facing mortality and scared

Ok so last night the reality of this being "such a big procedure" hit me.  Not sure why but all I could focus on was dying. I know that I have tried a million times on my own and I KNOW that this is my only hope at getting healthier. BUT I also know that the 1-2% risk of dying scares the crap out of me. I have 4 kids and they need me. That is the reason why I am doing this. But what happens if I am that 1-2% and instead of having a fat unhealthy mom, they have NO mom. I really didn't sleep last night and now the excitement of finally finding this procedure and feeling totally at ease with everything has gone out the window and I am not sure I actually want to go through with this. I have been exercising and have changed my eating habits- Nothing has changed. I know that I NEED to do this, But I don't want to die.  Is this a normal feeling? Or I am crazy? If any of you went through this how did you overcome it?

Hi Dee,

Your feelings and thoughts are sound. I am a parent as well. This is a big procedure and a life long change. I am afraid of misquoting exact figures, but the mortality rate had dropped significantly even in the past 3 years. Its much lower than 1-2% unless you include co-morbidities as a factor. Unlike most surgeries where the doctor actually repairs something, wls sets us up to fix ourselves. When done in an experienced hospital the numbers are even lower. In my case the risks were worth the rewards.

I hope this helps, Mark, who still requires open flame to be kept at a safe distance from his tush.

What you are feeling is toatlly normal. EVERYONE has that thought in their heads when the time draws near. To tell you the truth, I had my doubts and asked myself when it was time, "Do I REALLY want to do this?" Then I asked myself, "Do I REALLY need this?" Well, the latter won and I went though with it. I was not scared, just concerned. My wife, SHE was the one scared to death and close to passing out for me. LOL, she was scared because this was my first surgery, ever. I love her so much. LOL But, yeah what you are feeling is ok. Just think it over and think of the positive side of things. I f you think about the other, it will discourage you into not doing what you need for yourself and everyone else you hold dear. Hope this helps!

Seeing as mine is coming up Tuesday, I've started getting jittery as well.  Less the thoughts of complications -- I am going to be a lap bandster, and the potential band complications are a little less dire, though the surgical risk is the same  -- than the thoughts of "can I make this work?"  On an intellectual level, I know I can.  I've done other challenging things in my life, and I've dealt with a lot of the demons that made me fat in the first place.  My greatest worry is that it won't work for me, or I'll get impatient if my loss slow, while my RNY sisters melt away. The surgical risk does make me a little nervous.  I'm a mom, too, and my kid lost her first mom.  I don't want her to lose her forever mom as well.  I'm glad that my doc's other patients have gotten happy juice while they were waiting to be wheeled into the OR.  I was wide awake and aware when I was being rolled in for my last surgery, a nose job, and let me tell you, what was going through my head wasn't pleasant!

I know that I am going to become nervouse as my time gets closer but I have been very nervouse with other surgerys I have had and I am glad my Doctor as well gives you the happy juice early. I have 4 kids as well  ages 9 to 15. One thing does give me peace and I hope this dont sound silly is knowing my kids are rooting for me and cheering me on say things like I cant wait till mom can go on a roller coaster with me (not sure I want to but ok) Just the simple things . On my home from the doc the other day I was wondering what I was doing, But when I walked in the door and the kids started hugging so you go mom I felt peacefully again. I know I will need more cheering before I get there.  I wish you the very best in your journey. Hope you have a great weekend.

I'm not a parent, but I understand the feeling.  As I was being rolled into the operating room, I was thinking, "What the h*ll?  I'm really doing this."  Keep faith and courage in your surgeon and your own willpower.  And, if you believe in a higher power, pray!

Dee, I'm not a parent, so I don't have children I would be leaving behind. However, I do have family members who are concerned, and who would miss me, and I don't want to leave them. I don't want to miss my nieces and nephews graduations, weddings and babies. But, that is exactly what I am going to do, if I don't get my health in order. Obesity might not kill me next month, but it has more than a 1-2% chance of killing me, and it would be slow and painful. So, I completely understand your fear, and I'm sure I would feel the same way if I had children I would be leaving behind. But, the thought of some of my co-morbidities killing me slow like they are now, is enough for me to realize this is what I need to do.  You could need surgery for something else, and have the same risks. I don't look at this as elective surgery. I believe this is surgery necessary to treat an illness, obesity. If you don't think this is the time for you, don't start something you won't finish. Don't set yourself up for failure and regret. Don't forget that if you start again, you have to start from the beginning. You don't deserve the feelings of guilt, when either way you are just trying to do what is best for you and your family.  But, if you examine your heart of hearts, and you determine it is what you need to do for you, and for your family, then look at the 99+%. I am not nervous, but I know I will be. But, I have already made the promise to myself that when I do get nervous, I will not let it get in my way.  I will concentrate on thoughts of feeling and looking healthy, and being in that 99+% that comes out of surgery just fine. Sorry, I didn't mean to write a novel. I hope this makes sense. Whatever you decide to do, you have support here.

Hi Dee - Everyone here has already said what I would've said, so if you'd like to talk more, pm me and maybe we can get together.  Heather Modispaw lives near us, too, and I usually see her 1-2 times a week.  She's a bandster and I'm RNY, but our feelings are still the same - our only regret is that we didn't have this done years ago. Hang in there, Tia

Hi. I didn't want to die either. I had the DS and it was my very first operation. I had my one child natural. Here is what helped me cope with this feeling. I looked at it as I look at all my projects at work. I thought about what it was about dying that panicked me. I made a list. It included things like where would I be buried. The reason that was such a concern is that I am Jewish and my husband is not. So if I want a Jewish burial I needed to find a cemetary that would accept both of us. My son lives in Hibbing MN very far away from Maryland. I was afraid that if I died someone would have to tell him by phone. And on and on and on. So I made my list and then I addressed each item. I spoke to people and got the plot situation squared away. I asked my son to take vacation from work and to please be with me a few days prior. He did. Every item on my list I did. Wrote down how to pay the bills on line for my husband. All the contact information for disability policies, insurance policies, everything was written into a book that I gave my husband and made sure my son knew all about it too. What this did was give me peace of mind. I still did not want to die, but the things I was most worried about I addressed. I realize that with children who are so young you face different issues and fears but I suggest that you examine what components make up that fear and address them. Then it won't seem so over whelming.  From my vantage point which was a BMI of 25 more then yours and probably 20 years older, I believe with all my heart that you are making the right decision. Go for it girl and know that the odds are IN your favor. They say for even the DS there is no more risk then it would be getting your gall bladder out because of our obesity. Hugs to you and wishing you peace of mind. Jo