Mini Debate

Okay, I've got one for the day.

Do you tell your friend if you know that their spouse is cheating?

oh WOW that's a hard one! And actually this happened to me before where I was friends with all parties involved!!!! Talk about a hard situation!

Well it turned out that my best friend and his partner was receiving my friend that was flying down from Canada. Well while my best friend was at work, his partner and my friend from Canada ended up doing it. Well things between my best friend and his partner were already strained and they were on the verge of breaking up. When they broke up, that was when he asked me and I told him. Sure he was pissed off but the thing was, the relationship was already over so it really didn't bust up their relationship.

I think if it happens repeatedly then I would definitely have to say something because especially in my world, you have to have trust and who knows if they are playing safely or not!

This is indeed a hard one. There are many variables to take into consideration here. I do think I would wind up saying something. I would tread very cautiously though. I think it depends on how close a friend you are. How receptive will the person be to hearing the information from you? How do you know this is true? The way the information is delivered. It needs to come from a caring place. You could bring up the topic in general for discussion first. Ask them if they knew such a thing, would they tell a friend and/or would they want a friend to tell them their concerns. Stick to the facts. Give them the space or the support, whichever they ask from you after you deliver the information.

I have never been in this situation. So, this is what I think hypotehically.

Debbie

Aaron:  I so agree with you.  This one can be a double edged sword.  I would feel an obligation to my friend, but then you know "pillow talk."  Sometimes couples can get through these things and then you might be the bad one.

Well I think I really lucked out in my situation......however if the state of the relationship is not so stellar, I may put a nail in that coffin.

At least they were aware that something was wrong in the relationship and weren't totally oblivious like some people are.

for me it depends on the state of mind of the person being cheated on. if they are emotionally stable i would tell them but if they are not, i might just tell them that i dont' like their boyfriend/girlfriend and just push them toward ending it with that person.

Nic:
That's very diplomatic.  That way you don't have to give specifics and if they end up staying together, you won't be the one that they blame for going through a bump in their relationship.

This is very interesting.  This actually happened to me many years ago when I was married just 7 years.  I trusted my husband more than anyone trusted anybody.   I sensed something was wrong because he was buying back then mens bikini underwear and going out smelling like he was wearing a whole bottle of cologne. Of course now pre setting to this I was only 24 and I was married at age 16 and I was a very innocent 16.  On a saturday morning I was talking to one of my friends whose husband was a very close and confident friend of my husbands. I told her that my husband did not come home all night and this was the first time he ever did that she said- well now that this has happened I can tell you I saw him with the other woman but my husband swore me to secrecy. I was very happy she told me because she just confirmed what I was thinking and I was relieved and was able to confront him.  If she had of not told me I would have always wondered.  If I were in that situation I would have to look at  it carefully before saying something.  If you wondering the good catholic girl that I am, I am still married to the three time cheater and should have left him years ago.  I stayed for numerous reasons like everybody else- kids, financial, catholic beliefs, self esteem issues etc.,  Now it is taking a toll on me.  Sorry for the rambling- Can you say Soap Opera "AS TERRI'S WORLD TURNS". lol
 

Terri:
First off, your new photo looks great. 
OMG, what we do for love, kids, and everything else.  I did the same thing with an ex, but I'm sure he cheated more than 3 times.  That's why I know in the relationship that I have now, it will not be tolerated.  You deserve SOOOOOOOO much more!!!  I know we are working on us and it's about time.  Make the best of every day and every minute from here on in.
We love you!!!