NEED YOUR OPINION

This morning was almost the worst one of my life.  I got off the phone with my soon to be ex wife and she hit me with an absolute bombshell.  She lives in Pennsylvania, where I came from, about 1 hour and 15 minutes away from here.  It's a far enough drive as it is, especially since the love of my life - my 8 year old son Corey - lives  with her.  So, while talking to my ex this morning, she informs me that she has a tough decision to make.  Her company has offered her a raise to relocate to North Carolina.  Not only would she be making more money, but the cost of living is much lower there.  To say the least, I flipped out.  How could she even THINK of moving 8 hours away.  I'd get to see my son maybe twice a year.  It would literally kill me.  I mean I'd miss so much.  Watching him grow up, coaching his little league team, getting to see his face on a regular basis.  It was too much for me to fathom.  I lost it.  I cried for probably 10 minutes.  After a solid hour on the phone with her, she decided she would turn the offer down.  To say the least, I was relieved.  My stomach is still in knots, though.

So, my question to you is this.  Could you possibly up and move 8 hours away if you were in the same position?  Could you take your young child that far from his father, knowing he'd miss out on a majority of his childhood?   Did I overreact?  You won't hurt my feelings, I'm just curious if I was wrong for going off the deepend.

WOW Andy! What a blow to you! I can't imagine what was going through your head at the time as I'll likely never be in that situation. I can tell you this though, my dad and I were never close and he regrets it to this day but as for me, I don't regret it at all. he's still my dad and I love him no matter what happens....even if he was gone from me for years on end. I knew he loved me and I loved him.

I couldn't imagine not living with my father, much less not in the same house. then being 8 hours away would make it horrible for me. you and your ex should just focus on your son and what would be best for him. i think it's natural to get upset about not being able to see your son. so i don't think you overreacted. but if they had to move, i would just move w/ them. i know you just moved lol. does your girl live w/ you?

That's the other issue that I failed to mention Nicole.  My daughter lives in Allentown, PA, which is about 2 hours from Elkton.  Her mother and I were never really together.  We met at a karaoke bar about 10 years ago (my daughter is 9), had a fling and she became pregnant.  I never had physical custody where she lived with me, always an every other weekend thing.  I've never missed a child support payment in 9 years and I've been there as much as possible for her.  I love her every bit as much as my son, it's just that my son and I have a special bond.  Maybe its because I have always had him with me until my seperation from his mom.  To have a son live 8 hours away and my daughter 2 hours away would almost make me feel like a part-time father.  It would crush me and make maintaining a close relationship with my children very tough.  Luckily, my son's mom has decided to stay put.  It would've been tough.  REAL TOUGH!!!

there's your problem, karaoke bars. stay AWAY from those.  Glad things are going to work out. Hopefully she won't change her mind!

Andy -

Oh, I'm so sorry you had to go through this!!!  No, I don't think you overreacted in the slightest.  Personally, and forgive me for being frank, I think it's incredibly selfish of your ex to think about this.  Clearly, your children have enough to deal with the divorce and you having moved to Maryland; I can't really see adding to their distress.

I have a friend who went through this, and finally, he and his ex had to both agree that they would not relocate more than an hour or two away until their children were 18.

Of course you're upset, you have every right to be.

Forgive me for being nosy - does Katelyn live with you if Corey lives with her?  I know you said you're unemployed right now - I guess, if push came to shove, you could always relocate to NC, too.

Kudos to you for being such a wonderful, kindhearted Dad and man.

Hugs,

Tia

I have to agree with Tia:  I would not in this situation consider moving so far away from the
childs father:  its just not right:  But as Tia said if you are unemployeed right now and the job offer is so good for  your ex would you consider moving to NC? 

OK...then I'm going to play devil's advocate here. She had the opportunity to get further in her company if she moved, make more money and move somewhere where the cost of living is cheaper. Right now you are not employed and even though it did cost to move to MD the possiblity of you being able to move to NC to be close to your child is doable because you don't have a job right now. I'm not saying who is wrong and who is right, I'm just throwing both sides out there and looking it from an outsider's point of view. Maybe you did overreact but at the same time no you didn't because you love your son and the thought of being 8 hours from him would really be awful. That I understand. So, because of you she decided to not take the raise and stay in PA. I would have to say that is pretty selfless of her to stay in PA so that you can see your child on a regular basis. No, I do not have children so I cannot say that I am any kind of authority in any way....you are just asking for honest opinions and this is mine. I may catch a lot of flack for what I am writing but that's OK, I've got my big girl panties on, I can take it. Opinions are like ******** everyone has one.

Hey Heather,
I don't think you should catch a lot of flack for this opinion.  There is actually nothing wrong with what you said.  In fact, it does make a lot of sense in that I am currently looking for a new job and if I were to ever up and leave and start all over, this would be the ideal time.  There are several problems with this however, the biggest of which is my daughter Katelyn.  By me moving to North Carolina, I would now be 8 hours from her.  It would kind of be hypocritical on my part.  How could I justify being pissed that my son's mother would think about moving him 8 hours from me, but it be okay for me to move 8 hours from my daughter?  Besides, I don't know a soul in North Carolina, I wouldn't even know where to begin.  And, before you even ask, NO!!!  There is NO shot at me working things out with my soon to be ex wife!!!  I am very happy where I am at now.  Hell, I'm just getting used to being a Marylander.  The one thing I do disagree with you on, however, is that my ex is being selfless by deciding to stay up here.  Keep in mind, my son has his entire family here.  His grandparents on both sides, all his cousins, aunts, uncles, friends......and his dad.  I understand she'd have a chance to make more money, but there is so much more to this world than money.  She isn't exactly suffering financially anyway.  Hell, she lives with her parents, doesn't have a ton of bills and I pay child support.  Just the way I'm looking at this whole situation.  Thanks for listening.

AHHH I see, said the blind man! Thanks for understanding that it is just my point of view and of course the more info you give the more sides are seen, make sense? I respect anyone who is a parent and I know it's tough no matter how close or how far a person lives from their child(ren) I know this move had to be tough on you and on your kids as well. One thing I have learned is that everything happens for a reason...sometimes we don't know the reason at the time but eventually all is reveiled. Nah, didn't get the impression that you wanted to work things out with the ex....or you would have stayed in PA. That would have been a first indicator. So all in all I am glad she decided to stay and thanks for more info. I hope that your stomach isn't in knots anymore.....hell go take a 5 mile run!!! You know as well as I do that exercise is a great stress-reliever!!!