GREAT DEBATE #3
I am sorry, but there would be no second chances at all on this. It is about respect. If our relationship is diminishing, have enough respect for me and for our children to end one relationship before begininng another. It would definately be hit the road jack.
On a side note to this, when DH and I got married, my DH was a virgin. One of the things that came up in marriage conseling was my concern that he would want to see what other people were like, so to speak.
Well about a month ago, my hubby told me that he had regularly been having sex and a very intimate relationship with a new woman, I almost died. He then walked me to the bathroom and told me to look in the mirror, he said, isn't she the most beautiful woman in the world.
After I stoped crying from sheer panic, I appreciated his comment, however, I told him I almost slugged him.
Dianne
I have been cheated on and lemme just say I couldn't get past it. Was always there in my mind that he had been with someone else......and the relationship was ruined. In hindsight it was a good thing for me or I could be stuck with a really bad person but at the time it was devastating to me and I still have some trust issues because of it.
Good Morning all..I am new here but feel the need to add my 2 cents. I don't share well, and don't trust easily..I also can't "let things go" as easily as others. I am honest and expect honesty in return. I also gave my word to my DH and all who attended the ceremony that we would remain as one.
This is also my second marriage. I don't like the stress of living a lie. I become physically ill.
If your relationship is broken and you know in your heart that you have tried to fix it regardless of what your SO is doing then why allow it to limp through life? Put the relationship out of it's misery. Move on.
Lee
You can forgive without staying with them. And cheating comes in many forms.
Since Aaron poured his life story out here a while back, I'll take his queue- here goes:
I got married in 1993 and about 6 months in realized something was very wrong with our relationship. My ex found the internet and used it to replace me very quickly. I stayed in the marriage through 2 children, trough maxing out in excess of 350#, lost 108 on weigh****chers and gained the strength to confront my ex regarding his internet activities. I knew eventually I would confront and end it, and waited until I was financially secure enough to make it on my own, buy him out of the house fair and square, and manage retirement, savings, and college funds. Unfortunately, I lost all of that weight, got "strong" and confronted the fact that he had spent 10 of our 11 years of marriage having his sex life with a towl and gay porn whenever I wasn't around. Within 2 months of pulling him out and working on divorce plans, my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died 9 weeks later. And I ate. And ate. And ate. 90+ pounds back on, and that started my surgery quest.
Now back to the debate - did he cheat? Despite the fact that it wasn't "live", yes he cheated - he went elsewhere while I went without. Did I stay with him - no. Do I forgive him - absolutely. He grew up in a fundamentalist Christian family - one that programmed him through childhood that if you were gay (or drank a beer,for that matter) you would go to Hell. So he did what he was raised to believe was the right thing to do. Only, it wasn't fair to me, or himself. And in hindsight, he suffered so severely through, in so many ways. So forgive and move on can mean a lot of things - moving on with or without the person - it depends on the situation. In my case, moving on without him as a spouse, but with him as a 50/50 custodial parent and one of my best friends...that worked for me.
On the double standard thing - never. I stayed in a marriage for a long time with no affection or love life - and I did not cheat. I kept things in the right order. I confronted it, I took the actions to end the marriage, then I started dating. Being in my mid 30's and having years of no sex life to make up for, I kind of pitty the poor guys that I end up dating though LOL I need me a 20 something that can keep up with me!! :)
My ex husband told me on our first anniversary that he had been cheating because he "felt guilty". Bull S***!!!!! He just knew he was going to get caught...Did I forgive, NO. Did I forget, NO. Did I stay with him, unfortunately, yes. I think back now and know I should have left him right then and there, but stayed because of our daughter. I know he had his "internet flings". I would go to bed and I would wake up during the night to hear him downstairs talking to some chic on the computer. I never trusted him again. Once a cheater, always a cheater...though there are those few out there that are willing to fix their relationship they are in and work things out. Men and women both. Will I stand for it now, HELL NO!!! If bf now ever, ever cheated it will be over in a flash. But I know deep down he never would, he's a one woman man and I am the woman...woooo hooooo...
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