Lessons of a Loser (kind of long)
Over the past few weeks I have been reminded of a time in my life I had kind of forgotten about and it got me thinking about how I felt and what I went through. In a sense it kind of breaks my heart to see post-op's who are about a year out going through this and not understanding why or when it ends or how to deal with it....so this is my 2 cents...
From what I remember the one year mark after WLS is signifigant in so many ways both good and bad. At one year out you can suddenly get thrust into a major identity crisis and you are sitting there OMGing all over the place....feeling kind of lost, alone and scared at the same time. You have shed the majority of your weight and when you look in the mirror you don't even recognize the person in front of you. You have lost friends who you had had sometimes for a lifetime, sometimes romantic relationships break up becuase one or both cannot deal with all the changes that happen from WLS, suddenly the comments that people make about your weightloss don't seem all that friendly and mabye a little bit rude or down-right mean. I have been asked by 'newbies' when this ends. Honestly, it doesn't but it does get easier. This I promise. No, I am not saying that everyone goes through all or any of this but it does happen to some. No, these are not all my own personal experiences...just some of them and others that have been talked to me about. At a year out our mind is just beginning to catch up with our body and the way it looks BUT at the same time it is still not 100% there and we still see FAT. That's where it can turn a little dangerous and we can trade an overeating addiction for an obsession of needing to be thin. Please be careful with that one. I've seen it happen and yes, I touched on it myself but because of my awsome support system it didn't get out of control and I actually gained back the 10 pounds I had lost. Now I'm actually HAPPY where I am and only obsess a little about loose skin instead of losing more weight. I flux 5-10 pounds and I'm happy with that. FINALLY! LOL
I just want people to be aware that it's OK to go through all this stuff, it's going to happen in any case that a major change happens in your life. Whether it's WLS, a job change, a move to another state or county, it doesn't matter....change happens and things happen. One thing that I do know at almost two years out...I am a much stronger person both inside and out. I refuse to be the 'happy fat girl who's everyone's buddy and never speaks her mind' instead I am a happy healthy woman who is confident in her ability to speak her mind and not let people take advantage of her good nature. Unfortunatly, there are friendships I have lost because I 'came into my own' and yes, that hurts but it is all part of the WLS process. It has it's ups and downs and I have said this before and will say it again....no matter what I have no regrets about my WLS and I never will.
I have surrounded myself with good people and good support systems. I cannot stress enough just how important support groups are. Everyone finds support in different places and that's good. Just be sure you have that support so that when the time comes that you are feeling a little lost you have the right people and places to go to instead of the wrong people or places. WLS is a life-long journey. It is a constent struggle more-so in our heads than physically when it comes to food. Just know that you are not alone, there is always someone who has gone through or is going through what you are feeling and there is always someone you can talk to if you need to. Remember, there is a reason we were fat to begin with and we have to figure out why food was such a comfort. Once we peel that away we are left naked and having to deal with the real root of our issues....that is scary in itsself but it's OK and totally normal.
Like I said, this was just my 2 cents...and something that I wanted to share. Take care and sorry it's so long!
From what I remember the one year mark after WLS is signifigant in so many ways both good and bad. At one year out you can suddenly get thrust into a major identity crisis and you are sitting there OMGing all over the place....feeling kind of lost, alone and scared at the same time. You have shed the majority of your weight and when you look in the mirror you don't even recognize the person in front of you. You have lost friends who you had had sometimes for a lifetime, sometimes romantic relationships break up becuase one or both cannot deal with all the changes that happen from WLS, suddenly the comments that people make about your weightloss don't seem all that friendly and mabye a little bit rude or down-right mean. I have been asked by 'newbies' when this ends. Honestly, it doesn't but it does get easier. This I promise. No, I am not saying that everyone goes through all or any of this but it does happen to some. No, these are not all my own personal experiences...just some of them and others that have been talked to me about. At a year out our mind is just beginning to catch up with our body and the way it looks BUT at the same time it is still not 100% there and we still see FAT. That's where it can turn a little dangerous and we can trade an overeating addiction for an obsession of needing to be thin. Please be careful with that one. I've seen it happen and yes, I touched on it myself but because of my awsome support system it didn't get out of control and I actually gained back the 10 pounds I had lost. Now I'm actually HAPPY where I am and only obsess a little about loose skin instead of losing more weight. I flux 5-10 pounds and I'm happy with that. FINALLY! LOL
I just want people to be aware that it's OK to go through all this stuff, it's going to happen in any case that a major change happens in your life. Whether it's WLS, a job change, a move to another state or county, it doesn't matter....change happens and things happen. One thing that I do know at almost two years out...I am a much stronger person both inside and out. I refuse to be the 'happy fat girl who's everyone's buddy and never speaks her mind' instead I am a happy healthy woman who is confident in her ability to speak her mind and not let people take advantage of her good nature. Unfortunatly, there are friendships I have lost because I 'came into my own' and yes, that hurts but it is all part of the WLS process. It has it's ups and downs and I have said this before and will say it again....no matter what I have no regrets about my WLS and I never will.
I have surrounded myself with good people and good support systems. I cannot stress enough just how important support groups are. Everyone finds support in different places and that's good. Just be sure you have that support so that when the time comes that you are feeling a little lost you have the right people and places to go to instead of the wrong people or places. WLS is a life-long journey. It is a constent struggle more-so in our heads than physically when it comes to food. Just know that you are not alone, there is always someone who has gone through or is going through what you are feeling and there is always someone you can talk to if you need to. Remember, there is a reason we were fat to begin with and we have to figure out why food was such a comfort. Once we peel that away we are left naked and having to deal with the real root of our issues....that is scary in itsself but it's OK and totally normal.
Like I said, this was just my 2 cents...and something that I wanted to share. Take care and sorry it's so long!
AWW Thanks Terri! :-) I'm ALWAYS up for coffee and chat!!! LOL So, anytime you are free we can do just that!!! Would love to meet you too!!!
I'm just speaking from personal experiences and those that others have shared with me. I in no way regret my WLS and yes, would do it all over again. It is a life-long process, that's for sure!!!
I'm just speaking from personal experiences and those that others have shared with me. I in no way regret my WLS and yes, would do it all over again. It is a life-long process, that's for sure!!!
Ok I am breathing now and have thought about this today. Here is my .02!
Heather thanks for the post.
I am one of these people trying to "find herself". I am not afraid to say it either. This has been a rough road. WLS is not to be taken light from any direction. I was told about the emotional issues and the identity issues before surgery but why listen, I WANT THIS SURGERY! My thought, I would deal with all of this later and I AM!
I have one thing that a lot of over weight people do not have, Self Esteem. I was the funny fat girl. I was a mom and wife. I come from a very large family and I did everything. I am second in line to 9 kids. I am the doer and the fixer. I was a gourmet cook, as soon as you walk in the door you were feed, weather you liked it or not. Its an Italian thing!
NOW! I still have great self esteem, I still have great worth for myself, I am still the funny girl just smaller, I have issues with my family now. There are 3 others in my family that have had WLS but I have lost the most, I feel bad about that. I have also realized I have me back and a healthy me. I am not the only one who notices me now. I am still Gabriella's mother but I am no longer a wife. I can not do everything anymore cause I am putting me first at times. I can't fix everyone anymore, that is a killer for me. I do not cook but MAYBE once a week, I miss it but just can't do it. With all that being said I am second guessing everything I have just told you, EVEN my self esteem. I never saw a fat person in the mirror when I was big and now I SEE A FAT PERSON!
It is out there, all this emotions and craziness that you feel, it is real BUT I think there is light at the end of the tunnel. I think as soon as I find me and find my purpose I will be back on track. I wish everyone all the luck in the world with this. Therapy helps and also shows me that I am not a wack job. I am a fabulous person, I am just looking to find her again.
I have hit a lot of bumps in the road with my WLS BUT I WOULD DO THIS AGAIN IN A SECOND AND NEVER THINK TWICE!
This is a good READ!
Who Is In That Mirror?
Identity Crisis Following Weight Loss Surgery
By Barbara Thompson
“Do you ever not recognize yourself?” “Yes”, I admitted. “It’s creepy, isn’t it?” This was a recent conversation I had with Barry who had just lost over 100 pounds following weight loss surgery. “I feel wonderful, I feel great, but sometimes I don’t know who I am,” he told me.
This is a common problem for people who have lost a significant amount of weight in a short period of time. “Watch what you wish for” is advice that some weight loss surgery patients wish they had heeded because everything may not hum along smoothly after the pounds begin to disappear. Life after bariatric surgery often brings enormous emotional challenges as patients are adjusting to their rapidly changing form. If not dealt with, the resulting distress can cause some patients to sabotage their weight loss.
Patients who have a significant weight problem spend much of their lives thinking, “If only I were thin, then I could …” They fill in the blank with whatever will fix what is wrong in their lives, from getting a better job to having a happier marriage. The sad truth is that thin people also have unsatisfying jobs and bad marriages. “If I were thinner, my husband would love me more.” Not only is this not likely to happen, but losing a significant amount of weight often puts additional stress on the marriage.
After losing over 100 pounds and not necessarily finding their happiness at the other end of the scale, patients can be left feeling confused, anxious, depressed and wishing they had never started this journey in the first place. They feel cheated out of attaining the elusive happiness that was supposed to be theirs once they were of normal weight.
Some patients will lose weight and then panic as they go below what may be a comfortable weight for them. Without realizing it, they might have used their size to make them feel either safe by keeping people away, or stronger and more powerful through their sheer size. Now that they are thinner they feel vulnerable and weak. As they lose weight they may have a frightening feeling of being empty.
Unrealistic expectations about what their bodies will look like when they become thinner may pose additional problems. Whether the cause is real or perceived, patients may be very unhappy with their bodies after losing weight. Some patients may feel that they have traded one prison for another. After their weight loss, many morbidly obese patients have a significant problem with hanging skin, which causes additional physical and emotional problems. They may not feel that the surgery was worth it because their bodies did not live up to the image that they created in their minds.
Patients may not have a sense of their changing body mass as they experience rapid weight loss. This can be very disturbing. After I lost 100 pounds, I was still walking sideways through a turnstile. I continued to have a fear of being publicly humiliated by not being able to make it through. It took a degree of courage the first time I walked straight through a turnstile with a crowd of people behind me! I also found myself being startled when I would catch a glimpse of myself as I walked past a plate glass window. I would often wonder who that person was who was following me! I just was not yet accustomed to my new form, even if it was new and improved. It still startled me.
Body image disturbance, a condition in which people incorrectly estimate their size, is a very common problem. Patients often over-estimate their size and feel that regardless of how much weight they lose, they still consider themselves fat. Neither the scale nor their clothing size will convince them that they look good. They may remain dissatisfied and disappointed.
So how do people deal with the loss of all of this weight?
Have realistic life expectations following surgery. Thin people have problems too.
They should sketch what they perceive their current body size to be and compare the drawings with a friend’s appraisal of what they look like. Do they seem to have an accurate sense of reality?
They should discuss how they feel about their current body image. They should seek counseling if they are at all unhappy.
Dealing with any underlying psychological issues will help to ensure success. It will also increase the likelihood of continued success for the rest of their lives.
Barbara Thompson is a speaker and the author of the book “Weight Loss Surgery: Finding the Thin Person Hiding Inside You.” She was a patient herself having lost 125 pounds following weight loss surgery. She hosts a popular and informative website http://www.wlscenter.com.
Heather thanks for the post.
I am one of these people trying to "find herself". I am not afraid to say it either. This has been a rough road. WLS is not to be taken light from any direction. I was told about the emotional issues and the identity issues before surgery but why listen, I WANT THIS SURGERY! My thought, I would deal with all of this later and I AM!
I have one thing that a lot of over weight people do not have, Self Esteem. I was the funny fat girl. I was a mom and wife. I come from a very large family and I did everything. I am second in line to 9 kids. I am the doer and the fixer. I was a gourmet cook, as soon as you walk in the door you were feed, weather you liked it or not. Its an Italian thing!
NOW! I still have great self esteem, I still have great worth for myself, I am still the funny girl just smaller, I have issues with my family now. There are 3 others in my family that have had WLS but I have lost the most, I feel bad about that. I have also realized I have me back and a healthy me. I am not the only one who notices me now. I am still Gabriella's mother but I am no longer a wife. I can not do everything anymore cause I am putting me first at times. I can't fix everyone anymore, that is a killer for me. I do not cook but MAYBE once a week, I miss it but just can't do it. With all that being said I am second guessing everything I have just told you, EVEN my self esteem. I never saw a fat person in the mirror when I was big and now I SEE A FAT PERSON!
It is out there, all this emotions and craziness that you feel, it is real BUT I think there is light at the end of the tunnel. I think as soon as I find me and find my purpose I will be back on track. I wish everyone all the luck in the world with this. Therapy helps and also shows me that I am not a wack job. I am a fabulous person, I am just looking to find her again.
I have hit a lot of bumps in the road with my WLS BUT I WOULD DO THIS AGAIN IN A SECOND AND NEVER THINK TWICE!
This is a good READ!
Who Is In That Mirror?
Identity Crisis Following Weight Loss Surgery
By Barbara Thompson
“Do you ever not recognize yourself?” “Yes”, I admitted. “It’s creepy, isn’t it?” This was a recent conversation I had with Barry who had just lost over 100 pounds following weight loss surgery. “I feel wonderful, I feel great, but sometimes I don’t know who I am,” he told me.
This is a common problem for people who have lost a significant amount of weight in a short period of time. “Watch what you wish for” is advice that some weight loss surgery patients wish they had heeded because everything may not hum along smoothly after the pounds begin to disappear. Life after bariatric surgery often brings enormous emotional challenges as patients are adjusting to their rapidly changing form. If not dealt with, the resulting distress can cause some patients to sabotage their weight loss.
Patients who have a significant weight problem spend much of their lives thinking, “If only I were thin, then I could …” They fill in the blank with whatever will fix what is wrong in their lives, from getting a better job to having a happier marriage. The sad truth is that thin people also have unsatisfying jobs and bad marriages. “If I were thinner, my husband would love me more.” Not only is this not likely to happen, but losing a significant amount of weight often puts additional stress on the marriage.
After losing over 100 pounds and not necessarily finding their happiness at the other end of the scale, patients can be left feeling confused, anxious, depressed and wishing they had never started this journey in the first place. They feel cheated out of attaining the elusive happiness that was supposed to be theirs once they were of normal weight.
Some patients will lose weight and then panic as they go below what may be a comfortable weight for them. Without realizing it, they might have used their size to make them feel either safe by keeping people away, or stronger and more powerful through their sheer size. Now that they are thinner they feel vulnerable and weak. As they lose weight they may have a frightening feeling of being empty.
Unrealistic expectations about what their bodies will look like when they become thinner may pose additional problems. Whether the cause is real or perceived, patients may be very unhappy with their bodies after losing weight. Some patients may feel that they have traded one prison for another. After their weight loss, many morbidly obese patients have a significant problem with hanging skin, which causes additional physical and emotional problems. They may not feel that the surgery was worth it because their bodies did not live up to the image that they created in their minds.
Patients may not have a sense of their changing body mass as they experience rapid weight loss. This can be very disturbing. After I lost 100 pounds, I was still walking sideways through a turnstile. I continued to have a fear of being publicly humiliated by not being able to make it through. It took a degree of courage the first time I walked straight through a turnstile with a crowd of people behind me! I also found myself being startled when I would catch a glimpse of myself as I walked past a plate glass window. I would often wonder who that person was who was following me! I just was not yet accustomed to my new form, even if it was new and improved. It still startled me.
Body image disturbance, a condition in which people incorrectly estimate their size, is a very common problem. Patients often over-estimate their size and feel that regardless of how much weight they lose, they still consider themselves fat. Neither the scale nor their clothing size will convince them that they look good. They may remain dissatisfied and disappointed.
So how do people deal with the loss of all of this weight?
Have realistic life expectations following surgery. Thin people have problems too.
They should sketch what they perceive their current body size to be and compare the drawings with a friend’s appraisal of what they look like. Do they seem to have an accurate sense of reality?
They should discuss how they feel about their current body image. They should seek counseling if they are at all unhappy.
Dealing with any underlying psychological issues will help to ensure success. It will also increase the likelihood of continued success for the rest of their lives.
Barbara Thompson is a speaker and the author of the book “Weight Loss Surgery: Finding the Thin Person Hiding Inside You.” She was a patient herself having lost 125 pounds following weight loss surgery. She hosts a popular and informative website http://www.wlscenter.com.
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