Hate myself

Well, I am generally a reader these days..or better yet, a lurker.  I try to post when I see something that I think I can input on....and I try not to post as a whiner..or complainer...but I just need to get something off my chest..and nobody around me..would really understand...but I know you all will..... Most of you know my story.  Started at 340...and lost and lost and lost. I ended up at 155 (which was 15 lbs. higher then my personal goal...and 20 lbs. lower then my doctor's actual goal...even though I talked him into 165lbs.).  Well, at 155 lbs.. I still wanted to lose, but knew by looking in the mirror (honestly) that I was too thin.  The idea of gaining weight back..made me sick..but the process needed to be done.  I ate more calories, started to eat things I shouldn't...and gained.  I weighed between 160 and 165.  I would flucuate within that 5 lb. range.  I still hated it...wanted the 150s...but felt that I could deal with it.  Well, Christmas comes and goes...conferences come and go..and I am now at 175 lbs.  I look the healthiest that I have in two years..  I have people who say I finally look good... BUT I HATE IT...and I HATE ME!!!!   My clothes are tight, I feel that I have an inner tube inside of me and that I am bloated..  I am sure I have stretched my pouch (doubt it, but you know the issues), I feel that I am no longer a loser...but now I am a loser...   I am going back to a protein shake for breakfast, a yogurt for lunch, a cracker or two as a snack, and a light dinner.  I need to lose weight.... I need to find a way of losing........... I know that I sound like I am whining..  I know that I should be satisifed with being healthy...but I feel sooooooooo awful now.  I hate me, I hate everything about me, and I just don't know what to do.  I want a revision... I want them to do a gastric sleeve on my pouch... I am thinking of over-the counter diet aides, I have used bowel preps on sundays to clean me out...  DONT tell me to see a shrink...  I just don't know what to do...  How does one lose weight...after losing so much weight???  HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(((( Daniel)))) I have no real words of wisdom here, I too have gained and am not happy with myself tho I never even came close to reaching my goals. I understand your frustration, but your focus needs to be on healthy.   You looked fantastic when I saw you a few weeks ago.   Getting back to the basics of protein and watching your intake should help you take off a few pounds, but maybe that 165 would be a compromise .. you would lose that 'spare' tire and be healthy too? See you on the 5th. Hugs, Mo

I think there are more than a few of us that want to get back to basics. I knwo the holidays and the stress I have been under lately have not helped my weight loss one iota. I have been feeling so "fat" lately. I have never reached goal. I want to restart my loss again. Big Hugs !!!

SEE A THERAPIST. You sound like you are about to become anorexic. you need to stop what you are doing right now and find a therapist.

We all have felt the way you feel at some point in our lives. I would love to weigh 175lbs! The most important thing is that your healthy. You know what you have to do to lose those few pounds. I know it's hard (queen of ice cream here) but try doing a little extra exercise, something fun so it's not like actual work. Good luck and let us know how you are doing. Don't hate yourself!!

Dan You just need to get back on track.  Call your NUT, get to the gym and support groups.  Start writting everything down again and at the end of every week take a good look at it.  I have to put the scale away if not I will drive myself nuts.  Think of some new habits.  We all have addictions, we just need to find newer and healthier ones.  See you on the 5th. Hugs Kristen

Hi Dan, I can very much sympathize with how you are feeling.  We all want that magic number and we want is for life!  But I just cannot imagine that 155 for you is a healthy weight.  Do you exercise regularly?  Maybe you should concentrate on building muscle, toning your stomach and making sure you are eating healthy foods and the correct amount of calories to provide your body with the fuel it needs to stay healthy.  Try using a calorie counting help site such as mycalorie-count.com or some other site out there.  They are usually free and can help you see where your calories are coming from.  they will also help you determine how many calories a day you need to be HEALTHY!  Healthy is the key here - not some number on the scale.  I agree with Mo's idea of setting 165 as a reasonable compromise but please do not allow yourself to get stuck on a number.  We all have to be careful so that we do not gain the weight back.  There has to be a limit so that we do not allow ourselves to go unchecked before we have gained back a lot of weight.  But there has to be a middle ground as well.  The number on the scale should not dominate how you feel about yourself.  We have done that far too long - so give yourself a break.   I know you said not to tell you to seek a shrink.  but you need to hear someone tell you how to find, see and believe in a healthy self-image - not the distorted one you are still hanging on to.  Talk to someone!   I hope you find peace.  Hugs, Robin