Why is everyone trying to talk me out of RNY?

I can't stand some people around me these days. First let me tell you all that I weigh 267. Everyone either doesn't  believe me or tells me I carry it well. Either way I'm 267. My boss (dentist), a coworker and my boss' sister (doctor) keep telling me "you're not having the RNY you only need the Lap band. My boss' sister told me all the risks like I haven't done the research and all the complications down the line and how  I have to be on supplements for the rest of my life, blah blah blah. Then I have this patient of ours who's become somewhat of a friend and who's bigger than me so I see her the other day and tell her I'm having the RNY and she goes into saying you don't weigh that much and you only need the Lap band, if the lap band fells you can always have the RNY later. (Who wants to go through another surgery) Blah blah blah. I tell these people everyday ( just about )that I've done my research and I think for me I've made the right desicion. My boss especially is on my case saying if you just have the Lap band by the time it starts to corrode you should have learned to eat right again. AHHHHHH. Now I find myself second guessing my self about the RNY. I have read that alot of lapsters need revision and then need the rny. The only place I feel any sort of safety is here on the OH board.  And on top of that all this waiting for appointments is killing me. This wls is all I keep thinking about. Sorry my vent is over ( for now LOL). Candie

Most of the time the people who are telling you not to get it dont have all the information about the surgery. They are only going by "what they heard". I have family members telling me that Im not big enough for WLS. I am 272 pounds and they dont believe me when I tell them....Like Im lying to them...You have done the research...you know what is right for you...Though it would be nice to have everyone's support, it will never happen...Dont second guess yourself, you have come this far..Dont let others dissuade you.

Thanks Heather. Sometimes I feel like if they could only see me naked. you know what I mean. LOL

Thats what I say..."You dont know what I look like naked...ask George (my DH)...lol

I was 257 when I had my RNY. I was guided by my surgeon to my decision. Don't allow naysayers to influence you in this. Almost everyone I encountered told me I didn't need to have surgery. They told me I wasn't that big. Now they look at my before pictures and are amazed at the difference. Do what is right for YOU and no one else!

Hey Candie - I'm sorry you're not getting the support you need right now, but honestly, like everyone else said, please don't let others influence you.  Especially people who don't live your life and don't know what it's like!! Personally, other than my family and a few close friends, I didn't tell many people, particularly my backstabbing co-workers, about my rny.  I didn't even tell my supervisor about it until I had to.  I really didn't meet too many people who tried to talk me out of it, but when I did, I just said that I was under the care of some great doctors, had done a ton of research and felt this was the best decision for me!!  End of story.   Personally, while any wls is just a tool, not a cure-all, I think it would be wrong for you to go into surgery thinking, "If this fails, I can always do this.." like people are suggesting you do.  I believe in positive energy, so why go into something thinking it's going to fail automatically? Try not to stress about it, they're just uneducated, and if they cared about you, they'd see that you're a smart, intelligent woman who's done her legwork and has made up her mind!! Hang in there!  As far as the waiting process, it IS hard, but so worth it.  Eventually, it'll all seem like a dream.  I look back and wonder where in the world did 2 years go!!! Take care, Tia

I can't disagree with what anyone has said. You know what you need to do to feel good about yourself, and get healthy. IF that includes having RNY, than that is what you need to do for you. It amazes me that people think that lapband is for those who have less to lose, as if that is the one and only determining factor. I have to say that several people asked me why I wasn't going to just have that surgery. Not because of my weight, as I more than qualified the NIH standard for RNY. It was because it is less invasive, and doesn't have to be permanent. Once I decided on RNY, and that was early on in my journey, I will admit to only telling people who I thought would support my decision. I surrounded myself with people who would educate me without judging my decision, or trying to talk me out of it. As a result, some of my formerly closer family members still don't know. When they finally find out, some will be mad. Some won't think anything of it. Not my problem. Those who needed to know, and who's opinions mattered to me, knew all about it. But, those who knew, fully supported me, and are thrilled at the outcome. I came here for support, because I read for awhile before posting, and I knew I would get honest, and heartfelt answers to my questions. I knew the best info would come from people who had walked the walk before me. I'm sorry that you aren't getting support from all sides. I just advise that you consider the sources, and follow the advice from those you trust most. Hopefully, that can weed out some of the negativity you are experiencing. For what it is worth, I never reconsidered once I decided to have RNY. At almost 4 months post-op, I wouldn't change a thing about my journey, except possibly to start it sooner.

I believe that each person has to choose what is right for them.  We all do our research and make informed decisions.  You have done the research and made your decision.  Don't worry about what others think.  Do what you believe is right for you.

Hey Candie I can relate.   I made the decision to get lap band.  I have only told four close friends.  They all support my decision but two of them wondered why and stated I did not look that big. (at first one was considering WLS but has now changed her  mind. I think she is waiting to see how I do)  I stated I camoflage well.  Even my doctor *****cords my weight every month says I don't look like I weigh that much.  As Ant says on Celebrity Fit Club- "the scales don't lie".   I decided not to tell one friend because when me and another girl friend was talking about joining weigh****chers she made the comment to save our money and just cut down on your portions and step back from the table. My decision was based on my health and to prevent some conditions from getting to the next level and to reverse other conditions. Once you start the appointments they will come fast and furious.  I started in January and I have already completed my sleep study, psych eval, and I am half way through my nutrition classes for diet history.  I have three more months and then my paper work will go forward to the insurance.  I look at the calendars and can't believe it is almost April. Hang in there and remember that the type of weight loss decision is a personal decision and a person picks the one that is right for them.

I can totally relate to what you're going through. I made the mistake of telling one person I thought was my friend about this. Now she's going telling other people I'm going to die.  I have no plans for that!  Needless to say, I haven't said anything else to her about this. The only thing I can tell you is to only tell the people you really trust with this. I hope everything works out for you.