Need to Vent and a Sympathetic Ear

Ok, this may have dawned on people months ago, but I am now coming to this realization,   Although, I love the fact that I had WLS, and would never change my decision, I have come to find out that it solved my medical issues and created head issues....for instance, when I was 300 pounds, never hoped to date, get married and so on...now that I am 135lbs lighter I do, and find dating difficult.  Why do guys say they like you, meet them and then they change their behavior, from going from 3-5 emails a day to once a day?  I have a feeling it will go to every other day to nada.  You know I am 33 and do not have time to play the mind games.  I dunno, i think I was emotionally healthier when I was obese, now I am medically healier and an emotional basketcase.  Does it ever even out?????  LOL  I dunno people, I am just tired of being alone, and yes, I am feeling sorry for myself, that is why I latch on to Tia's 3 things...cause my life could be so much worse, could be in IOWA and have my house flooded, or be my cousin in Afghanastan and be in harms way.  I know I should be so happy, I lost 135lbs, but I want the whole package, darn it!   Thanks for letting me vent.  can anyone tell me how to upload the avatar???  everytime, i try it says the picture is too big

Jen This is the part that you hear about but none of us listen cause we just want to get WLS so bad, we think we will deal with it later.  I agree with the whole emotional thing, you are alive again and there are things you want to do now.  I came to the realization back in April that I need more therapy and it is working.  I am able to focus a little more, I am not sure I can save my marriage or that I really want to but these are all things everyone is dealing with.  Maybe on a different level but we are all there and if not we will be there.  That is why I post "Thoughts of the day", it is something to reflect on.  We all can learn from each other.  No one told me this was going to be easy but I am here now and would still never go back.  RNY was the best thing I did for me! I am sorry but I share your NUTS! Hugs Kristen

Thanks Kristen.....Maybe I should go back to therapy.  I just thought I was fixed, u know.  I like living a lot better but it is a bit frustrating at times.....

Hi Jen, I am sorry you are frustrated.  One suggestion that I can give you is to let him find you.  When you are not busy loking an you least expect it you will find that special someone.   You deserve the very best so never settle for less.   I wish you all the best and I hope you meet your soul mate soon. ((((hugs)))))

Thanks Cira, I am just impatient!!! Hope everything is well in your world, how is the baby?

Hey Jen - You and I have discussed this many times, both on this forum and others, and unfortunately, there's no easy answer.  Obviously, you have LOTS of company. I, too, am tired of being alone, but after talking with a great therapist, I realized that I'm also tired of settling.  Settling for the emotional abuser (the one thing I'd NEVER accept is PHYSICAL abuse - I'd beat his ass to a pulp!), the alcoholic, the neglectful guy, the taker, the user, the burdened with too much baggage, the non-communicator, etc.  I will not settle for less than what I emotionally need and want.  Mind you, I'm not searching for someone that's perfect, just someone who's perfect for ME!!!!   A good friend of mine has this theory about meds and therapy - There are two kinds of people in this world - those who are medicated, and those who should be!!!  Think about it!!!!!  If you've been overweight for a long time, it takes even longer for our heads to catch up and in some cases, it never does and is an ongoing battle.  I wish I could've paid extra for my surgeon to operate on my head, too!!!! Just look at yourself as evolving, a constant work in progress.  Work on fixing what you don't like and hopefully, the rest will fall into place.  Don't worry, I'm right here with you, going through the same mental torment. 

One last question about the guys who constantly email and then drift away - HOW IS IT THAT WE'RE DATING THE SAME MEN?????????  LOL!!! Hang in there! Tia

was his name Brian???  LOL Thanks Tia :)

Hey Jen - There WAS a Brian - actually, there's probably been one for every letter of the alphabet!!  But I digress!! This Brian was so nice and so sweet for the week and a half that we were emailing - at least 5 a day.  Finally, we agreed on a Friday to meet the next night, and then there was no other email from him to confirm a time or location.  So the next morning, I opened an email to read, "I need to be honest with you about something.........."  Oh, ****!  That's NEVER a good opening line, and I knew what was coming. He said he WASN'T married, but was committed to a married co-worker (WTF?), who, although she wouldn't have sex with him, would get extremely jealous if she knew he was dating someone.  Alrighty.  He then tells me all about how HER husband is stalking HIM, sending him pics, emails, calling and it's just tearing Brian up!  Finally, he says, "Look, if you're happy to just come over and f*** me, I'll be happy to take care of you.  But I can't cuddle, can't date, can't kiss, can't do anything but ask you to service me and ask you to leave.  Run far, far away - I am f'd up beyond all reason and I'm sorry." So I did - run away, I mean.  Sigh.  Hang in there! T

Holy Cannoli T Dare I ask how you met this lovely fellow.....What an a**hole... Glad you ran away from that one...hole moly alsmot sounds like would have soon you on a cereal box somewhere.... I cannot believe that one, and I thought I had some douzy internet dating stories.... You know, convents are looking pretty good right now...I mean I will have to get over the lack of sex, but since not getting any of that lately anyway...not gonna be a huge sacrifice...LOL Have a great weekend Moi

I was single until I was 40, so I know what you're talking about.  I dated alot from online groups and services. People who you meet online can be really flaky, or they can be real gems who are just too shy or too busy to met people in other ways.  FWIW, I met my husband online when I was at my max of 315, and to my great surprise, we got married, so there are some good ones out there.