Emotional Melt Down

Well it finally happened.  I totally lost it last night.  Thinking back it started yesterday morning. Someone brought donuts into work.   AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH.  Didn't give in. Then my brother went to Chick Fill A for lunch.  ( I am missing fast food  can you tell) Then on my way home I got this over whelming craving for a bacon cheeseburger and fries and " Icy cold coke" Damn Wendys commercial on radio. I lost it .  By the time I got home I was crying:  Mom was trying to calm me down and said Whats wrong.  I told her I am in mourning.   By the way did I mention this:  Aunt Flo is visiting with a vengence. I just wanted something greasey.  I am ok now but I could not stop crying. I finally ended up eating  a bit of manocotti - closest thing I can get to a pizza taste. I had Mom and Dad so upset they could not eat any dinner. I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror at the clothes I put on :  two sizes smaller then I was two months ago:  I know I can do this:  I have to do this.  I am going to contine with the plan :  am thinking I need to get CDS in the car so I am not constantly bombarded with commercials promoting unhealthy foods.  No wonder so many people have weight problems. Thanks for letting me vent Love to you all 

Aw, Darla, here's a hug!!  First, everything you are going through is completely normal.  You ARE in mourning - mourning a past way of life and the disappearance of some of your old friends - food!!! My nutritionist told me that out of all of the fast-food places, Chick-Fil-A is probably one of the healthier choices because of the white meat chicken.  I'm glad you didn't give up, but don't be too hard on yourself, because unfortunately, you're going to face this time and again.  It will get easier, and as you've seen, seeing your clothes size shrink will help motivate you.  For the first six months, I got into the habit of trying on my clothes every Sunday evening.  It was amazing to see how big they got so quickly! 

I was never much of a soda drinker, and DVR's patients are advised not to for a while, but I do like an occasional Coke Zero - now they have them in cherry and vanilla, too.  When you get the clearance to have the occasional soda, try it, I don't taste any difference between that and real Coke.  That being said, obviously, you know our drink of choice is water, and there's lots of ways to flavor it.

As far as the bacon cheeseburger taste, Morningstar Farms and Boca make some phenomenal veggie burgers, I know they have a cheddar one and a fajita one and spicy black bean burger.  Melt some low-fat cheese on top, add salsa (my favorite lube) and sour cream, and YUM-O.

Honey, it's all about adjustments, and you're still adjusting.  So are your hormones, too.  Keep in mind that estrogen is stored in fat cells and when you lose all that weight quickly, the hormones gotta go somewhere, hence frequent (for me) meltdowns.  I was a hormonal mess!!!!  If it persists, maybe talk to your PCP about a low-dose antidepressant.  Trust me, my co-workers are alive today because of Effexor!!!!!!   You know what?  You've done so well, treat yourself to some new CD's for the car.  I just bought two Maroon 5 CD's, which is completely not my normal type of music, and have been blaring it like a teenager to drown out some thoughts!!   Trust me, after a while, it's going to become a "weigh" of life for you and you won't miss the fast food as much.  I won't say you won't miss junk at all, because everyone is different.  I think the only thing I really miss is chocolate - I still have some occasionally, just not in the vat-sized quantitites I used to.  S/f products have come a long way, but they sometimes come with the evil poopy monster, so you have to be careful. It's going to get easier, I promise.  You've done the best thing for you and your parents.  The next time we all get together, I'll let my Mom tell your Mom about the hormonal, head-spinning, green-stuff puking monster I was for a while.  Remember, this is new to them, too.  You need their support and they need to know you did the right thing. If you need help with food suggestions, I have tons, so let me know!

Smoochies,

Tia

Darla my heart is going out to you.  I am 4 days out and want to kill my husband who is eating pizza infront of me everyday for the past 3 days.  Even in the hospital.  I do plan to beat him with a stick.  It is head hugary that is it.  YOU HAVE TO FIGHT IT cause if you don't you will eat and you will feel like crap.  I am thinking about you, just fight like hell.   Hugs Kristen

Kristen - Eventually, you'll be able to eat the cheese and sauce off of the pizza, and that's the best part, anyway.  In the meantime, once you can eat soft/pureed foods, if you can't yet, take some ricotta cheese, spice it up with pizza seasonings, put some spaghetti sauce on it, some cheese and garlic and nuke until gooey!  Once you can add meat, do that with ground beef, turkey or turkey sausage.   Pre-op, I could eat probably 8 pieces of pizza, now at 25 mos. post-op, I can eat one - maybe.  I'm full and satisfied, and as long as I stop when I'm full, I don't get sick. It's all about making adjustments and being creative.  Come here for ideas, we've got lots of 'em. Hang in there and don't kill the hubby - I personally have no $$ to bail you out! Tia

Kristin: At 2 months out I have eaten the topping off of pizza:  the dough is just too rough on the tummy right now. Infact I do this once a week when I go bowling every Wednesday. I just had a hormonal problem yesterday/  Its rough but you can get thru it. I feel pretty good today.   

Oh Darla and Kristen I so understand what you mean. I was truely a drive through junkie. My favorite thing was to drive through and then eat in the car. I think once I go back to work, I will miss it as the stress heats up. I am listening to Tia's great advice. We all just have to hang in there. Hugs. Jo

Hey Jo - I, too, played "The Invisible Eater" in my car in my pre-op days.  It was usually pretty easy to hide the evidence!!!  Kind of when you see someone picking their nose in the car - do they THINK you can't see them????  Yeah, I know, gross!!!  Anyway, now, instead of candy wrappers and fast food trash, my car is usually littered with empty water bottles.   I'm not going to say it will ever go away, it may not, for some, it's more of a struggle than others.  But anything we can do to get healthier is a step in the right direction. Tia

I am a big cook, I come from a BIG italian family.  I could go with out fast food but my italian dishes I could eat my face off. 

Okay, so eventually, you're going to be able to eat all that Italian food again, you just won't be able to and won't want to eat as much.  Trust me, if nothing else I say is true, losing weight is it's own best motivation.  Pasta doesn't like me much, but you can get creative like I told Darla - you could use spaghetti squash instead of pasta, or zucchini instead of past, or even a little whole wheat pasta.  It just fill me up too quickly, and the focus will always, always, always have to be on protein first and foremost!!!   I know this is a stretch, but you may find your post-op nose doesn't like the smell of the food cooking!!!  It's happened to me on more than one occasion.  And now, once I'm full, DO NOT put food in front of me!! You did this for all the right reasons, and we're all gonna help all of you as you make the adjustments!! Tia

Darla sweetie, I am sorry i was not around when you went through this.  I can totally relate because I went through the same thing.  tia has given you excellent advice and let me tell you the estrogen we are expelling rapidly in our system will definitely make things 100 times worse.   You will definitely get through this and I read you are already feeling better.   Remember I am here for you and you can call me when you feel like this.  I had another meltdown once and I called Kelly and if it wasn't for that I would have been a major mess.    I am glad you posted tho! (((((((hugs)))))))