I may be screwing up this chance.

I have been struggling since I got my surgery. Here is a brief history: I've always been chubby but when I was 17, I started gaining weight and had no control over my eating. My periods stopped and after over a year of this, I finally went to the gyno and was diagnosed with PCOS. I stopped gaining but when I got into college, I did lose some weight using ATkins but after having some success, I went the other way and started binging almost daily. After I finished college I was 285 and severely depressed. I moved from south jersey to maryland for a job, which caused me to isolate, since I was not close to family. It took me about a year to seek therapy and over the years, it has helped greatly but i have never been able to fully conquer my eating disorder. I've even been admitted into an eating disorder unit. So before I got the surgery, I was desperate to stop this from happening anymore in my life but totally terrified it wouldn't work.  It definitely has improved things for me. I just can't eat nearly the amount I used to. My weight has gone down 36 lbs in 6 weeks, which is good but not wonderful. The reason I think I haven't been doing as good is because I still struggle with the head hunger daily. It's a constant struggle to make the right decision. I don't seem to have any strong reaction to foods I shouldn't eat anymore than I did before the surgery. It's worth it at times to just eat the food so I can feel ok again.  I'm still seeing my therapist and I even go to acupuncture as well. Ultimately, I want to succeed but not sure if I am capable. I still have depression or aversion to failure so during the weekends, I don't get anything done. I stay in bed alot of the time. I am married so this affects my husband, which makes me feel even worse. I feel like I am a ball and chain because of my problems. Tis weekend really sucked because I was supposed to join a gym, start exercising and just be more active but I gave up on myself and didn't really try. I've cooked stuff so I haven't been eating all crap but I've eaten a little bit of candy today.  If I compare where I am now to where I was before surgery, i am doing alot better. But if i look at the ideal version of what I should be, I am lacking greatly. So i'm not really sure what to do. is it even possible to overcome such a incidious problem. My head hunger is so bad. and my lack of activity is so low. how do i get better?

Nicole When I met with Dr. V for my Psych eval she mentioned a group she had to help succeed with the mental challenges with weight loss surgery.  Some insurance cover the group session.  They are 60 dollars a session if not covered by insurance. {{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}

thanks for the suggestion. i actually am in that group. unfortunately, therapy hasn't been able to touch my head hunger yet.

Just sent you a private mail.

I think many of us have battled some demon all of ourlives that caused us to gain and not lose weight. Please do not think you are alone in that. Getting exercise has always been a huge issue for me. I am just not a person to seek it out. I have joined gyms and let my money fly away as i don't go and use the membership. I think my biggest issue is doing things alone. I don't like to do things alone. It is so much easier to stay home for me. I know my depressions have had a lot to do with this problem.  You can and will be successful. Change your thinking. That is one thing I have learned over the years. I can allow my subconscious to rule or I can be in charge and tell myself what I need to believe. Feel free to call me anytime.

Hi Nicole- I haven't had my surgery yet so really can't offer much insight. But I have been going to the Thursday support groups (2nd and 3rd week of the month) at Bayview. Maybe they'll be of some help to you as well as the other group. Donna

Hi Nicole, I was going to see a couselor weekly with GBMC that I started to go when I began the monthly supervised visits. It really was a battle for me to focus that I reall deserved this change that I was about to have in my life.  I would sit there and sabotage what ever I knew I deserved to have but thought I could not do good or ever accomli****  There was some sessions where my counselour help me think differently. Gosh I wish I had saved the handouts she gave me.  If yur therapist coukd help you change your way of thinking by giving you examples on how to recognize it and change it, it will give you some relief like it did to me.  If I can find anything that I had from my session I will contact you.   Just know that you are definitely not alone, most of us go through these trials and tribulations.  Just know that we are here for you.   Whenever you feel the way you do you can call me or anyone you know to help you focus on other things.   Hugs,

Nicole, Being on here and communicating is the first step to getting better.  I know several ladies here see therapists and many more attend support groups.  Guided imagery is also supposed to be good too.  Head hunger sucks.  Drinking water and chewing gum helps.  You are doing GREAT!  6 pounds a week is GREAT!  Are you getting support from friends and family?  btw, the wls will do WONDERS for the PCOS!  I was diagnosed at 18 and I'm now 37.

I think that you have to give yourself some credit for what you ARE doing.  ---P.S. Can I have the info on the group therapy?

Well, I am getting group therapy done at johns hopkins, where i got my surgery. if you are using another hospital, they should have their own program.