's easier to avoid eating by using rational thinking and preparing ahead of time. But when times are tough, there are three basic destructive reactions that you may recognize in yourself. The first is to "stuff it down." By this I mean you deny, ignore, and suppress your emotional reaction. The second is to take out your grievance on other people, starting fights, ignoring others who are important to you, or blaming them. The third method is to medicate your feelings. This can be done with any number of things from eating and drinking to drugs, sex, shopping, etc. Most people will blend all three of these into a grand dysfunctional concoction. The only way out of this cycle is to do the one thing that is really needed - deal with the issue head on! Define the problem, examine how it affects your life negatively, and create a list of strategies to manage this problem. Then decide which solutions best fit your resources at that moment.
This is incredibly scary to do, but gets easier with practice. In addition, not all situations have solutions. Sometimes you just have to take what life dishes out and accept things as they are, just like accepting that your relationship with food has to change.
And if you find that you are stuck and need help with managing stress, relationships, career, etc., it may signal that it is a good time to seek out professional help. In the meantime, I wish you luck learning to dine on life after bariatric surgery.
Contact Information
Andrew Walen,LGSW
Phone: 443-602-6515 Join our mailing list!
~Jilly~ I didn't mean to say anything offensive. I think it was a nice thought to share it and I promise not to attack any future posts like these. Yes on first read, I thought he was referring to giving up all food but hopefully he meant the overeating part. That's all I meant when I replied that it seemed slanted. The rest of what he said about developing other coping skills is very important and I should have looked past the other part and just got the overall message. Hugs
I actually think this is very helpful. While you don't give up food all together. You do give up a lot of it. No longer are there meals. You know the ones with the meat, veggies and starch. A meal is now about 3 bites of something. Who wants to make a full meal for 3 bites of something. While we may not be "addicted" many of us (including myself) suffer from separation anxiety. Food has always been there and has always tasted so good. No longer can I get all the enjoyment that I used to get out of it. Bread, for me is no longer in my group of foods. I still think about warm fresh bread with butter, but when I have had it after surgery my pouch has not received it well. So, it is on my no, no list. To be truthful, I don't need it. I cried and said, why did I do this after surgery. I had lost a true friend, food. But stick with it and we will all get through. Thanks for posting as I'm sure that it will help many.
Lisa Z.
When we believe, all things are possible!
Im not addicted to food but I know I have turned to it for comfort like when my son passed and it is a hard habit to break. But I can see his views. But food can be a friend for MANY of us.
Thanks again for the kind words!!!
~Jilly~ 
