Support for a Spouse

Tonight my husband, Joe, told me he is worried.  I'm glad he is, but I hate to see him worry.  It was a big thing for him to tell me this because he is usually closed mouth on emotional issues.  I want to reassure him as much as possible.  I can't tell him not to worry. I already worry enough for everyone! Joe has always said that ultimately this is my decision and that he would stand behind any decision I make. Any thoughts?  Any words of wisdom that I could relay on your behalf?

Thanks for listening.

I'm in the home stretch to Sept. 12th - the beginning of a new life for me.

No special words or wisdom for you.  Just sending you lots of good thoughts.   Has your husband gone to any of the doctor's appts with you or to any support group meetings?   That might be helpful.  My husband went to all of my pre op appts with me, and had a thorough understanding of the surgery beforehand.  He felt that was very helpful for him.    Marcia

Oh my, I certainly can’t say I feel left out.  So many of you have given me words of encouragement for Joe.

 

All I can say is Thank You…Thank You…Thank You!

 

I am going to print out all of your responses and give them to Joe to read.

 

Joe went to my initial consultation with Dr. Vanguri and he is going with me on Tuesday to my final meeting with Bev, Dr. V’s nurse.  Of course he will be there on the 12^th.  He keeps reminding me that so much is going to change and that I have to concentrate on me.  I’m not sure if he realizes it yet, but I will be dragging him right along with me.  Joe is about 25 pounds overweight, so he can use the exercise and the better food choices that I will have to make.

 

Again, thanks for everyone’s support.

 

My Love and Best Wishes to All.

Fist Congratulations on your surgery date.  It is normal for your husband to be nervous. Your having surgery and it is scary. Just let him know you are doing this to live a long life with him and that you are in good hands. Heres to an uneventful surgery and speedy recovery. Kelly

Thanks Kelly, I will remind him of that long life with him or as I always tell him "tortures not over!".  I'll just have to remind him.

Hi April, There are no guarantees but you are in good hands and it's understandable that he is worried/concerned but wonderful that he could share that with you AND that he is supportive.  It would be much harder for you if he was against your decision for WLS. Best wishes for an uneventful surgery and speedy recovery. Hugs, Mo

Hi Mo, I see you so often here, its like you are our leader.  Thanks so much for being here for all of us. Yes, Joe is supportive, just scared like me. Hugs back to you,

My wife was worried too.  She even cried a coulple days prior to my surgery because she dreamed that I died on the table.  From my perspective, the surgery was the easy part.  You're definitely going to need his support after the surgery.  Especially the first week or two.  I hope you've included him in the entire pre-op process and education.  He needs to understand and be able to support yout lifestyle change.  My wife has been an incredible help to me. Also, I recently had a follow-up meeting with the shrink who did my psych eval.  She thought I was doing well (woohoo!) but told me that when there is a big life change such as WLS it's the spouse she worries about more than the person going through it.  I'm only 5 weeks out and she says my wife and I are still on the WLS "honeymoon."  However, when the honeymoon ends, there could potentially be problems.  After describing some of the things my wife has said recently, she thinks my have has a bit of anxiety because I'm losing weight and she's not.  This could happen to your husband. That being said, I'll add my two cents and do it from a guy's perspective, I think it would be completely awesome to have a wife go through WLS.  She'd be getting skinnier, sexier, more energetic and probably more... ummm, how should I say it....  frisky.  What guy would have a problem with that? 

"That being said, I'll add my two cents and do it from a guy's perspective, I think it would be completely awesome to have a wife go through WLS.  She'd be getting skinnier, sexier, more energetic and probably more... ummm, how should I say it....  frisky.  What guy would have a problem with that?" For a normal, emotionally-healthy guy in a good marriage, no one at all.  I mean, from his perspective, what's not to like?  It's a total win for him. OTOH, if a guy is a fat fetishist ... or has control or jealousy issues ... or is an abuser who's banking on the wife staying because she has low self-esteem and believes he's the best she can do, WLS is a big can of worms.  I don't think that's April's problem, though.  I think her husband is just nervous, because after all, it is surgery and obesity and co-morbs add to the inherent risk of going under the knife. My hubby had some issues at first.  He loves to research things on the internet and read a lot about the different kinds of surgeries.  He told me that he'd only feel comfortable with my getting a lap band and didn't want me to get anything that altered internal anatomy.  When I had my consult, the doc recommended an RNY because I'm diabetic.  Hubby wasn't happy about that.  I did more research and came to understand hubby's very real concerns, so I told the doctor that I wanted a lap band.  And that's what I'm getting.

Edie, Love your 2 cents worth.  I'm hoping to avoid that can of worms.  I don't think it will be an issue, but one never knows what may come. Good luck with your lap band.