GREAT DEBATE #3

Good morning! So Jen's Great Debate #2 made me think (scary).  What about infidelity?  Would you be able to forgive your spouse or S.O. if he/she cheated?  Would YOU expect to be forgiven?  Is there a double standard? Discuss!!! Thanks, Jen, for making me think - sorry I jumped on your bandwagon!! Tia

Jump on the bandwagon any time this is a hard one, as much as I would want to forgive, I dunno...so many questions would jump in my head why did you feel you needed to go outside the relationship?  Can I trully trust him again.... I think it would always be in the back of my mind!!!  I think before anyone entertains the idea of cheating i really think you need to either try and fix what is broken or end the relationship..just my 2 cents

many relationships are built on trust.  Trust first then love and companionship.  Trust is a building block if you will.  If that trust is shaken, it's going to take a long time before that trust is built back if it ever comes back.  People go into marriage on the assumption that the two parties will be true to each other for the rest of their lives.  If that is what you're expecting in your marriage then that's what you should get out of it.  Infidelity in either party is a nail in the coffin.  I mean if someone cheats on you, what makes you think it's not going to happen again?  Now I do have a fairly unique point of view.  A marriage certificate is pretty much a contract between you and your spouse.  In my mind, infidelity is a breach of contract.  Now I am of the mindset that if I were to be in a monogamous relationship, it only takes one time that the other person cheats on me and they are gone.  Yeah I'm that serious about my committments.

Ahh..now infidelity is a whole other situation.  There are many who won't agree, but to me there is a huge difference between cheating and having an open relationship.  Cheating is a total trust buster for me. The most important factor in a relationship is trust, once that is gone..what is left?  I wouldn't expect to be forgiven nor would I forgive.  Trust is earned in any situtaion and once it has been violated, it is extremely difficult to gain back.  Tina

Through the years I have changed my mind about this subject.  I guess you learn from your experiences.  When I was younger, I would say, definately forgive and move on.  Don't harbor those feelings or it will tear apart the relationship.  So in my first long term relationship I did just that, over and over and over and over again.  This gets pretty tiring.  When do you get to the point of why am I still here?  I know I did the right thing and got out after 9 years. In the relationship with my husband I have a no tolerance policy.  I'm not going to let myself be put through that again. I think cheating is when we are trying to make ourselves feel better about ourselves.  I can do that now all by myself!!!! (Okay guys, don't take this one the wrong way.) I do tell him he can have another woman as long as she's old and got plenty of money and he's bringing it home to me.(LOL)

You know the other day, I made a post in my livejournal and I think it was the most self affirming post.  I posted that I have finally found the person of my dreams and that I couldn't believe that they were right here with me and then I posted a picture of myself.  It's nice to be able to feel that way about yourself again after many years of self-destructive behaviors.  So when you say that you can make yourself feel better....I say YOU GO GIRL!!!!

Thanks Aaron.   It's really attractive to have someone else shower you with compliments, but do we ever truly know that they are telling the truth?  Especially in the beginning.  I think it's important to share yourself emotionally with other people, that's how we all gain lifelong friends.  I hope that you become this to me:  lifelong friend.  You are a exceptional person!!!! Love ya!

Lisa, I think we know that you and I are kindred spirits :)  You do have a lifelong friend here :) *'NET LOVIN* Aaron

I wish you could teach me how to add a photo to a post.  I'm usually not too bad at it, but on this board, I dunno.

In my ball game 1 strike and you are out!   Once the trust is broken there is no way you can ever rebuild that trust completely because it will always be in the back of your mind. I couldn't live with that.