Support for a Spouse

It really is great that some of you guys wrote back.  I love reading everyone's input.  I glean something new with each one of the responses. Oh yeah, Frisky will definitely do it!  Joe will think the aliens left him a new wife.  Woo Hoo!

Hi April, Kudos to Joe for sharing. It isn't easy for guys, we aren't wired to share to begin with and I take it as a sign of true love that he confided in you. Without being too personal, would it help to muse together over the things that will come easier after weight loss? I'm talking both inside AND outside the bedroom here.  The latest statistics put laproscopic weight loss surgery morbidity rates right up there with ingrown toe nails and poison ivy .  I wish you a safe and speedy start to your journey, I'll be in your rear view mirror about a day back. Mark, who is currently lurking in the liquid meal replacement aisle.

I'm having open surgery due to so many prior abdominal surgeries and we are going to try to do a temporary fix on a humongous hernia. Still, I have a lot of confidence in mu surgeon who has been doing these surgeries for many years. Thanks for your good wishes. I'll be watching that rear view mirror.

Hi April, My wife has mentioned a few times that there needs to be some support groups for the spouses.    Before surgery they need to know what is coming and what they will need to do support you in this process.   They need to understand the frustrations you will be going through with insurance and preop diets and testing.   They also need to be ready to deal with the emotional swings we all go through as we approach the big day. But let me tell you.   The hardest part is following the surgery.   The first few weeks, you are going to be consumed with your new lifestyle.  What and when to eat.   The new sensations when you eat.  The vitamins. Dr's appointments.  Wound care.  Clothes.   Just too many things to even mention.   And throughout this process they are jus****ching and trying to figure out how to help.   They might also be taking care of the household stuff you were doing pre-op as well.    Then there is the emotional side for them.   Are you still going to love them when you are thin?   Are you losing too much weight?   Do they need to exercise with you?   Hey...what happened to all the snacks you used to bring home?   What should they be doing to help you?    So through this whole thing, the focus will be on you and your condition...but don't forget about your spouse.   Talk to him.   Let him know what you are doing and what your goals are.  Not just that you want to lose x amount of pounds, but what troubles you are having.   What is your vitamin schedule.   What do you hope to accomplish today?   Are you in any pain?  Is there anything different today?    One quick story.   My wife has been really on me about losing too much weight.   We had a couple of tiffs about it over the last couple of weeks.   Finally, it dawned on me that she had no real idea what I was doing day to day.   I would leave for work and she did not see what I was eating or how things went.   I would just come home, go running and then have a small meal before bed.   She thought I was starving.   So we sat down and I showed her my food log.   I told her to open it any time she wanted and see what I ate the day before.   I also explained that I was now trying to maintain my daily weight at 208.   If I was down a bit, then I would change what I ate that day.    She felt a lot better and the tiffs have ended.   So have the comments about me losing too much weight.    The significant others are a big part of this.  I wish there were support groups that were as good for them as we have!   I think it would help!

Dear Dave, Again I have to say thanks for a guys perspective.  I read your posts with great interest and love the way everyone is so supportive and proud of you. Thanks and good thoughts are coming your way.

I was going to ask if there was a spouse or significant other message board.  Based on Dave's reply I'm guessing no. Just try to remember that this is going to be a huge change for your husband and family as well.  It seems from reading the posts and listening to other losers that there are often issues of fear and jealousy and confusion on the part of the loser's support system.  Friends, family, co-workers, all can be affected by your change. There is most definitely a need for a spouse message board if there isn't one. I'm glad Mrs. K is in my corner 100%, I know I couldn't do it without her.  Hopefully, we'll be able to work quickly through any of the issues that are to come. Good Luck, Ted

Looks like I guessed wrong - there is a spouse message board - it just doesn't look very active. Only a few posts from this year. WLS_Spouses

Hi April I think everyone involved in your life is going to have a degree of being worried including yourself.  I think everyone has to be open about there feelings.  There is a ton of failed marriages from people in weight gain and weight loss.  I have to be honest, I made the decision on my own, did not really think how it would effect anyone but my daughter.  In the long run she will benefit from me having surgery.  My husband backs me up but is still on the fence.  I think everything will come into play later.  When it is all said and done I beleive that my husband would be there.  I think the key to our other half is to educate, educate, educate.   Best wishes and congrats. Hugs Kristen

Kristen, You and Ted seem to naturally follow each other.  Good luck on the 10th. I also made the decision on my own.  Joe said it was my decision totally and that he would stand with me whatever I decided.  I think he is actually on the fence with your husband. We will have to compare notes as we progress. Thanks for being here,

Ted, You and Kristen are 2 days ahead of me.  Now I remember.  You're supposed to race up the hall - hospital gowns flapping in the breeze.  What a visual! We are not going to let the green eyed monster get a hold of us.  I hope to keep us well grounded through it all. Thanks for your input. Good luck on the 10th.