NEED YOUR OPINION

Hey Andy - first and foremost, no, you did not overreact at all!  Divorce sucks. Single parent homes have tons of challenges.  That is why, in my opinion, it is up to the divorcing parents to keep the children's interests as number ONE in the grand scheme of things.  That being said, I think a ton of "divorce preparation" is really important.  Not sure if you saw my post the other week about my situation, but in a nutshell, I am divorced and have 2 kids. In Aug of 2004 I confronted my ex on some stuff that I knew had been going on for  a LONG time (the majority of our 11 year marriage, but I waited until I was financially secure to end the marriage). The FIRST thing we did when the FACT that divorce was going to happen was decided, was sit down at the computer and started typing out a separation agreement - we spent days looking at options for a 50/50 split of time/custody, child related trips/expenses, holiday schedules, birthday parties, hell, down to who would pay for school pictures which years.  Our children didn't see any of this.  I am very fortunate in my career, and get to travel some. I knew that travel was a work requirement for me, so we have a clause in our agreement about the other parent keeping kids if one of us travels for work.   We covered every last detail - INCLUDING a clause that neither of us can move away with the kids before they are 18 (i.e. able to make their own decisions). That has prevented any horrible "surprises" like you had this morning. 

All of that being said, once your stomach becomes un-knotted, maybe you and your soon-to-be-ex could sit down and work out some of these details, keeping your son's interest first.  I have been divorced for 3 years now, separated 4, and honestly, our kids have adjusted beautifully, my ex and I have a very amicable relationship and speak almost daily as needed when the kids need something or have something going on. 

You can tell by your avatar, by your childrens' gleeming smiles, that they love you.  That should bring you great joy.

I'm glad that a workable arrangement could be worked out between you and your soon-to-be-ex.  It's great that you could communicate to her the importance of your son being somewhat near to you, and it's great that she took your opinion into consideration in to her final decision.  It's nice to hear that parents can work out solutions that is best for the CHILDREN, instead of their own personal interests.

Good luck to you, Andy.


Tracey